Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 2 _____________________________________________________ Today, September 2 in  1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Drunk Offered Cops Bet On How High Her Blood Alcohol Content Would be  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ A waist is a terrible thing to mind. --- Jane Caminos An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. --- Dylan Thomas (1914 - 1953) _______________________________________________ A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!" ________________________________________________`   Faroe Island _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Mary Westerlund, 62, The Villages, Floriduh  Drunk Offered Cops Bet On How High Her Blood Alcohol Content Would be  A woman arrested for drunk driving asked cops if they wanted to place a bet on what she registered on a breathalyzer test, according to court records. Mary Westerlund, 62, was nabbed late Monday evening near her home in Florida's The Villages retirement community. Cops approached Westerlund's Acura after receiving a report of a drunk female being present at the Fire Station. Westerlund, cops say, was impaired and had bloodshot glassy eyes and heavily slurred speech. As she screamed at a sheriff's deputy, the officer detected the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage coming from her breath, according to an arrest affidavit. When police sought to place her in a patrol car, Westerlund, pictured above, reportedly struggled with a deputy and announced that she was not going to jail. After being driven to the county lockup, Westerlund submitted two breath samples--but not before offering a police technician a 25-cent wager. Westerlund, who was convicted of drunk driving in 2015, estimated that she would blow a .190 BAC. The legal blood alcohol content level is .08. The Intoxilyzer operator--who did not accept the two-bit offer- -subsequently had Westerlund provide samples that registered her BAC at .229 and then .210. Westerlund was charged with drunk driving and resisting a police officer, both misdemeanors. She was released from custody the following afternoon upon posting $3000 bond.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Carolyn Re: Temperature in status line  Dear Webby, I would like to know of a safe, free download that shows the temperature next to the time on my taskbar. Do you know of one? Thank you for your time and your help. You are the only one I trust. Carolyn  Dear Carolyn The only safe one I know is the outside thermometer from the Dollar store, that you stick onto a real glass window or window sill. You don't even have to turn the computer on for those. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A friend asked a gentleman why he never married. Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." 
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 >From Ed Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?" The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Ham Leftovers Here are some ways to make use of your ham leftovers: ham and cheese omelets, ham and cheese sandwiches, split pea soup, ham and bean soup, ham and eggs, pot pies or quiche. thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________  
 
 
Nine incredibly beautiful animals. 
 ___________________________________________________ >From Joan I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. They used the buddy system, he said, and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters. Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do when you see a shark?" Said my son, "Swim faster than my buddy." ___________________________________________________ After being laid off, Judie papered the town with her resume. Days passed, and she hadn't received a single phone call. She decided to take a closer look at the copies her husband had printed at his real estate office. Judie quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be reasonably accurate, can not be guaranteed." ___________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, I REALLY don't want to be president by the time I am your age !!!" __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, September 2 in 31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, became the first Roman emperor. 1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned by General George Washington. 1789 The U.S. Treasury Department was established. 1864 During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat of the Confederates. 1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair. 1930 The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captain Dieudonne Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent lighting was put into operation on the New York Central railroad. 1945 Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri, ending World War II. The war ended six years and one day after it began. 1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. 1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and frequency of on-site inspections. 1963 The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace. Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 1985 It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 1 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. The luxury liner had been missing for 73 years. 1991 The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a space station. 1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more than 120,000 people. 1998 In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch their first strike in Air Canada's history. 2019 Do smiled.