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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 22, in 1630, Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists at their first Thanksgiving dinner. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Chicago-area man met woman on dating app, tied her up in his mom's basement and beat her __________________________________________________ Q Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ________________________________________________ A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that he had been stealing building supplies for years from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take?" his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake." "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat?" "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But, if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber." __________________________________________________ My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." __________________________________________________ Jennil Modar Northern Pygmy Owl February 19, 2023 Alberta Wilderness _________________________________________________ My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, my neighbor said, "Well, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." ________________________________________________ A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' mess saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ____________________________________________________ Cindy Landry ___________________________________________________ >from Rock I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. "So, what have you been doing with yourself?" the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just stealing cars and selling drugs and getting the grand daughters of my former professors knocked up." They've never called back. ___________________________________________________ For his wife's birthday party, George ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older. You are just getting better." Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom." It wasn't until the maid served the cake that he discovered, that the cake read: "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP. YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Riverdale, Illinois, USA Chicago-area man met woman on dating app, tied her up in his mom's basement and beat her A Riverdale man was arrested for allegedly holding a woman he met on a dating app against her will and beating her. She may have also been sexually assaulted. According to Dolton police, the man had been holding the woman against her will in his mother's house since Sunday. On Monday, the pair went to an Advanced Auto Parts store located on Sibley Boulevard in Dolton. The man sent the woman into the store to make a purchase. While the woman was in the store, police say she approached the cashier bruised and battered and told them the situation, including that he had a gun. At that point, the man entered the store and told the woman that was enough. He then grabbed the woman and forced her into a white vehicle where they drove away westbound on Sibley, police said. The two employees said they tried to stall, but couldnt and wrote down the license plate after the man and woman took off. They then called police. "She said had a gun. We didnt want him to shoot through the glass or anything like that," said Kevin, an employee of the store. The vehicle was tracked to the suspect's mother's home in Riverdale, where police spotted it parked outside. The man was taken into custody and the woman was found tied up in the home's basement. According to police, the mother of the suspect had no idea the victim was tied up in her basement. Charges were pending against the suspect. Police are also conducting a rape kit on the woman. No further information was immediately available. ____________________________________________________ So," Jane asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of- the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear, that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site." _____________________________________________________ Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first." _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Spreadsheet lines Hi Dear Webby. thank you for quick response. I am using O O, which I should have mentioned. I can't locate the button with the sidelines. I just want the grid lines to show when printing the page. Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter Dear Walter File NEW Spreadsheet Scroll WAY over to the right till you see the crosdsdhairs. That lets you choose what kind of grid lines you want, horizontal, vertical, both, just the selection, etc. Tou can, of course, also add thm to old spreadsheets. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, February 22 in 1630, Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists at their first Thanksgiving dinner. 1784, "Empress of China", a U.S. merchant ship, left New York City for the Far East. 1819, Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 1855, The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The next morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 21 years before the Congress would vote on funds again. Work was continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge of the project. 1859, U.S. President Buchanan approved the Act of February 22, 1859, which incorporated the Washington National Monument Society "for the purpose of completing the erection now in progress of a great National Monument to the memory of Washington at the seat of the Federal Government." 1865, In the U.S., Tennessee adopted a new constitution that abolished slavery. 1879, In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 5 and 10-cent store. 1920, The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit opened in Emeryville, CA. 1923, The first successful chinchilla farm opened in Los Angeles, CA. It was the first farm of its kind in the U.S. 1924, U.S. President Calvin Coolidge delivered the first presidential radio broadcast from the White House. 1969, Barbara Jo Rubin became the first woman to win a U.S. thoroughbred horse race. 1973, The U.S. and Communist China agreed to establish liaison offices. 1984, The U.S. Census Bureau statistics showed that the state of Alaska was the fastest growing state of the decade with an increase in population of 19.2 percent. 1994, The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and his wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. Ames was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife received a 5-year prison term. 1997, Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly was actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first mammal to have been successfully cloned from an adult cell. 2002, In the Philippines, An MH-47E Chinook helicopter crashed into the ocean. All 10 men aboard were killed. 2010, A copy of "Action Comics #1" sold at auction for $1 million. The comic featured the introduction of Superman. 2010, Walmart announced it was acquiring the video streaming company Vudu, Inc. 2022 Do smiled.
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