Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, March 4 ___________________________________________________ Today, March 4 in in 1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." ______________________________________________________ I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution. --- Wernher von Braun (1912 - 1977) ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: 14th drunk driving conviction gets him 4 to 10 years in prison __________________________________________ Consider the woman who bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she turns to her husband. "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I look?" Her husband studies her for a few minutes. "Judging from your skin, 20, your hair, 18, and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer," she gushes. "Hey, wait a minute," he says, "I haven't added them up yet." __________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: __________________________________________ Consider the fellow walking along the beach who spotted an antique lamp half buried in the sand. He picked it up a rubbed it -- out popped a genie who was willing to grant three wishes. "All right," the beachcomber said. "I'd like a million dollars." Within seconds $1 million was indicated on his checkbook balance. "Second, I'd like a new Mercedes." Again, within seconds a new luxury car appeared right in front of him. "Finally, I'd like to be irresistible to women." Sad to report the beachcomber turned into a box of chocolates. ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 14th drunk driving conviction gets him 4 to 10 years in prison Brian S. VanHurk, 56, Bangor, Michigan, A Bay City man is heading back to prison on his 14th drunken driving conviction, this time for riding a Jimmy Buffett-themed motorized bicycle while intoxicated. Bay County Circuit Judge Joseph K. Sheeran on Monday, Feb. 24, sentenced 56-year-old Brian S. VanHurk to four to 10 years in prison. The judge gave him credit for eight days served in the county jail. VanHurk in November pleaded guilty to single counts of third-offense operating a motor vehicle while under the influence and second-offense driving while license suspended, denied, or revoked. The prosecution did not dismiss additional charges. The convictions stem from a Bay County Sheriffs deputy on the night of Sept. 2 spotting VanHurk riding a Margaritaville bike north on Henry Street, then turning onto eastbound East Wilder Road in Bangor Township. The bike had no headlight, so the deputy followed it before turning on his emergency lights, according to his report in court files. VanHurk pulled into a business parking lot in the 3700 block of Wilder, then drove down the sidewalk before coming to a stop, police reports said. VanHurk told the deputy he had just built the bike four hours earlier, reports show. VanHurk gave the deputy an identification card but did not have a drivers license. VanHurk smelled of intoxicants, according to the deputys report. Asked if he had had anything alcoholic to drink, VanHurk initially didnt respond, before saying he had consumed one Busch Light can four hours prior, reports state. VanHurk blew into a preliminary Breathalyzer test, which yielded a result of 0.17, police reports state. In Michigan, a person is legally intoxicated when his or her blood alcohol level reaches 0.08; a person can be charged under the states super drunk driving law when that level is 0.17 or higher. The convictions stem from a Bay County Sheriffs deputy on the night of Sept. 2 spotting VanHurk riding a Margaritaville bike north on Henry Street, then turning onto eastbound East Wilder Road in Bangor Township. The bike had no headlight, so the deputy followed it before turning on his emergency lights, according to his report in court files. VanHurk pulled into a business parking lot in the 3700 block of Wilder, then drove down the sidewalk before coming to a stop, police reports said. VanHurk told the deputy he had just built the bike four hours earlier, reports show. VanHurk gave the deputy an identification card but did not have a drivers license. VanHurk smelled of intoxicants, according to the deputys report. Asked if he had had anything alcoholic to drink, VanHurk initially didnt respond, before saying he had consumed one Busch Light can four hours prior, reports state. VanHurk blew into a preliminary Breathalyzer test, which yielded a result of 0.17, police reports state. In Michigan, a person is legally intoxicated when his or her blood alcohol level reaches 0.08; a person can be charged under the states super drunk driving law when that level is 0.17 or higher. The deputy arrested VanHurk and had his bike impounded. Court documents indicate VanHurk has 13 prior drunken or impaired driving convictions spanning 1982 to 2011. At least four of those convictions landed him in prison, most recently in 2011 when a Bay County judge sentenced him to 42 months to 20 years. The Michigan Department of Corrections discharged him in May 2017. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Conny Re: Show connection to site Dear Webby, You mentioned it once, or maybe a dozen times, but with my galloping senility, I forgot. I am getting almost as bad as Sleepy Joe Biden! How to I track from my computer to a web site, that seems to be dead, but shouldn't be? Connie Dear Connie That is fairly easy. Click on START and type cmd and hit ENTER. Then, in the scary black screen that looks like DOS did, when you were jail bait, type tracert domain-name.com and hit ENTER. For domain-name.com type the domain name of the site you want to go to. No www before it, and no subdirectory names after it. Depending on how good your connection is, the computer will show the trace to the intended target. Stars show potholes or breaks in the route. Usually, the net routes you around problems. However, if there is a serious problem right at the start, then you have to pitch a temper tantrum at your ISP. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ Consider the woman who bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she turns to her husband. "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I look?" Her husband studies her for a few minutes. "Judging from your skin, 20, your hair, 18, and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer," she gushes. "Hey, wait a minute," he says, "I haven't added them up yet." | | Baxter Black's poetry. LOL! |
_____________________________________________ An art collector was a stroll through the city. In the doorway of a store he noticed a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer and did a double take. The saucer was extremely old and very valuable. The collector walked casually into the store and offered to buy the cat for $2. "I'm sorry," said the owner, "but the cat isn't for sale." The collector pleaded. "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you $20 for that cat." "Sold," said the owner, and he handed over the cat. The art collector paused. "For the 20 bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." "Sorry buddy," said the owner, "but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold 68 stray cats." _____________________________________________ Consider the fellow who was having a trouble with a leg so he went to the doctor. "You have a touch of gout," the doctor said. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "What?" said the man. "Just so I can walk a little better?" ____________________________________________ An elderly man walking through a mall notices a younger man walking the other way with spiked hair all different colors -- green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stares. The younger man says, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" The old man replies, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son." ____________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government. 1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag. 1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping students in school. 1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 1914 Dr. Gustave Le Fillatre successfully separated three- month-old Siamese twins. One of the twins died four days later. 1917 Jeanette Rankin of Montana took her seat as the first woman elected to the House of Representatives. 1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." 1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty. 1950 Walt Disneys "Cinderella" was released across the U.S. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married. 1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first successful kidney transplant. 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced a plan to merge. 1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on- the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or abortions. 2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election. 2020 Do smiled. |
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