Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, March 14 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Welfare queen busted for fraud after showing off her wealth on FaceBook Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 14 in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Banaue rice terraces, Ifugao, Philippines _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Galit Levi 37, Hollis Hills, New York Welfare queen busted for fraud after showing off her wealth on FaceBook A welfare queen who collected nearly $100,000 from Medicaid was actually worth more than a million dollars, and flaunted her wealth on Facebook. Now, she's facing jail time. Galit Levi lives a pretty comfortable life if you follow her Facebook. She reportedly has deposited over a million dollars into her bank account with her husband over the past few years. During that time, however, she was also collecting tens of thousands of dollars in Medicaid benefits, claiming tp be out of work while her husband earned less than $2000 a month. Levi is now facing fraud charges, and is accused of forging her Medicaid application. Her Facebook page showed she lived pretty well, with lots of pictures of her and her family having a good time. They also reportedly bought a nice house, only to tear it down so they could build a bigger, more luxourious one. A Queens mom with $1 million in the bank fleeced Medicaid of nearly $70,000 over three years, officials announced Thursday. Galit Levi, 37, of Hollis Hills, was charged with grand larceny, welfare fraud, and falsifying business records, according to the Queens District Attorney's office. To get approved for Medicaid benefits, Levi claimed she was unemployed and that her husband earned approximately $1,750 a month not enough to support the two adults and their four kids. Officials approved Levi and her family for public assistance in January 2012 after she filed what turned out to be a bogus claim, authorities said. She then proceeded to bilk the system of $67,000 through December 2015, submitting several renewals for Medicaid assistance, the criminal complaint said. But in fact, a review of Levi's bank accounts with her husband uncovered deposits from 2012 through 2016 that exceeded $1.3 million, authorities said. Levi faces some serious charges. Just the charge of grand larceny could land her in prison for 15 years. Although she was able to make bail of $5,000, she had to turn over her passport, so she cannot flee back to Israel. Medicaid is intended to help the truly needy, but this defendant's bank records allegedly show her family's income was well above the levels that would have made her and her children eligible for assistance, said Queens District Attorney Richard Brown. Tech Support Pits From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby This is about a column a while ago. I was on vacation. There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumb Drives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. Some stores even give them away whenver they have some sale on. But even if you have to pay $1 or $2 for a 10 GB Thumb Drive with their logo printed on, it is still a good deal. Have FUN! DearWebby There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection! Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband, stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck for this story: One afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh, well...um..." I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since. | This precious geological wonder is found in southern Arizona |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 14 in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his improvement on the cotton (en)gin. 1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across the Channel. 1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws of heredity. Mendel was right after all. 1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after their war. 1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with Germany in naval strength. 1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12 hours to 93 minutes. 1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the Chilean coast. 1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with the Central Powers. 1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an income tax report. 1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed suicide. 1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge is God and itself. 1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its independence. 1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista government of Cuba. 1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a permanent one. 1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases were hit. 1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were married or would get married. 1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard the plane. 1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in its 23-year history. 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. 1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti- terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic militants. 1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley. He was eventually acquitted, but her kids,not his-, sued him for $80 Million and after he appealed, they got $30 Million. He is dead now. 2018 Do smiled. |
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