Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, October 14 ____________________________________________________ Today, October 14 in  1947 - Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first American to break the sound barrier. The Germans broke the sound barrier repeatedly with the Messerschmit jets, but because they lost the war, that did not count. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Sydney killer took selfie after he slit a woman's throat before going on a stabbing run  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ You are not a product of your surroundings. You are a product of your own perceptions! --- Socratex I would rather live and love where death is king than have eternal life where love is not --- Robert G. Ingersoll Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --- H. L. Mencken _______________________________________________ Cajun Confession Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole." Priest: "Well, that's not so bad." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left." Priest: "What did you do with it?" Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse." Priest: "OK, anything else?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage." Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left." Priest: "Yes?" Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom." Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?" Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber." ________________________________________________`   Golden Pheasant ____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________     An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Mert Ney, 21, Sydney, Australia  Sydney killer took selfie after he slit a woman's throat before going on a stabbing run  The man accused of going on a stabbing spree through Sydney's CBD casually took a selfie in a laneway just moments after allegedly slashing the throat of a 24-year-old woman. Michaela Dunn was found dead in a Clarence Street unit on Tuesday almost two hours after Mert Ney, 20, was first seen on CCTV entering the apartment at 1.30pm. New footage obtained by Channel Seven emerged of Ney wandering into an alley just before 2pm, pausing and then appearing to hold a phone in front of his face. After seemingly taking a selfie, he then ran out of the deserted alleyway onto neighbouring Clarence Street - where his rampage through the city began. The footage emerged after Ney's 24-year-old alleged victim was identified as Ms Dunn, who attended Rosebank College, a Catholic school in Sydney's inner west and had been studying at the University of Notre Dame before becoming a sex worker. Police say Ms Dunn was a sex worker and Ney had been her client, having made an appointment to see her at 1.30pm. * 2pm: Police receive calls about a man armed with a knife and wearing a balaclava wandering York Street in Sydney's CBD. * Officers arrive to find 41-year-old woman Linda Bo suffering a stab wound at the Hotel CBD on the corner of King and York Streets. * A short time later, three members of the public detain Mert Ney, 21, before he's arrested by police. * 3.15pm: The body of a 24-year-old woman is found in a Clarence Street unit. * Police investigate whether the body is linked to the earlier stabbing. * 5.30pm: NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller confirms the two crimes are linked and reveals Ney has a history of mental health issues. * Police say the Marayong man has no links to terrorist organisations but does have some 'ideologies in relation to terrorism'. * Ney was allegedly carrying material 'about other crimes of mass casualties and mass deaths around the world', the commissioner says. * Detectives conduct a thorough search of Ney's western Sydney home *Police reveal Ney had arranged to meet with the sex worker at 1.30pm on Tuesday. CCTV footage shows Ney leaving the apartment building at 1.50pm. Heroic bystanders managed to stop a blood-soaked man who allegedly went on a stabbing rampage at Sydney's Wynyard train station on Tuesday just after 2pm. Covered in blood and wielding a large knife, Mert Ney, 21, could be seen yelling in the street as hundreds of people fled for their lives. Luke O'Shaughnessy, 30, a champion Muay Thai boxer from Manchester, who watched as the incident unfolded, managed to subdue the crazed attacker by putting a milk crate over his head and sitting on him until the cops arrived. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Alice Re: Spreadsheets  Dear Webby, You mentioned spreadsheets before, and again today. I still don't have a clue about how they work. Keep it simple, please! Alice  Dear Alice Spreadsheets have a big bunch of cells. They are nnumbered from the top down, and have a letter starting at the left and increasing towards the right. The top leftmost cell is A1 To the right of it, on the same row is B1, next is C1 Below A1 is A2, below that is A3, and so on. Thimble enough? Now if you have a number like 237 in cell A1 and another number like 345 in cell B1, and a formula like +A1 * B1, when you hit ENTER, that formula disappears and instead you see 811,765 You can do the same using cells far away and use ANY formula that you can think of or can copy. Do you think that is pretty neat, well you ain't seen NOTHING yet! Spreadsheets also work on text! Say you have the names of all your clients in column B. Then way over on the right you have a formula like "Dear " +B1 + "here is your current invoice." Do you see where I am going? Then look where that company's invoice total is, for example in F1. Add that to your formula. And so on. Then for sending hit the cell, where you have their email address. That starts your email program and puts their address into the TO line. Now copy what is in the formula cell. What goes into the email is not a formula, but nice clean text and numbers. Paste that into the email. Since you probably have your name and company logo in the signature block, you