Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, November 18 ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Arrest made in overnight incident in Wichita ____________________________________ Today, November 17 in 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. _____________________________________________________ Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer _____________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ April teaches at many athletic clubs around town. As such, she gets to work out quite a bit and is in absolutely gorgeous physical shape. She's a beautiful woman to begin with, and so it's not surprising some of the guys who work at these clubs are smitten with her. One young stud didn't have the courage to approach her directly. He instead got another club co-worker to see if April might be "available." The girl came up to April and said, "So, like, do you have a boyfriend?" April said, "I live with someone." The girl nodded her head and without missing a beat said, "Is it, like, serious?" _________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Micah Fleming, 29, Wichita, Kansas, USA Arrest made in overnight incident in Wichita WPD arrested 29-year-old Micah Fleming of Wichita on three counts of aggravated battery domestic violence (DV), four counts of aggravated assault of a law enforcement officer, one count of battery of a police animal, and a Kansas Department of Corrections (KDOC) absconder warrant. At approximately 11:20 p.m. Saturday, officers were called to a disturbance with a gun at a home in the 9000 block of East Funston. They were advised that Fleming was making threats, damaging property, and was possibly armed with a gun. When officers arrived, they discovered that Fleming did not live at the home and was not only wanted on two previous felony DV cases, but was an absconder through KDOC as well. A WPD negotiator who was on-duty responded and attempted multiple times to communicate with Fleming, but the attempts were fruitless. Fleming pointed a firearm at officers who were outside attempting to communicate with him. After Fleming was arrested, the firearm was determined to be a C02 powered air gun. The WPD Special Weapons and Tactics (SWAT) team and additional negotiators were requested to assist. Additional WPD SWAT negotiators arrived on the scene and tried for several hours to communicate with him, but the attempts were unsuccessful. WPD SWAT and K9 team made entry into the basement located Fleming and arrested him at approximately 5:30 a.m. Fleming sustained minor injuries from a dog bite and a Taser deployment. No officers were injured. The investigation is ongoing, and the case will be presented to the Sedgwick County District Attorneys Office. Additionally, Fleming has previous felony convictions and recently absconded from KDOC parole. "Absconded from parole" means no more bail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Mary E. RE: Telemarketers Dear Webby, I always run these type of things through the Virus or Urban legends site, but I didn't find this one. Do you know if it's true. I'm afraid to sign on to something that might just put me on more lists! Subject: annoying telemarketers I don't know about you all, but I am appalled about the number of annoying telemarketing calls that I'm getting at home these days. I just found out that the government will be developing a "no call" list this summer. Want to get on it? Go to this website: nocall.doj.state.ca.us Mary E. Dear Mary Your government won't do anything to protect you from telemarketers. Just look at the call display. If it is not a number you recognize, then just ignore it. If it lists a state or town, ignore it. Don't even pick it up, because that shows them that the number is active. Just ignore the skunks. Some of them now fake a number close to yours. When you see that, grab your squeaky duck before you pick uo the phone. If it is a neighbor, no problem, but if it is a teleskunk, then let Squeaky squeak at them, full volume. Remember, YOU are paying the phone bill, not the skunks. You don't owe them anything! Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." ____________________________________________ When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker. ____________________________________________ A lady was browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, "My husband is going to be so upset when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," the hostess replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today November 18 in 1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight the continent of Antarctica. 1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the New York "Saturday Press." 1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. rights to build the Panama Canal. 1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse. 1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of Francisco Franco. 1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays. 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. 1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium for use in nuclear weapons. 1987 The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides. 1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, staff and patients. 1993 American Airlines flight attendants went on strike. They ended their strike 4 days later. 1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties approved a new constitution. 1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion. To date it was the largest banking deal in U.S. history. 2020 Do smiled. |
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