Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, September 25 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida man arrested after breaking into Key Largo home to nap and burgle, swims away from deputies when chased, but is caught by game warden. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 25 in 1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. --- Henrik Tikkanen Democracy is the illusion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White, 1944 Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates your headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefl y and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!", the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." _____________________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?" ______________________________________________________ Kiss ? _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Brandt, 22, Miami, Florida Florida man arrested after breaking into Key Largo home to nap and burgle, swims away from deputies when chased, but is caught by game warden. A man from Miami was arrested in Key Largo on Tuesday night after deputies said he broke into a home to take a nap in the air conditioning. Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies responded to a gated community when a security officer reported that Michael Brandt, 22, was acting suspicious and fled away from him on a bicycle, WPLG reports. When deputies found Brandt outside the neighborhood, he got off his bike, jumped into the water, and swam away. During the deputies' search, a state wildlife officer located Brandt on the roadway and arrested him. Deputies said Brandt admitted to breaking into the home so he could sleep in the cool AC, and that he also stole money in the house, WPLG reports. He remains at the county jail on a $115,000 bond for charges of burglary, grand theft, criminal mischief, and resisting arrest, according to jail records. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie Yes, sure there is a way. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the AUX-IN or the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. The AUX-IN socket is the one that has neither a headphone nor a microphone symbol, but something weird and incomprehensible. often it is color coded blue. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with Google. Windows Sound Recorder works too. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Some of the not-free programs even have fancy scratch and static filters. Save the music in MP3 or MP4 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP3 or MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby From Jerry: Dear Webby, I know that St. Patrick's Day is over, but couldn't pass this by. Jerry An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lime Deposits in a Teakettle Remove lime deposits from your teakettle by filling the kettle with equal parts vinegar and water. Then bring the water to a boil and let it sit over night. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Someone's had way too much time! |
____________________________________________________ One employee said to another, "When the boss' son starts work here next week, remember that he's not supposed to have any special privileges or authority. Treat him just like you would anyone, who is due to take over the whole company in a year or two." __________________________________________________ | | The forgotten history of the Neapolitan 'Kindergarten Ship' where street boys were given a chance to get an education and make a life for themselves. |
___________________________________________________ From Annie I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a haircut. Without hesitation, the barber said, "When he's four." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ From Fran Dear Webby I sure am glad you talked me into getting MailWasher! All of a sudden email is useable again, and just shows the real mail, without any of the junk. Many, many thanks! Fran ____________________________________________________ | Today, Sept 25, in 1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama. He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. 1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on Montreal. 1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights. 1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico. 1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S. National Park in Central California. 1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the Treaty of Versailles. 1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His show ran until June of 1950. 1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation between Newfoundland and Scotland. 1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students were escorted to class at Central High School in Little Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days earlier because of unruly white mobs. 1965 Willie Mays, at the age of 34, became the oldest man to hit 50 home runs in a single season. He had also set the record for the youngest to hit 50 ten years earlier. 1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated", filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from the locker room after the game. 1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy missiles. 1986 An 1894-S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist. 1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400 million. 1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its warring factions. 1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his biological parents. 1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost $980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it reached Mars in August of 1993. 1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the Independence Party. 1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the NBA as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became the president of basketball operations for the team on January 19, 2000. 2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to take over the government on September 19. 2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service. 2017 Do smiled. |
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