Good Morning, Do! Today is Satuday, Sept 2 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead award Man Police Say Pointed A Gun At Them In Delray Beach got shot ___________________________________________________ Q Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. --- Janet Long The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball (1911 - 1989) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ History: 1991, The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. ___________________________________________________ Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 5,000 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen the shirts since. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle. Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin's Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took us three days to put out the fire. Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer and it kept him going until New Year's Day. I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. It only rained twice last week. First for four days and then for three days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days . . . UP SHE COMES! Your loving mother P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope. __________________________________________________ Moraine Lake, Banff National Park, Alberta. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ DIET: It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight. __________________________________________ Bali Myna ____________________________________________________ WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." NORM: "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." _______________________________________________ A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!" ___________________________________________________ When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no debts, and no pollution. The women did all the work while the men hunted or fished all day. Ever since then, a bunch of do-gooders have been trying to "improve" the place. --- Sitting Bull ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray." -------------- Personally I prefer to use "T" as in "Today", "Tomorrow", "Tuesday", "Thaturday", "Thunday". ___________________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'". _______________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Straws Dear Webby I know this is not a computer question, but since you have answered other wacky questions, here is one about straws. You are probably aware about the hysteria about straws. It is apparently OK to shit on the sidewalk in Pelosi's district, but using plastic straws will get you thrown in jail. What is your solution? Olga Dear Olga Well, if it was up to me, I would throw Pelosi in jail, and allow straws. For drinking, straws can be made from bio-degradeable and re-usable celluloid. DUH! You can also grow real straw in your back yard or window sill flower box, or get it from a farmer in hay bale quantities for about $2 per 50 pound bale. Real straw was used originally, until plastic straws became more profitable. Real straw still works. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." NORM: "I know, if she calls, I'm not here." __________________________________________________ Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. About your father. He has a lovely new job. He has 5,000 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetary. There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in, but it isn't working too good. Last week I put 14 shirts into it, pulled the chain and I haven't seen the shirts since. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle. Your Uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at Dublin's Brewery. Some of his workmates dived in to save him but he fought them off bravely. We cremated his body and it took us three days to put out the fire. Your father didn't have much to drink at Christmas. I put a bottle of castor oil in his pint of beer and it kept him going until New Year's Day. I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube into my mouth and told me not to open it for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him. It only rained twice last week. First for four days and then for three days. Monday it was so windy that one of our hens laid the same egg four times. We had a letter from the undertaker. He said if the last installment wasn't paid on your grandmother within seven days . . . UP SHE COMES! Your loving mother P.S. I was going to send you $10 but I had already sealed the envelope. ___________________________________________________ A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!" _____________________________________________________ The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver. Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray." _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Straws Dear Webby I know this is not a computer question, but since you have answered other wacky questions, here is one about straws. You are probably aware about the hysteria about straws. It is apparently OK to shit on the sidewalk in Pelosi's district, but using plastic straws will get you thrown in jail. What is your solution? Olga Dear Olga Well, if it was up to me, I would throw Pelosi in jail, and allow straws. For drinking, straws can be made from bio-degradeable and re-usable celluloid. DUH! You can also grow real straw in your back yard or window sill flower box, or get it from a farmer in hay bale quantities for about $2 per 50 pound bale. Real straw was used originally, until plastic straws became more profitable. Real straw still works. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _______________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Steven Magill, Delray Beach, Florida, USA Man Police Say Pointed A Gun At Them In Delray Beach got shot The man who police say pointed a gun in their direction during a welfare call was just released from the hospital after he was shot by deputies. Steven Magill of Via Delray allegedly stood in a canal and pointed a gun at Palm Beach County Sheriffs Office Deputies on August 23rd. At least one of the deputies responded by shooting Magill. The incident was captured on police bodycam. PBSO released a still shot of Magill seemingly pointing a gun at a deputy. He is now charged with aggravated assault on an officer. Magill is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail without bond. PBSO issued this statement just after the shooting. At 11:34 pm, Wednesday, August 23, 2023, Deputies responded to a welfare check in the 5600 block of Via Delray, Delray Beach, according to police. Upon arrival, deputies made contact with an adult male that was threatening suicide. The male began walking up and down a canal bank. Deputies began following the male to establish a rapport with him. At one point the male produced a firearm and placed it to the side of his head. Deputies continued to try to talk to the male, in hopes of offering him mental health services. The male entered the canal which was no more than knee to waist deep and continued walking. Deputies were positioned on both sides of the canal bank following him and continuing to establish a rapport when suddenly the male pointed his weapon at deputies. Deputies discharged their firearms striking the male in the upper torso. The male was transported to a local hospital where he is currently in stable condition and expected to survive. FDLE (the lead investigators), PBSO Violent Crimes detectives and the State Attorneys Office investigators are investigating this Deputy Involved Shooting. PBSO Deputies are currently on administrative leave which is standard department protocol. __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today Sept 2, in 31 B.C., The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Octavian, as Augustus Caesar, became the first Roman emperor. 1666, The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed. 1775, Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned by General George Washington. 1789, The U.S. Treasury Department was established. 1864, During the U.S. Civil War Union forces led by Gen. William T. Sherman occupied Atlanta following the retreat of the Confederates. 1897, The first issue of "McCalls" magazine was published. The magazine had been known previously as "Queens Magazine" and "Queen of Fashion." 1901, Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak softly and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair. 1930, The "Question Mark" made the first non-stop flight from Europe to the U.S. The plane was flown by Captain Dieudonne Coste and Maurice Bellonte. 1938, The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent lighting was put into operation on the New York Central railroad. 1945, Japan surrendered to the U.S. aboard the USS Missouri, ending World War II. The war ended six years and one day after it began. 1945, Ho Chi Minh declared the independence of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. 1961, The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban treaty negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain when the three nations could not agree upon the nature and frequency of on-site inspections. 1963, The integration of Tuskegee High School was prevented by state troopers assigned by Alabama Gov. George Wallace. Wallace had the building surrounded by state troopers. 1969, NBC-TV canceled "Star Trek." The show had debuted on September 8, 1966. 1985, It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 1 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. The luxury liner had been missing for 73 years. 1991, The U.S. formally recognized the independence of Lithuania, Lativa and Estonia. 1992, The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a space station. 1996, Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more than 120,000 people. 1998, In Canada, pilots for Canada's largest airline launch their first strike in Air Canada's history. 2023, Do smiled.
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