Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, December 21 Shortest day of the year. Now they are getting longer, finally! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 5 arrested for stealing from Kentucky tornado victims ____________________________________________________ Today, December 21, in 1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, of injuries from a car accident. ____________________________________________________ The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) ------------- Somebody should 'splain that to Bidet ____________________________________________________ A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin. The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath." The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?" So, he decides to ask a minister. The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him. Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath. Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play." The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others are convinced that sex is work?" The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it." ____________________________________________________ Coyote near Calgary ____________________________________________________ Men Vs. Women Let's look at a few rather important topics to prove this: NICKNAMES If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Pecker and Schmucko. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want some change back. The girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.; The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.No man will be able to identify most of these items. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. THE FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of short people living in the house. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Every married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing, is there? LISTENING What a woman says: "C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean. Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do laundry now." What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Authorities arrested 55-year-old Kevin Stowe, 57-year-old Ronnie D. White, 56-year-old Lynne E. Bailey Jr., 29-year-old Kaitly R. Moore, 52-year-old Linda K. Morris, MAYFIELD, Kentucky, USA 5 arrested for stealing from Kentucky tornado victims Deputies and state troopers in Kentucky arrested five people on Friday who are accused of stealing property and cars from the victims of last weeks deadly tornado outbreak. According to the Graves County Sheriff's Office, deputies learned of a group of people rummaging through personal property and towing vehicles in the area of Cardinal and Pritchett Road, which was hit particularly hard by the tornado. Many people in the area died in the storm. Deputies from Graves and Calloway Counties along with troopers flocked to the area where they found the group in action, authorities said. Investigators said the group attempted to leave the area with several damaged cars in tow. Authorities pulled them over and discovered household goods, new shoes, muddy change, copper wiring and other items that belonged to tornado victims, deputies said. Investigators said the vehicles in tow also belonged to storm victims who are either displaced, hospitalized or deceased. Deputies said some of the suspects contradicted each other when giving statements about having permission from the owners of the property. And the sheriffs office said it later contacted the homeowners who further disproved those claims. Authorities arrested 55-year-old Kevin Stowe, 57-year-old Ronnie D. White, 56-year-old Lynne E. Bailey Jr., 29-year- old Kaitly R. Moore and 52-year-old Linda K. Morris. Stowe faces charges of theft of automobile and theft of motor vehicle registration plate. Investigators said the car Stowe drove sported a stolen license plate from Tennessee. They also claim he had $120,000 in his possession. The remaining four each face a charge of theft by unlawful taking automobiles. Morris also faces charges for operating on a suspended license, theft by unlawful taking personal property and possession of meth. Deputies said they found syringes containing meth in the vehicles she was operating and in her purse. Investigators said Morris possessed copper wiring and a brand new pair of womens boots that had been stolen from a victims home. Moore also faces a meth charge along with a count of tampering with physical evidence. Deputies said Moore hid meth in a body cavity. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Eddie Re: Time in other countries Dear Webby I need the time in different countries. Thanks Eddie Dear Eddie Try https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/ That site has been around since the mid 90s. They also have all kinds of related information. Have FUN! DearWebby He didn't like the casserole, And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard... Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right, He didn't like the stew. I didn't mend his sock, The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his MOMMA used to do. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition." ______________________________________________ Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two." ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 21, in 1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the radioactive element radium. 1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the "New York World" in England. The name was later changed to "crossword." 1914 Marie Dressler, Charlie Chaplin, Mabel Normand and Mack Swain appeared in the first six-reel, feature-length comedy. The film was entitled "Tillie's Punctured Romance". 1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first shown in Moscow. 1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." 1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until after the end of World War II. 1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, of injuries from a car accident. 1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State) declared its independence. 1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27. 1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed U Thant as secretary-general. 1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr. and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that Gacy was later convicted of killing. 1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 1990 In a German television interview, Saddam Hussein declared that he would not withdraw from Kuwait by the UN deadline. 1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian control. 1998 Israel's parliament voted overwhelmingly for early elections. It was the signal to the demise of Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's hard-line government. 1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998. 1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that said it was suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel. 2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison for a rape that he maintained he never committed. He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests were performed. 2021 Do smiled. |
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