Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, February 1 No more voting. We went out as the winner with a huge margin. ___________________________________________________ Today, February 1 in 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. That was the end of civilization in Iran. ______________________________________________________ "The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces." --- Maureen Murphy ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Jury gives death sentence to man who killed two workers in Tulare County orchard __________________________________________ Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 5,000 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen the shirts since. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle. Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin's Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took us three days to put out the fire. Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer and it kept him going until New Year's Day. I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. It only rained twice last week. First for four days and then for three days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days . . . UP SHE COMES! Your loving mother P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope. __________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for sendinbg me this picture: Sheep Going Through San Boldo Pass, Italy ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Hernan Rodriguez, 29, Visalioa, California Jury gives death sentence to man who killed two workers in Tulare County orchard After several weeks of deliberation, a jury in Visalia handed down the death penalty for a Reedley man convicted of murdering two field workers. Earlier this month, Hernan Rodriguez, 29, was found guilty of two counts of first-degree murder in the killing of two men in a plum orchard in Dinuba in 2015. A third man was shot but survived. Rodriguez was also convicted of three counts of attempted murder with the use of a firearm and being a felon in possession of a firearm. The murder and attempted murder counts came with special circumstances. The jurys recommendation of death is still legal in California. Voters have continually shown their support of this penalty, including those here in our county, Tulare County District Attorney Tim Ward said in a statement Thursday. Sentencing is scheduled for April 17. The victims, who worked with Rodriguez at the orchard, where on lunch break when he shot them with a highly modified sawed-off, 9 mm semi-automatic rifle wrapped in duct tape, the DAs office said. Rodriguez used a strategic vantage point and took a soldiers stance with the weapon, firing seven shots in rapid succession. One of the men was shot in the head and died at the scene. The second, was taken to the hospital where he remained on life support for several weeks. The victims in this case were hard working grandfathers who provided for their families in more ways than one, Ward said. That their lives ended in an act of workplace violence is a tragedy. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Straws Dear Webby I know this is not a computer question, but since you have answered other wacky questions, here is one about straws. You are probably aware about the hysteria about straws. It is apparently OK to shit on the sidewalk in Pelosi's district, but using plastic straws will get you thrown in jail. What is your solution? Olga Dear Olga Well, if it was up to me, I would throw Pelosi in jail, and allow straws. For drinking, straws can be made from bio-degradeable and re-usable celluloid. DUH! You can also grow real straw in your back yard or window sill flower box, or get it from a farmer in hay bale quantities for about $2 per 50 pound bale. Real straw was used originally, until plastic straws became more profitable. Real straw still works. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray." ---------------- That reminds me... I was supposed to rest on days without a "T". Luckily we had Thaturday, Thunday, Today and Tomorrow. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'". ___________________________________________________ ============= Lawyer jokes are not fair. They are too easy a target. Glad you have so few of those. ========Worley======== Mullany arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Mullany. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" ___________________________________________________ DIET: It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight. When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no debts, and no pollution. The women did all the work while the men hunted or fished all day. Ever since then, a bunch of do-gooders have been trying to "improve" the place. --- Sitting Bull __________________________________________________ | No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 1 in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the already popular steamboat. 1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1920 The first armored car was introduced. 1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound clean and jerk as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and Syria. It was broken 1961. 1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph. 1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. That was the end of civilization in Iran. 1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re- entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2019 U.S. President Trump confirmed that the U.S. would leave the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty of 1987 due to Russian non-compliance. Russia suspended its obligations to the treaty the next day. 2019 Do smiled. |
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