Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, May 27 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Elsbeth! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Casa Grande K9 helps find 500K fentanyl pills hidden inside collagen bottles; 2 arrested ___________________________________________________ History 1977, George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) I have such poor vision I can date anybody. --- Garry Shandling (1949 - ) ----- Yeah, me too. __________________________________________________ An Indian, a man of some years, is hanging around a film crew on location deep in the desert. One day he goes up to the director and says, "Tomorrow rain." The next day, it rains. A week later, the old fellow walks up to the director and says, "Tomorrow storm." The next day, there is a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," the director says. He tells his secretary to hire the man to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian disappears. Finally, the director sends for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," says the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugs his shoulders. "Don't know. They repossessed the TV." ___________________________________________________ Learning from his doctor that he had but a year to live, a man goes to his minister to ask for advice. The minister ponders the situation for a moment, then says: "Tell you what. Go buy an old pickup truck, marry the ugliest woman you can find and go live together in an old trailer in the wastelands of Oklahoma." "Will that help me live longer?" the downhearted man asks. "I'm afraid not," the minister says. "But it'll make the time you have left seem like forever." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Martha Lopez, 31, Tania Solis,30, CASA GRANDE, Arizona, USA Casa Grande K9 helps find 500K fentanyl pills hidden inside collagen bottles; 2 arrested Two people were arrested after police say they found 500,000 fentanyl pills inside collagen supplement bottles during a traffic stop near Casa Grande. According to police, an officer and K9 Deutz conducted a traffic stop on a black SUV at 5:42 p.m. on May 23 on Interstate 10. The driver, 31-year-old Martha Lopez, was pulled over for speeding. "During the traffic stop, K9 Deutz and his handler discovered approximately 500,000 Fentanyl pills concealed in collagen supplement bottles," Casa Grande Police said. "Additionally, one handgun and a large amount of U.S. currency was discovered." Lopez and her passenger, 30-year-old Tania Solis, were arrested and booked into jail. Two juveniles who were also inside the SUV were placed into the Department of Child Safety custody. Lopez and Solis, both Phoenix residents, are accused of multiple charges including possession, transportation, and importation of narcotic drugs for sale, weapons misconduct, and endangerment. "The transport and sale of drugs in our community affects us all," Casa Grande Police Chief Mark McCrory said. "It is hard to quantify the number of lives this investigation has saved, but I am sure we are making a difference. Our Officers are combating this issue daily and I commend their efforts, especially knowing our K9 who was recently bitten by a rattlesnake is already back in full service." ---- I am glad K9 Deutz is OK! ___________________________________________________ One woman in the checkout line was laden with a mop, broom and a cart full of cleaning products. The line was slow and she sighed and complained often to others waiting with her. Finally reaching the cashier, she was slowed again when the price of a cleaning liquid had to be checked. "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Easter!" she proclaimed to the entire store. "Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom, you'll be home in no time." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ The priest was preparing for Mass when an IRS agent arrived. The agent asked: "Father, do you know a Mr. Mahoney?" "Why yes I do," the priest replied. "He's been a member in good standing in this parish for many years." "Did he make a $50,000 donation to the church as he claimed on his tax return?" Without missing a beat, the priest replied, "Rest assured he will, my son -- he definitely will." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A 16-year-old girl buys herself a very skimpy bikini. Modeling it for her mother, she asks: "So, Mom, what do you think?" Her mother replies, "I think that if I had worn that when I was your age, you'd be five years older!" ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Spreadsheet grid lines Hi Dear Webby, I again seek your invaluable help with how to show grid lines from a spread sheet list when printing it Thanks mucho as always. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter That depends on the spreadsheet you are using. Open office / office libre calc, microsoft excel, quattro pro, etc. They all do it slightly differently so that they won't get sued too much. Usually they have a button, that has grid lines. That lets you choose what kind of grid lines you want, horizontal, vertical, both, just the selection, etc. I usually use "just the selection" that way I can have normal text with just a spreadsheet insert. Look for that button with a spreadsheet grid on it, make your selection, and experiment. Once you are in that button, it's easy. