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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after firing warning shots Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 31, in 1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. --- Anon Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. --- Saint Francis of Assisi _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Sandie After attending a community meeting that adjourned at 10 p.m., my mother realized she had locked her keys in the car. The only place open was a bar and grill down the street. When Mom walked in, the bartender asked her what she'd like. "I need a coathanger," she replied. "Lady," he said, "I've made a lot of drinks in my time, but I've never heard of that one." ______________________________________________________ Confusion is one woman plus one multiple choice left turn; Excitement is two women plus one secret; Bedlam is three women plus one bargain; Chaos is four women plus one lunch check and one coupon. ______________________________________________________ >From Jean Waterfall Island at Iguazu Falls ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, Miami, Floriduh Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after warning shots It took a few days, but police finally caught up with a pair of bumbling would-be bank robbers whose warning shots outside a Miami bank backfired giving an employee inside enough warning to lock the front door. Unable to get inside, the defeated duo took off, without any money. Thats an astute employee, Miami Police Detective Kenia Fallat said. He took a chance and ran to the door. He did the right thing. A day after last Fridays attempted heist, one of the men who told police he was concerned after seeing bank surveillance video of himself on television turned himself in. On Tuesday, his buddy did the same. Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, was charged with armed robbery with a deadly weapon and discharging a firearm in public. His buddy Kevin Alberto Reyes, 25, was charged as an accessory after the fact. Cuevas remained in jail Wednesday without bond. Police say it was just before 6 p.m. March 18 when Reyes parked his red, four-door Nissan Altima in front of Regions Bank at 2800 NW Seventh St. Then, police said, Reyes got out of the car, walked through its glassed-encased ATM foyer and opened the banks front door to make sure it wasnt locked. At the same time, the affidavit says, Cuevas walked outside the ATM entrance and pulled out a semi-automatic pistol, inserted a magazine, cocked the gun, and shot three times in the air while standing by the door of the bank. While firing his weapon, police said, Cuevas screamed, This is a robbery, mother... It scared the employees and customers enough to dive for cover, police said. But one worker leaped into quick action, locking the banks front door while Cuevas was going gangster outside. Stunned the door wouldnt open, police said Cuevas backpedaled and jumped into the Altima while Reyes gunned the engine and took off. Reyes would later explain to police that he was out drinking with Cuevas before they headed to the bank. It was only after Cuevas got out of the car, Reyes said, that he heard the gunshots. Police said Reyes told them he was unaware Cuevas had a weapon. But he did drive off with him after, an officer wrote in Reyes arrest affidavit. Reyes also didnt attempt to contact police until he saw his picture on television. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Spreadsheet recovery Dear Webby I love Open Office....it crashed with a spread sheet open the other day...and although it can recover it, it has to "recover" it every time I try and open it. It's always the same, regardless of what spreadsheet I try and open -- the first time the recovery fails, the second time it is successful. I even upgraded to the newest version of Open Office this morning thinking maybe Open Office was corrupt, but the problem persists. A friend opening the same spreadsheet (shared in a group) doesn't get the message. Any ideas, oh great computer guru friend of mine? Donna Dear Donna Save it under a new name. Excel does the same. Just save it under a new name, and then later save it back with the old name. That usually fixes that common spreadsheet bug. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep a Medication List By Carol Swanson [37 Posts, 242 Comments] At the suggestion of my allergist, I keep an updated list of my medications in my handbag. She tells me that if you are taken to the hospital, it is very difficult to reconstruct a list of medicines for the patient. One never knows if they will be in an auto accident or suffer a stroke or other episode and not be able to speak for themselves. I keep my list on my computer so it is easy to update and to print out, but handwritten is good too. I also list non prescription items my doctors want me to have. Men can make a list to keep in their wallet. That way every time you leave your house you will have it with you. Source: My physician Don't forget your home! EMTs are trained to expect to see that list on your fridge. That way they instantly know about heart or diabetes or allergy conditions, instead of having to guess why you are on the floor making weird gestures. It doesn't have to be a big print, a post-it note size is enough. That can save your life. A month after my heart failure a few years ago friend once called the EMTs on me, when I didn't respond to her Skype messages because I was busy mopping the floors. They came storming in like a SWAT team, and ran to the fridge to look for my medication list. Luckily I do have one pinned up with a fridge magnet. Once they saw me mopping the floor they relaxed, but they pointed to the list and said they wished everybody had one pinned up on the fridge. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here." ___________________________________________________ | baby elephant tries to figure out his trunk |
____________________________________________________ >From Karla I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" -------------- Reminds me of the time I told a telemarketer that the reason I was not interested in her long distance scam was because I didn't have a phone. She apologized for calling. ____________________________________________________ Q: What is the most dangerous part of a car? A: The nut that holds the steering wheel. ____________________________________________________ | Today on March 31 1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity. 1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military action in Crimea. 1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to American trade. 1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely illuminated with electric light. 1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the workday for women and children to 11 hours. 1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for an independent state of Morocco. 1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to await a wage adjustment. 1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands from Denmark for $25 million. 1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the thousands of coal miners on strike. 1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps to relieve rampant unemployment. 1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany threatened invasion. 1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western trains headed toward Berlin. 1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 10th province. 1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in New York City. (New York) 1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed in Los Angeles. 1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from Kurdish guerillas. 2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-mail service called Gmail. 2016 Do smiled. |
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