Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 8 Here is a site about Easter, that I made many years ago. ______________________________________________________ Today, April 8 in 1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: PA Woman 'tried to eat 7 bags of heroin after being pulled over by police' ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When ideas fail, words come in very handy. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. --- Carl Zwanzig _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but definitely not THOSE three!" ______________________________________________________` Asian Sea Eagle _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tiffany Root, 30, Lancaster, Pennsylvania Woman 'tried to eat 7 bags of heroin after being pulled over by police' A woman tried to swallow seven bags of heroin that she had hidden inside herself after she was pulled over while driving, police say. Tiffany Root, 30, was stopped by officers in Lancaster, Pennsylvania on Tuesday for a traffic violation, but it was later discover that she was allegedly transporting a bevy of drugs including heroin, suboxone, and assorted pills in her car. Police took Root into custody and transported her to a local hospital. On the way, she tried to swallow additional bags of heroin that she had hidden inside her body and stuffed down her pants, police say. Root 'attempted to destroy' seven bags of heroin 'by chewing/eating it,' police wrote in an incident report. Authorities said she was taken to the Lancaster General Hospital so medical staff could remove the drugs 'due to the nature of the location of some of the contraband.' After arriving at the hospital, Root was convinced to spit out the 'contraband' that she tried to swallow. Lancaster Lieutenant Bill Hickey told Lancaster Online that 'it's not unheard of' for people to hide drugs inside themselves. He said police have procedures to recover the drugs, including cavity searches, but officers decided to take Root to the hospital in this case. Other than the baggies that Root had hidden in herself, police also found 15 suboxone pills, more than 70 other pills that she did not have a prescription for, $907 in cash, an electronic scale, and a cut straw. She was charged with seven counts of possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance and one count of tampering with evidence. Root is being held at Lancaster County Prison on $150,000 bail. Another passenger in Root's car, Thomas Seymour, 32, was also allegedly found with heroin and was turned over the the Lancaster County Sheriff's Office to be charged. From: Eddie Re: Updates for cell phones Dear DearWebby I have a android cell phone and wanted to know if there is any "Hardware Updates" that I need to do? Or is there an app for this request? Ok, Mr. Webby; also just wanted to let you know that I have bought a android phone that is like a "Samsung A9" - without the name "Samsung!" - it is just a "ALPS A9" that I bought off of ebay for $115 It has the identical inner parts as the Samsung! But any ways, just wanted to know if this had a software and or website? For the firmware updates? Thank you.... and have a great day!@ I hear ya, just thought this android phone is like a computer where is that a pc has an app for the hardware scan to update the drivers! Eddie Dear Eddie! I don't have a Sillyphone. Absolutely no idea whether you need to update yours. However, my philosophy is: "If it works, don't mess with it. Let it work!" Most of them, if not all of those programs advertised to scan for missing drivers or updates, are scams and viruses. If your phone DOES need an update, then the phone maker will tell you. Until then, don't worry and don't fall for any silly shit Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Actual Medical Chart Notes Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. Healthyappearing decrepit 69year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. The patient refused autopsy. The patient has no previous history of suicides. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the last three days. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. She is numb from her toes down. While in ER, she was examined, xrated and sent home. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Overflowing Toilet Take off the back of the toilet tank and push the stopper down so it stops allowing water into the bowl. Then reach down behind the toilet and turn off the water valve. Find your handy plunger to take care of the blockage. A few squirts of dish soap followed by hot water and waiting a bit, then plunging, usually unclogs it. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Sculpting Elvis with a chainsaw. |
___________________________________________________ In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too low. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat." Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah right. So how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?" ___________________________________________________ A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?" "Ah Sh!!!!" says his friend, "And I just joined the Elks." ___________________________________________________ | Today April 8 in 1513 Explorer Juan Ponce de Leon claimed Florida for Spain. 1525 Albert von Brandenburg, the leader of the Teutonic Order, assumes the title "Duke of Prussia" and passed the first laws of the Protestant church, making Prussia a Protestant state. 1832 About 300 American troops of the 6th Infantry left Jefferson Barracks, St. Louis, to confront the Sauk Indians in the Black Hawk War. 1864 The U.S. Senate passed the 13th Amendment (S.J. Res. 16) by a vote of 38 to 6. 1873 Alfred Paraf patented the first successful oleomargarine. 1939 Italy invaded Albania. 1942 The Soviets opened a rail link to the besieged city of Leningrad. 1946 The League of Nations assembled in Geneva for the last time. 1947 The first illustrated insurance policy was issued by the Allstate Insurance Company. 1952 U.S. President Truman seized steel mills to prevent a nationwide strike. 1953 The bones of Sitting Bull were moved from North Dakota to South Dakota. 1962 Bay of Pigs invaders got thirty years imprisonment in Cuba. 1985 India filed suit against Union Carbide for the Bhopal disaster. 1985 Phyllis Diller underwent a surgical procedure for permanent eyeliner to eliminate the need for eyelid makeup. 1986 Clint Eastwood was elected mayor of Carmel, CA. 1990 In Nepal, King Birendra lifted the 30-year ban on political parties. 1992 In Britain, the last issue of "Punch Magazine" was published. 1994 Smoking was banned in the Pentagon and all U.S. military bases. 1998 The widow of Martin Luther King Jr. presented new evidence in an appeal for new federal investigation of the assassination of her husband. 2000 19 U.S. troops were killed when a Marine V22 Osprey crashed during a training mission in Arizona. 2002 Ed McMahon filed a $20 million lawsuit against his insurance company, two insurance adjusters, and several environmental cleanup contractors. The suit alleged breach of contract, negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress concerning a toxic mold that had spread through McMahon's Beverly Hills home. 2019 Do smiled. |
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