Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, February 21 Today's Bonehead Award: Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school ______________________________________________________ Today, February 21 in 1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) The last time anybody made a list of the top hundred character attributes of New Yorkers, common sense snuck in at number 179. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation. "It's my old Plymouth!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >Mark A fussy eater, my nine-year old son asked me to please buy multigrain bread.Happy that he wanted to eat so healthily, I purchased a loaf. The next morning, while making his sandwich for school, I told him how happy I was that he liked multigrain bread. "I don't," he said. "But the kid who I trade sandwiches with does." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, Richmond, Wisconsin Mom wanted 15-year-old to sell marijuana at school A New Richmond mother accused of involving a minor in a plot to sell pot pleaded not guilty to all charges in St. Croix County Circuit Court Tuesday, according to court records, which included an additional felony possession of marijuana with intent to distribute charge. Ann Marie Ratliff, 36, of New Richmond, was charged along with Nicholas Luke Bard, 27, of Ellsworth, with felony using a child to manufacture, distribute or deliver drugs as party to a crime. The two allegedly attempted to involve teenagers known to Ratliff in the sale of marijuana after a mother discovered messages between Ratliff and her 14-year-old son concerning the price of a bag of weed, according to a criminal complaint. Bard was charged Jan. 24 in in Pierce County with felony possession of THC with intent to distribute and misdemeanor possession of drug paraphernalia, court records show. Ratliff is scheduled to make her next court appearance March 8. According to the complaint: After learning of the conversation between Ratliff and a 14-year- old friend of her son, River Falls police went to Ratliff's home and found about 20 grams of marijuana and a gold metal pipe. Ratliff initially told police she didn't know the drugs were there and said her son might have put them in her suitcase. Conversations found on Ratliff's phone between her and Bard suggest they wanted minors to sell drugs for them. >From Lana Re: Find the speed of a computer Dear DearWebby, I am considering buying a computer from an aquaintance. How can I quickly tell what speed and type it is? Lana Dear Lana Just hold down the Windows key and hit the Pause/Break key. It may take a second or two, but then Windows will show you all you need to know, even which version of Service Pack patch has been installed. Actual processor speed is not really relevant. If the machine is polluted with tons of speeder-uppers and similar utilities, it will perform much slower than a machine with an older and slower processor, but no goofy utilities. Open a word processor, see how fast it does that. Copy a big document, like the Windows EULA small print, paste it into a new document, and then do a Search/Replace. For example search for "the" and replace it with "tip". If you have done that with your old computer, then you know how many seconds that should take. Compare the time it takes on your friend's machine. THAT will give you a realistic idea of how fast the machine actually is during working conditions. Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of. Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good-for- nothing bum! Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over 12 hours ago." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. Removing Tar From Your Car Butter, creamy peanut butter, or vegetable oil applied to tar and left for 12 to 24 hours should soften to make it easier to remove. If that doesn't work, try WD-40, kerosene, or mineral spirits applied directly to the tar. This solution will mostly likely remove wax from your car as well. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The amazing things this man makes out of old utensils and bits and pieces of other metals. I love the birds! |
___________________________________________________ While Waiting For My Blind Date. Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing. Just then Paul's date walked out. "Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen ? "To tell the truth," he replied, "he seemed a little depressed to me." ___________________________________________________ A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life", the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise from Miami." "Wow!", said the single, "you really have gotten around." "So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of Christ...." And the twenty says, "What's a church?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
At the trial, the steam locomotive engineer insisted that he had given the car driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!" ___________________________________________________ | Today February 21 in 1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was demonstrated in Wales. 1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. 1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA. 1866 Lucy B. Hobbs became the first woman to graduate from a dental school. The school was the Ohio College of Dental Surgery in Cincinnati. 1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page of only fifty names. 1904 The National Ski Association was formed in Ishpeming, MI. 1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory over Germany. 1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera went on sale the following year. 1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal, Kansas. 1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 1968 An agreement between baseball players and club owners increased the minimum salary for major league players to $10,000 a year. 1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the Watergate cover-up. 1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. He announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. Swaggart had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 1999 India's Prime Minister Atal Bihair Vajpayee concluded two days of meeting with Pakistan's Prime Minister Mohammad Nowaz Sharif. 2000 David Letterman returned to his Late Night show about five weeks after having an emergency quintuple heart bypass operation. 2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 2019 Do smiled. |
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