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ On a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. The more The Success, The more The Relatives. When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking, I Gave Up Reading Sign In A Bar: 'Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance.' Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You Sleep Alone | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man says, "I do Father." The priest says, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approaches a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," is the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," says the priest, and he walks up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't Father," O'Toole replies. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiles, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now." ______________________________________________ The mother of a problem child complained to the pediatrician that she was on the go constantly trying to ward off the little boy's next misadventure. The pediatrician prescribed tranquilizers for her and on her next visit he asked whether they had helped calm her. "Yes" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Dear God: --"Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother." -- Larry. --"If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes." -- Mickey. --"In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?" -- Jane. --"I read the Bible. What does 'begat' mean? Nobody will tell me." -- Alison. --"Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?" -- Norma. --"Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy." -- Joyce. ___________________________________________________ | Today, May 27, in 1647, Alse Young (Achsah Young or Alice Young), a resident of Windsor, CT, was executed for being a "witch." It was the first recorded American execution of a "witch." 1668, Three colonists were expelled from Massachusetts for being Baptists. 1813, Americans captured Fort George, Canada. 1896, 255 people were killed in St. Louis, MO, when a tornado struck. 1901, The Edison Storage Battery Company was organized. 1907, The Bubonic Plague broke out in San Francisco. 1919, A U.S. Navy seaplane completed the first transatlantic flight. 1926, Bronze figures of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer were erected in Hannibal, MO. 1929, Colonel Charles Lindbergh and Anne Spencer Murrow were married. 1931, Piccard and Knipfer made the first flight into the stratosphere, by balloon. 1933, Walt Disney's "Three Little Pigs" was first released. 1933, In the U.S., the Federal Securities Act was signed. The act required the registration of securities with the Federal Trade Commission. 1935, The U.S. Supreme Court declared that President Franklin Roosevelt's National Industrial Recovery Act was unconstitutional. 1937, In California, the Golden Gate Bridge was opened to pedestrian traffic. The bridge connected San Francisco and Marin County. 1941, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt proclaimed an "unlimited national emergency" amid rising world tensions. 1941, The German battleship Bismarck was sunk by British naval and air forces. 2,300 people were killed. 1942, German General Erwin Rommel began a major offensive in Libya with his Afrika Korps. 1944, U.S. General MacArthur landed on Biak Island in New Guinea. 1960, A military coup overthrew the democratic government of Turkey. 1969, Construction of Walt Disney World began in Florida. 1977, George H. Willig was fined for scaling the World Trade Center in New York on May 26. He was fined $1.10. 1982, Japan announced the elimination of tariffs on 96 industrial goods. 1985, In Beijing, representatives of Britain and China exchanged instruments of ratification on the pact returning Hong Kong to the Chinese in 1997. 1986, Mel Fisher recovered a jar that contained 2,300 emeralds from the Spanish ship Atocha. The ship sank in the 17th century. 1988, The U.S. Senate ratified the INF treaty. The INF pact was the first arms-control agreement since the 1972 Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT I) to receive Senate approval. 1994, Nobel Prize-winning author Alexander Solzhenitsyn returned to Russia. He had been in exile for two decades. 1995, In Charlottesville, VA, Christopher Reeve was paralyzed after being thrown from his horse during a jumping event. 1996, Russian President Boris Yeltsin negotiated a cease- fire to the war in Chechnya in his first meeting with the leader of the rebels. 1997, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the sexual harassment suit filed by Paula Jones could continue while President Clinton was in office. 1998, Michael Fortier was sentenced to 12 years in prison for not warning anyone about the plot to bomb an Oklahoma City federal building. 1999, In The Hague, Netherlands, a war crimes tribunal indicted Slobodan Milosevic and four others for atrocities in Kosovo. It was the first time that a sitting head of state had been charged with such a crime. 2010, Universal Studios reopened its backlot. The area had been destroyed by a fire two years before. 2022 Do smiled. |
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