Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 2 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Jacksonville woman arrested for multiple armed robberies Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, August 2 in 1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get in to the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?" The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The young lady said, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." "Sounds good!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ >From Eddie The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Anapolis, MD, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, one of our guides, Dave, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double-take at Dave in his 18th century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monica Hutchinson, 38, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville woman arrested for multiple armed robberies Monica Hutchinson, 38, of Jacksonville, was arrested Friday as a suspect in an armed gas station robbery, according to the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. On July 22, police responded to a Circle K on Normandy Blvd. in reference to an armed robbery. Related Headlines Cases of hand, foot, and mouth disease on the rise, local doctor says Ex-husband of murder suspect knew she was using alias New law forces some Florida gun owners to surrender weapons According to a police report released by JSO, Hutchinson walked into the gas station and pointed a gun at the cashier, waving it around several times. The report says the cashier gave Hutchinson about $50 to $70 cash and that she set the gun on the counter when receiving the money. The manager of the business gave police surveillance video showing Hutchinson getting out of the passenger side of a gray Kia and later getting back into the vehicle. Witnesses described the robber as a white female, about 5 feet 6 inches tall, 110 pounds, with dark brown hair, wearing a hat and sunglasses, appearing to be in her mid- 40's and wearing a blue jacket and black legging pants with holes in them. The man stated it looked like she "previously had acne on her face and was a drug addict." The report says the vehicle appeared to have damage on the front of the hood and right fender. On Sunday, July 27, an officer patrolling the area of Cahoon Rd. and W Ramona Blvd. saw a vehicle matching that description, the report says. The officer said the damage to the hood and right fender was very distinguishable, and recognized the vehicle from the multiple robberies. The officer notified other units and conducted a traffic stop. According to the report, all occupants were detained. The report says it should be noted that Hutchinson was detained wearing the same black leggings worn in the Circle K robbery, as seen on surveillance, and that they had a very distinctive design. Hutchinson was arrested and charged for the armed robbery at the Circle K, and the other two people from the vehicle were arrested on local charges, the report says. Tech Support Pits From: Scott Re: Too Old Computers Dear Webby Our club gets, among other things, old computers donated to us, so that we can try to convert them into cash for charitable purposes. However, quite a few are so old, that we can't do anything with them and just wind up paying disposal fees. Do you have any ideas? Thanks Scott Dear Scott Hold a Computer Smashathon. Provide safety goggles and a sledge hammer and charge a dollar per hit. You'll be surprised how much money you will raise! When they are all smashed to bits, glue them together into a big abstract sculpture, take good pictures of it and sell it on eBay. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Stormy Take the batteries out of that blasted smoke alarm," Ethel snapped at her husband. "It bleeps no matter what I'm cooking." Her husband argued, "I don't think that's a good idea." One look at his cranky wife however, and he dismantled it. She grumbled, I wish you could dismantle the blasted parrot." The parrot that had a huge repertoire of sounds. He drove Ethel to distraction daily, imitating sounds like the phone ringing, barking dogs, crying kids, doors slamming. It sang TV commercials, almost any sound, if the bird heard it enough, it would imitate. He loved to say, "Ethel" over and over. Ethel slid the turkey into the oven. She was in a hurry, had more shopping to do as company was coming. As she went out the door, the bird called, "Goodbye Ethel." She yelled back, "Just shut up." The parrot sang over and over, "Shut up, Shut up, Shut up," until he tired. Dealing with a bad mood, had made Ethel careless. She had turned the oven temperature too high. It wasn't long before smoke curled around the stove. Neighbours heard the smoke detector. Knowing no one was home, they dialled 911.The fire dept. arrived, turned off the oven, then tossed the blackened turkey out the door. They looked for a smoke alarm, but it wasn't there. The parrot was sitting on the table watching. Everyone jumped when he lit into an ear piercing siren of a smoke alarm. Ethel was visibly shaken finding the firefighters in her home. Her parrot was preening from all the attention he was getting. She turned white when the neighbours told her what had happened. She held the parrot, "I guess you better stay after all." The bird responded, "Shut up Ethel, Just, Shut up!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway, and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked, "What's wrong?" Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed, and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "I'm sorry, I always get emotional at this hole -- it holds very difficult memories for me." One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?" Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack -- right at this very hole!" "Oh no!" the other golfers said. "That must have been horrible!" "Horrible? You think it's horrible! ?" Bob cried in disbelief. "It was worse than that! Every ho le for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was... hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Food Jars For Small Items Baby food jars are great for storing small nails, screws and other items so that they are easy to see. You can attach the metal lids to the underside of a shelf, the jars can then hang from the shelf and be seen easily. When I was living in a hastily built cabin in the Yukon while building a new house, after the other one had burned down, I used a similar system. I trimmed a small log to took like a 6-sided banister post, and suspended it between two "L" brackets with a big screw in each end. Each of the six sides held a different group of items, and I could just turn it to whichever side I needed. It was like a horizontal "Lazy Susan". Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | 31 unusual places in North America people can actually visit. |
___________________________________________________ >From Ginny My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story. We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?" My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk." ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 2 in 1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the first father-son pair to receive a patent. 1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were installed along streets. 1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining of picture and sound for movies. 1938 Bright yellow baseballs were used in a major league baseball game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St. Louis Cardinals. It was hoped that the balls would be easier to see. 1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act prohibited civil service employees from taking an active part in political campaigns. 1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 1983 U.S. House of Representatives approved a law that designated the third Monday of January would be a federal holiday in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The law was signed by President Reagen on November 2. 1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The film was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding production quotas set by OPEC. 1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers. The two were said to have been caught spying on military sites. 2018 Do smiled. |
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