Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, November 21 Got some devastating news today. House insurance is $1535, and due by Dec 1. And I have not got it. If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Mother Made Toddler Vape With THC ____________________________________ Today, November 21 in 1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. It was built in ONE year! "I don't know whether the lout, who planned this routs was going to hell or coming out!" _____________________________________________________ You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. --- Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 - 1848) Preserving health by too severe a rule is a worrisome malady. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." _____________________________________________________ Coyote on Prairie Tulip Doug McQueen ___________________________________________________ A HISTORY OF THANKSGIVING 1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie. 1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner. 1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time. 1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them. 1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War. 1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3." 1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861. 1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first. 1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River. 1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River. 1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur. 1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around. 1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed. 1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency. 2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's grandma...it's your duty as an American... _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kiarra Clarisse, 22, Cocoa Beach, Floriduh, USA Mother Made Toddler Vape With THC A Florida mother forced her two-year-old son to smoke from a vaping device containing THC oil so that the child would sleep and eat better, according to an arrest affidavit. Investigators collared Kiarra Clarisse, 22, on a felony child neglect charge after her former girlfriend alerted the victims father about the vaping. The witness also reported that Clarisse had cancelled the boys medical appointments out of concern a doctor would discover THC in the childs system. Upon being told that his son had been vaping, the boys father contacted Floridas child welfare agency and then brought the boy to a hospital, where a drug test detected THC in the victims system. At that point, hospital officials contacted the Brevard County Sheriffs Office. The childs father told cops that the boy appeared slow and lethargic during a visit with the toddler earlier this month. As detailed in the affidavit, Katelyn Masker, Clarisses ex- girlfriend, told police that she observed Clarisse put a vape pen in the childs mouth and allow him to smoke it, in order to get him to eat more and sleep. Masker, 27, added that Clarisse would send her photos of the child after he used a wax pen. Masker said that recently all Clarisse wanted to do was party, drink, and work in the club. Court records list Clarisses employer as Cheaters, a Cocoa Beach strip club. Masker, who said she lived with Clarisse for seven months, added that Clarisse left her child in the care of other people in her household who are known to drink excessive amounts of alcohol. Clarisse declined to answer police questions, but reportedly made a spontaneous utterance stating she smokes pot at her residence, but did not smoke it in front of her son, who turned two last month. Police noted that a check of the childs medical records revealed that he had missed two recent check-up appointments with his pediatrician. Clarisse, seen above, was released from custody early this morning after posting $3000 bond. She is scheduled for arraignment on December 15. According to court records, Clarisse was convicted last year of drunk driving and placed on probation (the terms of which she twice violated). She is also facing trial on a felony narcotics charge stemming from a June 2017 arrest. Clarisse and the father of her son were busted after cops found two pounds of marijuana in their vehicle. Charged with possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell or distribute, Clarisse has been free on $2000 bond. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Leonard RE: Smart filters Dear Webby, I understand how I can filter, for example, mail with "Biden" or "Trump" in the subject line. However, my Gramma's name is Mathilda Biden. I don't want her mail sent to hell. Leonard Dear Leonard In MailWasher, when you create a filter, it lets you select the RULES. For example CONTAINS, and there you use BIDEN. Then click on MORE RULES and in that select DOES NOT CONTAIN and for the criteria fill in MATHILDA or whatever she uses for her signature. Once you have made a filter or two, you will see that that is a strategy game, that you always win. You start to wish more spam arrives, so that you can trap it and send it to hell. For the action, you can select to just mark it for deleting, but list it, and if it works right, then after a few days change that to AUTOMATIC. Straight to hell, without even listing it. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ "Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." ____________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree with me." ____________________________________________ A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? ________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 21 in 1620 The Mayflower reached Provincetown, MA. The ship discharged the Pilgrims at Plymouth, MA, on December 26, 1620. 1694 French author and philosopher Jean Francois Voltaire was born. At age 65 he spent only three days writing "Candide", without a word processor or typewriter. 1783 The first successful flight was made in a hot air balloon. The pilots, Francois Pilatre de Rosier and Francois Laurent, Marquis d'Arlandes, flew for 25 minutes and 51 miles over Paris. They used a coal fired BBQ for the hot air. 1871 M.F. Galethe patented the cigar lighter. 1877 Thomas A. Edison announced the invention of his phonograph. 1929 Spanish surrealist Salvador Dali had his first art exhibit. 1942 The Alaska Highway across Canada was formally opened. 1953 British Natural History Museum authorities announced that "Piltdown Man" was a hoax. 1962 U.S. President Kennedy terminated the quarantine measures against Cuba. 1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy and his wife, Jacqueline, arrived in San Antonio, TX. They were beginning an ill-fated, two- day tour of Texas that would end in Dallas. 1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, announced the presence of an 18?-minute gap in one of the White House tape recordings related to the Watergate case. 1979 The U.S. Embassy in Islamabad, Pakistan, was attacked by a mob that set the building afire and killed two Americans. 1980 An estimated 83 million viewers tuned in to find out "who shot J.R." on the CBS prime-time soap opera Dallas. Kristin was the character that fired the gun. (Texas) 1980 87 people died in a fire at the MGM Grand Hotel-Casino in Las Vegas, NV. 1982 The National Football League (NFL) resumed its season following a 57-day player's strike. 1985 Former U.S. Navy intelligence analyst Jonathan Jay Pollard was arrested after being accused of spying for Israel. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1986 U.S. Attorney General Meese was asked to conduct an inquiry of the Iran arms sales. 1987 An eight-day siege began at a detention center in Oakdale, LA, as Cuban detainees seized the facility and took hostages. 1989 The proceedings of Britain's House of Commons were televised live for the first time. 1992 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood, issued an apology but refused to discuss allegations that he'd made unwelcome sexual advances toward 10 women in past years. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives voted against making the District of Columbia the 51st state. 1994 NATO warplanes bombed an air base in Serb-held Croatia that was being used by Serb planes to raid the Bosnian "safe area" of Bihac. 1995 France detonated its fourth underground nuclear blast at a test site in the South Pacific. 1995 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above the 5,000-mark (5,023.55) for the first time. 1999 China announced that it had test-launched an unmanned space capsule that was designed for manned spaceflight. 2000 The Florida Supreme Court granted Al Gore's request to keep the presidential recounts going. 2001 Microsoft Corp. proposed giving $1 billion in computers, software, training and cash to more than 12,500 of the poorest schools in the U.S. The offer was intended as part of a deal to settle most of the company's private antitrust lawsuits. 2002 NATO invited Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Bulgaria, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia to become members. 2020 Do smiled. |
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