Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, March 14 Have FUN! DearWebby With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets! |
| If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | | | |
Today's Bonehead Award AND a Darwin Award goes to a Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape an alligator Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 14, in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. ______________________________________________________ "Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else." --- PJ Orourke Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a classic that keeps coming back: A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Shirley M for these famous quotes from TV shows: Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out. ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin A ward has been earned by Jimmy Olsen 24, Naples, Floriduh Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape a young alligator A zoo keeper was killed this morning in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo, while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12 foot long reptile. According to Captain Henri White, spokesman of the Naples Police Department, 24-year old Jimmy Olsen was engaged in full sexual intercourse with one of the younger reptiles, when he was surprised by one of the larger animals which attacked from behind. The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator, who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Jimmy Olsens death took place around 6:00 AM this morning, but his disappearance was noticed only an hour later by other employees. They finally discovered his dismembered body floating in the pool of the alligator enclosure around 8:30. The images captured by the security cameras show that Mr Olsen had clearly placed himself in a very vulnerable position, Captain White told reporters. He had his pants around his knees and was lying down on top of one the animals, with his back to the others. The poor guy didnt stand a chance! We can see him being dragged in the water, then he disappears from sight. He was probably dead within thirty seconds of the attack. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patricia Re: Thumbnail maker Dear Webby I need a program for making thumbnails of a huge number of pictures. And NO, it can not be anything as dangerous as a paint program, it has to be simple and hubby-proof and not have the option of accidentally destroying the original by overwriting it with a little thumbnail. Also, I don't want a program that makes proof sheets because there will have to be some serious weeding out first. Just something simple and fast that will process a drive or a directory full of pictures in one batch and not need any messing around with individual pictures. Thanks Patricia Dear Patricia For that I would recommend Oscar's Thumb-Maker. You can download it free from http://www.mediachance.com/free/thumber.htm It's at the right hand bottom of that page. The left side of that page is just the story of why Oscar wrote that thumbnail maker. The trick with that program is to FIRST make a folder where you want it to store the thumbnails. The rest is easy. Browse to the drive or directory that has the originals, select that. Browse to the destination directory and select that. Choose the size, and hit start. It takes about 1/2 to 3/4 of a second per picture, and when it stops flashing the thumbnails in a high speed slide show, it is done. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ It was Judi's first plane trip. Boarding the aircraft she settled into a window seat in the smoking section. A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat." "Go away and find another seat!" Judi replied. He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Inside of an Egg By Katherine Main [1 Post] Stick a hole in each end of the egg with a needle being careful not to crack the egg as you slowly get the hole started with the needle. You then blow on one end of the raw egg and the egg will go through the other end if the hole is as large as the head of a pin. Hold over a bowl. You can use the eggs to make scrambled eggs if you are doing a lot. This is the only method I know of how to remove raw eggs and then you can place a sequin with glue over the small hole. Use a leather needle for the holes! They are like a 3 sided pyramid drawn to a sharp point, with each corner of the pyramid sharp enough to cut thick leather. You can twirl it like a drill and grind a hole into the shell. There is no strain on the shell and never a crack. Once you have both holes needle size, you can use a cheap 3/16" drillbit to enlage the exit hole. Just twirl it between thumb and forefinger, like you did with the leather needle. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. My neighbor Bob can vouch for that. He got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When he undid the woman in front of him in the checkout line, she turned and hit him with a frozen chicken. ___________________________________________________ | an old trick with a new twist |
____________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain what the value of the insured property was just before it burned, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ____________________________________________________ A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a minute?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere." ____________________________________________________ | These cookies are too pretty to eat! |
| Today on March 14 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. 1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12 hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an income tax report. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba making it possible for Castro to defeat the government. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. 2016 Do smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . | Recommended Resources
Protect up to 3 PCs with NEW Malwarebytes Anti-Malware Premium! Find a human
Bypass voice menus Web Tools
handy program downloads
Babelfish Translator ¥ £ $ ?
Currency Converter
Urban Legends
Truth or Hoax?
Check before believing chain letters
Virus Hoaxes
Virus / Trojan / Malware Info
Straight from McAfee Threat Center
FREE HTML Course !
Get the REAL McAfee
at incredible discount!
used and
Highly recommended
by Dear Webby
This Undeleter will easily and securely recover deleted files from hard drives, flash drives, USB external drives, Zip drives, Firewire drives, digital camera cards, and more. This powerful recovery software can recover deleted files from most data loss scenarios.
Is your data worth recovery? Roboform, still the best password manager.
Still FREE
Highly recommended by DearWebby
FREE, no fuss download!
Domain Name
Registration
$10 for .com, .net, .org, .biz, .us, .ca
(.ca $10, if you also order hosting, otherwise .ca is $20, still cheaper than elsewhere)
YOUR OWN
Postcard Site ! You too can easily have a postcard site for business or fun.
| If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Cumuli Ezine Finder: |
Ads are $50 per week for subscribers only.
$250 per month for anybody else.
Dear Bubba
All is forgiven. I still love you. Please come back!
Ps. Congratulations on your lottery win!
Your Betty-Sue
That could be YOUR ad for $50 per week.
Subscribers only!
Nudist Colony of Alberta
Closed for the season
Space Weather
Solar storms, Auroras
Thesaurus
Sky Map: the interactive planetarium of the Web
Sky Watch: Calendar of celestial events
Weather Underground
Maps and Satellite
Click a meal to a homeless vet!
HungerSite
A free click donates a cup of food to a hungry person.
The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get you to click. Donate by clicking on them!
BreastCancer Site
A free click helps to donate mammograms to women who can not afford one.
Feed the Animals!
Animal Rescue
Do, Please Feed Dear Webby!
Privacy Policy
Unique visitors since 1/1/11
Have FUN
Dear Webby
CEO of Webby, Inc
DearWebby @ webby.com
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0
Canada |
|
