Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 3 _____________________________________________________ Today, September 3 in 1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you lcan help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Florida man assaulted pregnant girlfriend _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. --- Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. --- Jewish Proverb The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and also that which it fears. --- James Allen _______________________________________________ >From Rosa My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed water melon from trunk". ________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roldan Aleman, 22, Pinellas Park Floriduh Florida man assaulted pregnant girlfriend A Florida Man who has the phrase Family Over Everything tattooed across his chest threw his pregnant girlfriend to the ground because he believed the victim was talking to another man, police say. Roldan Aleman, 22, was arrested early yesterday following a 2:50 AM confrontation in a Pinellas Park apartment. According to a criminal complaint, Aleman picked up the victim and dropped her to the ground. Aleman, seen above tought the woman--who is four months pregnant with his child--had been conversing with another man. The unemployed Aleman later struggled with police seeking to arrest him for battering the pregnant woman. Aleman, investigators allege, punched and kicked officers, prompting one cop to deploy his taser. Aleman also allegedly repeatedly punched and kicked a police dog in the face and chest. It looks like the police dog kicked him back. In addition to multiple felony battery and resisting arrest counts, Aleman was charged with marijuana possession after a small amount of pot was found in his backpack. Aleman, locked up on $20,300 bond, has previously been convicted of obstruction, marijuana possession, and battery (the victim was his current girlfriend). He has been arrested on several other occasions--for strong arm robbery, aggravated assault, and battery on a senior citizen--but those matters were not pursued by prosecutors. In one of the dropped cases, Aleman was arrested for allegedly punching his pregnant girlfriend in the face and biting her cheek. The victim in that 2015 case is the same woman Aleman is accused of assaulting yesterday. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: Status line gadgets Dear Webby, What happened to all the status line gadgets that we used to have before I got carried away redecorating a computer salesperson and had to spend time "away" ? Carolyn Dear Carolyn I remember all those gadgets, especially the clocks. Some clock maker made a deal with a hacker and virus provider to bundle a Trojan with his clocks. Somebody at Microsoft freaked out, and subsequently had to spend time "away". Because that person, or persons, were "away", the rest of them figured that the sidebar app, that was used to mount the clocks, had an open back door, and they killed the entire side bar. The date gadget was from before that, from Windows 3.3, so they left that alone, but all the sidebar mounted gadgets were axed, without warning. An emergency update murdered the sidebar without any warning. Eventually they found that the problem was not a back door in the sidebar, but a trojan, that by then the anti malware programs effectively shielded against, so they relented and allowed some gadgets like the analog clock, the automotive style memory usage dial and the CPU usage dial. There might be more by now, but those three are the only ones I use. Those are safe and don't cause any problems. CPU temperature used to be critical, but with reasonably modern computers, that is no problem anymore. For room or outside temperature you need an analog to digital converter and sending unit, and a USB receiver. The easiest way to do that is to get a cheap kid's weather station. It has all that built in and will even give you the wind speed and wind direction. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. A Cat's Prayer Now I lay me down to sleep, The king-size bed looks soft and deep... I'll move right into the center groove So my humans can hardly move! I've trapped their legs, they're tucked in tight And here is where I pass the night No one disturbs me or dares intrude Till morning comes and "I want food!" I sneak up slowly to begin Then nibble on my human's chin. They wake up quickly, I have sharp teeth - And my claws I will unsheathe For the morning's here and it's time to play I always seem to get my way. So thank you Lord for giving me These human beings that I see. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Some friends were hoping their second child would be a girl, and they even had a name picked out. The ultrasound didn't reveal the baby's sex, though, and since the expectant father had orders from the Navy to ship out before the due date, he told his wife, "We'd better pick out a boy's name, just in case." But when it was time for him to report for duty, they still hadn't decided. At sea a few weeks later, he got notification that his son, Justin Kase, had been born. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Returning Items If you plan on returning items that you received as a gift but don't have a receipt you will want to do it within a week or so of Christmas. Most stores are much more relaxed about returns immediately after Christmas. If you don't have a receipt, they may only extend in store credit rather than cash. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Nine incredibly beautiful animals. |
___________________________________________________ Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" ___________________________________________________ You're getting old when... The mail lady gets you so excited that your pacemaker opens the garage door across the street. ___________________________________________________ Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, September 3 in 1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared war on Germany. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II. 1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam under a new constitution. 1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of the road and began driving on the right side. 1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's surface. 1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government. 1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world's largest accounting firm. 1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other. 1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy the team he had once played for. 2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 2019 Do smiled. |
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