Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, May 28 _____________________________________________________ Today, May 28 in 1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Lousiana Police Hunting Toilet Paper, Vodka Thief ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. === Terry Pratchett If you are not criticized, you probably are not doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - ) Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers. They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily. While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties. For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew: 'When standing on the bridge looking towards the bow, Port is Left, Starboard is Right. ______________________________________________________` Away from the kids _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jana Snowden, 30, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Police Hunting Toilet Paper, Vodka Thief Louisiana police are hunting for a woman who this month allegedly stole nearly $800 worth of vodka and toilet paper from a Walmart outside Baton Rouge. Cops say Jana Snowden, 30, loaded up a shopping cart with 21 bottles of Tito's vodka and then covered the booze with four cases of Cottom Comfort and Scott toilet paper. Snowden, a Baton Rouge resident, then wheeled her cart out of the store without paying for the merchandise. Two Walmart employees confronted Snowden as she sought to boost the vodka and toilet paper, but she ignored them and made her getaway in a vehicle parked outside the store. Snowden is seen above in a surveillance image recorded around 9 AM on May 12. Police estimated the vodka and toilet paper haul's value at $784.05. When collared, Snowden will face a misdemeanor theft charge that carries a maximum of six months in jail. DearWebby's tech Support Pits From: Wanda Re: Too much spam DearWebby, My spam is up to over two hundred per day. I know you keep telling me to quit whining and get Mailwasher, but I don't have time to learn how to make the filters that you keep talking about. Is there ANY other way to stop spam? Wanda Dear Wanda Yes, there are other ways. Two of them: 1) Rent more senators than the spammers do, and get them to stop protecting spammers and put in some effective laws against spam or 2) Teach some members of the militant wings of the Hells Angels or the Klu-Klux-Klan to become web literate and wait for their reaction to spam. If those alternatives are a bit beyond your budget, conquer your fear of filters and try MailWasher! Once you see how easy it actually is to make filters, you will be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. It is so easy that I doubt you will ever bother to read the instructions. Because I have business addresses that I can not change, and because I have had them the same sinc 1993, I get a LOT of spam and average 4100 pieces of mail per day. 93% of that is spam. I would go totally nuts trying to deal with that by hand. Instead, MailWasher makes me smile every morning when it shows just a few emails but says in the status line something like: 487 mails not shown in list I hit F6, and 187 pieces of spam get flushed to hell, unread, and without even having been shown in the list. There is no other computer program that makes me smile as much. Just take that first step, click on the FireTrust button on the side margin, just below the currency converter, and get it. A lot of the spam is dumped automatically, because MailWasher has learned from existing users what is good and what is bad. Filters are for exceptions, for example mail from your ex or your ex mother in law. Whenever there is something occurring frequently, make a filter for that. It can be a name, or address or word or phrase in the body of the mail. You don't need to learn programming, just paste your ex's address into the FROM slot, and choose an action. That's all there is to it! Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A knight and his men return to their castle after a hard month of riding. "How are we faring?" his king asks. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh." replies the knight. "Well, you do now." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A guy asked his mother, "Why don't you get call-waiting? Your phone is always busy, and I can't get through." She replied, "I DO have call-waiting. You call; if the line is busy; you wait!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info Leave a message on your answering machine; giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Butchart Gardens have to be the most beautiful gardens in the world. |
___________________________________________________ I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like. At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!" ___________________________________________________ At their tag sale, my daughters put all of the "junk" they just wanted to get rid of in a carton they marked "Free Box." Moments after they set it at the foot of the driveway, a man drove up, looked at the box, dumped its contents on the lawn and drove off with thw free box. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze. "The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." ___________________________________________________ | Today May 28 in 585 BC A solar eclipse occurred that had been predicted by Thales Miletus. 585 BC The Persian-Lydian battle ended. 1533 England's Archbishop declared the marriage of King Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn valid. 1805 Napoleon was crowned in Milan, Italy. 1863 The first black regiment left Boston to fight in the U.S. Civil War. 1892 The Sierra club was organized in San Francisco, CA. 1900 Britain annexed the Orange Free State. 1918 Azerbaijan declared independence. 1928 Chrysler Corporation merged with Dodge Brothers, Inc. 1929 Warner Brothers debuted "On With The Show" in New York City. It was the first all-color-talking picture. 1934 The Dionne quintuplets were born near Callender, Ontario, to Olivia and Elzire Dionne. The babies were the first quintuplets to survive infancy. 1937 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pushed a button in Washington, DC, signaling that vehicular traffic could cross the newly opened Golden Gate Bridge in California. 1940 During World War II, Belgium surrendered to Germany. 1953 The Walt Disney film "Melody" premiered in the Paramount Theatre in Hollywood. The picture was the first 3-D cartoon. 1961 Amnesty International, a human rights organization, was founded. 1976 The Peaceful Nuclear Explosion Treaty was signed, limiting any nuclear explosion regardless of its purpose to a yield of 150 kilotons. 1977 Fire raced through the Beverly Hills Supper Club in Southgate, KY. 165 people were killed. 1985 David Jacobsen, director of the American University Hospital in Beirut, Lebanon, was abducted by pro-Iranian kidnappers. He was freed 17 months later. 1987 Mathias Rust, a 19-year-old West German pilot, landed a private plane in Moscow's Red Square after evading Soviet air defenses. He was released August 3, 1988. 1995 An earthquake in the Russian town Neftegorsk killed at least 2000 people. It had a magnitude of 7.5. 1996 U.S. President Clinton's former business partners in the Whitewater land deal were convicted of fraud. 1998 Pakistan matched India with five nuclear test blasts. The U.S., Japan and other nations imposed economic sanctions. Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif said "Today, we have settled the score with India." 1998 Dr. Susan Terebey discovered a planet outside of our solar system with the use of photos taken by the Hubble Space Telescope. 1999 In Milan, Italy, Leonardo de Vinci's "The Last Supper" was put back on display after more than 20 years of restoration work. 2002 Russia became a limited partner in NATO with the creation of the NATO-Russia Council. 2015 The Observatory at One World Trade Center officially opened. 2019 Do smiled. |
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