Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, December 15 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: British championship body builder has been jailed after sexually abusing a 4-year-old girl, and threatening to kill her family. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 15 in 2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the television series "The Simpsons." See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool, usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --- Robert Frost ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve your garden. Come on, if that was true, wouldn't frat houses be like tropical rain forests? ------- Not really. Spilling unused beer is severely frowned upon! _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!" ______________________________________________________ Lets Get Outa Here! ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border. The French Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro." "Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies the French customs agent. "Quattro means 4!" "Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!" "He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat Uno." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jenev Varghese, 32, Luton, England British championship body builder has been jailed after sexually abusing a 4-year-old girl, and threatening to kill her family. Jenev Varghese, 32, of Luton, was sentenced to 12 years behind bars at Luton Crown Court yesterday. He was found guilty of two counts of sexually assaulting a child under the age of 13. During the trial the jury heard how Varghese sexually assaulted the young girl on a number of occasions. He threatened to murder her loved ones if she spoke out and told anybody. Detective Constable Samantha Shane, of the Bedfordshire Police Public Protection Unit, said: 'Varghese took advantage and abused his incredibly young victim in the worst way possible. 'It is impossible to comprehend the abuse that this child suffered, but I hope that her and her family are now able to move on from this awful experience. 'I'm really pleased with the severe sentence. 'I hope it sends a stark warning to others who think they can abuse children and get away with it.' Judge Lynn Tayton QC handed Varghese a 12 year sentence with a one year extension. He was also placed on the Sex Offenders' Register indefinitely and handed a Sexual Harm Prevention Order. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alex Re: Tripod Bolt Dear Webby, I lent out my tripod and it came back with the bolt, that holds the camera, missing. My Camera is a Canon Powershot. What kind of bolt is required to hold it? Alex Dear Alex 99.9% of all cameras take a standard 1/4" x 20 (1/4" coarse) bolt. With some searching hardware stores you should be able to find a wing-bolt. If not, simply glue a wing-nut onto the bolt head with 2-hour epoxy. You may have to shorten the bolt, or use washers. Dont drive it into the camera too deep or too hard. The socket on the camera is just very soft aluminum. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A little boy who is rushing out of the house pauses in front of his father. "Dad," the boy says, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" "Son, it just wouldn't be right," his father says. "That's okay," the little fellow says. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed the man had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls, and two grandchildren, and he doesn't wear his collar that way." The priest, getting a little impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting Used To Wearing Dentures By Kim Churchman Sorry you have to go through this. You can do it, you will come out the other side a success. Practice the sounds 55, 33 and 66. Keep going back to your dentist for adjustments, ten times if necessary. You need to be able to wrap your lips around them without ever getting a sore. I am a dental hygienist and was a longtime assistant to a doc who made dentures. Twice we failed, and one was someone who could not stop gagging. He went for hypnosis and had to face an unpleasant suppressed memory to get it stopped. The other was someone whose jaw did not hold the plate, so it fell off when he opened his mouth. Implants helped him. If worst comes to worst, you can get the denture anchored with implants, and they make mini ones that are far cheaper. My patients who have implants say that they are awesome, they really rave about how great they feel and chew. Implants are not for smokers because they don't anchor well. God bless you. Dentures are famous for making strong men cry. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> That myth about smokers is total BS, typical for non-smokers badmouthing smokers. I used to be a heavy smoker and never had a problem with dentures. Billions of smokers wear dentures without a problem. I realize smoking is a real nuisance and severely annoys some people, including me now, but it has absolutely no effect on dentures. The secret is to wait half a year after you get your teeth pulled, before you get your dentures made. It helps, of couse, if you have a competent denturist! Then get one of those "Postal Pencils", the purple copper permanaganate indelible pencils, that have a paper ribbon wound around the core instead of wood. Yeah, I know, they are getting hard to find, and you might have to use a substitute if you are not successful in finding one. Use that very soft pencil and touch it to any sore spot. Dont do that until your gums are properly healed and hardened for half a year! Then put the dentures in briefly. The purple will transfer and show you where you have a high spot. Scrape that high spot gently with a sharp screwdriver or key file. Dont get carried away! Just scrape until the purple is gone, then test the denture. You will soon have perfectly fitting and painless dentures. I am still and always will be grateful to the old denturist in Kittimat, BC, who taught me that trick in 1972. Eventually, as you age and shrink, you will have to reline the dentures. That is a topic for another daay, if anybody is interested. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!" | | Roy D. Mercer-How Big a Ol' Boy are Ya-#4-Pharmicist |
The Dilemma Which would you choose? You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams." Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 15, in 1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began recording daily temperature readings. 1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect following ratification by the state of Virginia. 1815 Jane Austen's "Emma" was published. 1840 Napoleon Bonaparte's remains were interred in Les Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena, where he died in exile. 1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was put into use. 1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government. 1925 The third Madison Square Gardens opened. 1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable. 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed into practice Bill of Rights Day. 1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel while en route to Paris. 1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines. 1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps. 1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed Maple Leaf flag thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag. 1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth. 1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles at the age of 65. 1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted the first data received on Earth from the surface of another planet. 1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after being held captive for five months, during which his right ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome. 1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever official relations with Taiwan. 1979 Iran demanded that the US extradite the the former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi. The US, who had initially installed him in Iran, sent him to Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical treatment on October 22, 1979. 1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of Justice ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 1981 The U.S. Congress passed $200 billion spending bill. At the time it was the largest in U.S. history. 1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian use after 13 years. 1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the Caribbean island. 1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a dissident clergyman. 1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees in the coming year. 1992 Bettino Craxi, the leader of Italy's Socialist Party, was informed that he was under investigation in a burgeoning corruption scandal in the northern city of Milan. 1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war. 1993 In Geneva, 117 countries completed the Uruguay Round of the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT). The countries agreed on a reform package. 1993 The prime ministers of Britain and the Republic of Ireland (John Major and Albert Reynolds respectively) made the "Downing Street Declaration," stating the basis for trying to achieve peace in Northern Ireland. 1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia. 1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old strike. 1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC, with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton. 2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was shut down. 2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book was to be about her eight years in the White House. The advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member of the U.S. Congress. 2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the television series "The Simpsons." 2010 The U.N. Security Council gave a vote of confidence to the government of Iraq when they lifted 19-year-old sanctions on weapons and civilian nuclear power. 2017 Do smiled. |
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