just hit CTRL E to send the email. I have done that since 1993. My invoice formula is so old, it probably belongs into a museum. No other program has the versatility and flexibility of spreadsheets. The big question is which one to get. It makes no difference. People argue about them as if they were religions, but they all do the same. They have minor differences in how to do things, but that maked no difference. Just pick one, and get comfortable with it. I love Quattro. It used to be independent, then got bought by WordPerfect, which in turn got bought by Corell. Sometimes I use Excel, and sometimes I use Open Office Calc. Calc is totally free, not even ads. Guess what industry is preferring! Schools and colleges are used to bribes from Microsoft and insist that all the kiddies buy Microsoft Office with Excel. Once the kiddies graduate, they of course toss Excel where it belongs, and get Calc. I highly recommend Open Office Calc. It is free, and becoming the industry standard. Since it does everything Excel can do, there is no need to toss a lot of money at Microsoft. If you plan to get a job in an educational or government institution, get comfortable with Excel. If you plan to get a job in industry or commerce,get comfortable with Open Office Calc. Keep in mind, Calc can pick up Excel files, work on them, and save the results back as Excel. No matter which spreadseet you get, just get comfortable with it. They all have good help built in, and if you have a really tricky problem, tell me. That is how I originally got the name DearWebby. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 My parents scoffed, but I knew my college degree in geology would come in handy one day. It was during basic training, at Sheppard Field, Texas, and I was pulling KP duty. When the sergeant asked me what I did in civilian life, I proudly announced that I was a geologist. "Good. I'm looking for someone with your background," he said, while dropping a bulging sack onto the table. "You've got just the right qualifications to pick the rocks out of this hundred pounds of beans." 
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 A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "I had to help get dad's truck unstuck and unloaded, so mom and my sister did my homework." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Memory Aid: Tie a Ribbon Around Your Wrist If you have a problem remembering something, tie a ribbon around your wrist and write down what you are trying to remember. Then when you look on your wrist, there it is plain as day! thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
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 ___________________________________________________ Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on welfare fraud issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in their community. ___________________________________________________ Nancy stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" asked the librarian. "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. You must be the person who took our phone book!" ___________________________________________________ In the washroom in the airport I saw this handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from Hillary." __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, October 14 in 1066 - The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of England. 1879 - Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 1887 - Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an agreement for the international marketing rights for the phonograph. 1888 - In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental film "Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving motion picture. 1912 - Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not serious and he continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. 1922 - Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour. 1926 - The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its debut. 1933 - Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from the League of Nations. 1936 - The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took over the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 1944 - German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide rather than face execution after being accused of conspiring against Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow. 1944 - During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade liberated the city of Athens. 1947 - Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first American to break the sound barrier. The Germans broke the sound barrier repeatedly with the Messerschmit jets, but because they lost the war, that did not count. 1954 - C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000 people. 1962 - The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day that U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered Soviet medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22 U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced that he had ordered the naval "quarantine" of Cuba. 1964 - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice in America. He was the youngest person to receive the award. 1968 - The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S. spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 1970 - Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the death of President Nasser. 1972 - In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north of Kirkuk. 1986 - Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S. wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the arms race in space. 1987 - Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 2001 - Toys "R" Us introduced the new version of Geoffrey the giraffe in a 60-second commercial before WABC-TV aired Disney's "The Emperor's New Groove." 2002 - Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 2019 Do smiled.