Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 3 Late last night I watched the launch of the SpaceX rocket with the Crew Dragon capsule. Everything went perfectly. When the used first stage did a pin-point landing on the recovery barge everybody at NASA went nuts with screaming applause. Today they will get to the space station and actually dock. Previously, with the cargo modules, they just got close enough and then used the Canadarm to fetch them and plug them in. This time, with the crew module, they will hit the air lock with their shot from Florida. You can watch that at http://space.com Don't worry if the docking is during your sleep time. They will of course record it and you can replay the historic event whenever you have time. Today's Bonehead Award: Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff ______________________________________________________ Today, March 3 in 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do. --- John Holt ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ross How to Use Your IRS Rebate Check... As you may have heard, each of us will be getting a tax rebate check to stimulate the economy. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs. If we purchase a computer it will go to China. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Japan. If we purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it at yard sales, tattoo parlors and on hookers, since those are the only businesses still in the US! Trump is slowly changing that, but Pelosi will call you a racist, if you buy American stuff. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ More than anything, a young man from the city wanted to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took pity on him and gave the lad a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Evan Charles McLemore, 33, Pensacola, Florida Police promise man slice of pizza to end hours-long standoff Authorities say a Florida man accused of threatening his family ended a four-hour standoff with police after he was promised a slice of pizza. The Pensacola News Journal reports that 33-year-old Evan Charles McLemore was arrested Tuesday and charged with resisting an officer and aggravated stalking. Police say officers responded to a report of a possible battery at the Pensacola home and found McLemore had barricaded himself in a room. Officers say McLemore claimed to have a gun, so they brought in a SWAT team. Crisis negotiators eventually managed to coax McLemore out with the promise of pizza. It wasn't clear if he actually received a slice. McLemore's bond was set at $105,000 bond. Jail records didn't list an attorney. Chuck Re: Connect Win XP to W10 computer Dear DearWebby IS THERE A WAY I CAN HOOK UP A COMPUTER RUNNING WINXP TO MY COMPUTER RUNNING W10 AND TRANSFER FILES? THANK YOU, CHUCK Dear Chuck There IS a way to directly connect them with a special cable, but that method requires serious reading of instructions. There is even a special USB cable available, that has a bridging chip in it. Don't use an ordinary USB cable! It will kill one of the two machines! A simple router is probably the easiest, and since everybody uses them, any neighbor kid can help you with the set-up, if necessary. However, it is quite simple and straightforward and nothing to worry about. Just plug both machines into the router, Open the little manual that comes with the router and log in to the web interface. The manual has the URL, user name and password. On the web interface choose the Wizard. It guides you through the setup quickly and easily. Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Thanks to Linda for this story: I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Ken and Melba had finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library. "You know," said Melba, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore." "Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Washing Delicate Crystal or China If you are washing delicate dishes in your sink, line the bottom of the sink with a bath towel before filling it. This will protect your crystal and china from getting chipped on the hard sink bottom. Never use your dishwasher, it is just too harsh and dishes shift around. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Dance group delivers a mind blowing performance. |
___________________________________________________ A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself; lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says, "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you." ___________________________________________________ Mandatory Vacation Two entrepreneurs were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked. She responded, "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Not Your Normal Squirrel I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighborhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was on Brice Street - a very nice neighborhood with perfect lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me. Inches before impact, and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage! I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his antisocial and extremely distracting activities. And I was minus a glove. The combination of the force of the throw, only having the throttle hand on the handlebars, can only have one result. Torque. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the pavement. The squirrel screamed in anger. The Valkyrie screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in -- well, I just plain screamed. About this time, he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the squirrel, however. Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked -- sort of. At that moment, I chanced to be passing two cops, parked, doing paperwork. Suddenly they perceive my form, screaming bloody murder, roaring by them at 80 mph. At the same moment a live squirrel grenade impacts directly into their open window. I heard new screams. They weren't mine. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the patrol car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming a riot shotgun at his own police car. That maniac squirrel was now shredding their upholstery. I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn off of Brice Street, and sedately left the neighborhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves. And a whole lot of Band-Aids. -from James Mizell, a retired police chaplain (via Chapnotes) ___________________________________________________ | Today March 3 in 1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering, began. 1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. 1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S. President's veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved this. 1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business to administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity". He also appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the Rockefeller Foundation. 1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I. 1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's autocratic rule. 1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on the Mutual Broadcasting System. 1945 Close to the end of World War II, when it was obvious that the Allies were winning, Finland changed sides and declared war on the Axis. 1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 1956 Morocco gained its independence. 1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he killed Robert Kennedy. 1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its 'Pig Award' to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers. The scene was captured on amateur video. (California) 1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the Chiapas rebels. 1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a Nile canal. 2019 Do smiled. |
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