Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, March 17 Happy St Patrick's Day! ______________________________________________________ Today, March 17 in 1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Why do the Irish always fight amongst themselves?" "Everybody else is relatively sober by comparison" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Constantine Xethalis, PORT HURON, Michigan. Man trying to transport meth in Canada busted when navigation takes him to Port Huron bridge A man who was allegedly attempting to transport meth from Montreal to Calgary was busted when his iPhone navigation took him to a border checkpoint - Port Huron's Blue Water Bridge. U.S. Customs and Border Protection inspected a Canadian vehicle at the bridge on Wednesday, driven by Constantine Xethalis. Two others were also in the vehicle, probably to ensure that he did not sell the dope along the way. After they were unable to provide proof of citizenship, the vehicle was searched. Officers found approximately 10 pounds of meth in tablet form. Xethalis told police he has a $2,000 gambling debt. In exchange for waiving the debt, he agreed to transport "something" to Calgary. He said he was also asked to drive two others from Toronto to Calgary. Xethalis made the pickups in Toronto. The group then used navigation to get to Calgary, according to the criminal complaint. The navigation guided them to the Blue Water Bridge. Officers believe there is probably cause Xethalis did knowingly and unlawfully possess with the intent to distribute approximately 4.4 kilos of a mixture or substance containing a detectable amount of meth. He will face charges. Xethalis has been charged with possession with intent to distribute controlled substances and importation of a schedule I controlled substance. From: Wanda Re: Spam Dear DearWebby My spam is up to over two hundred per day. I know you keep telling me to quit whining and get Mailwasher, but I don't have time to learn how to make the filters that you keep talking about. Is there ANY other way to stop spam? Wanda Dear Wanda Yes, there are other ways. Two of them: 1) Rent more senators than the spammers did, and get them to stop protecting spammers and put in some effective laws against spam or 2) Teach some members of the militant wings of the Hells Angels or the Klu-Klux-Klan to become web literate and wait for their reaction to spam. If those alternatives are a bit beyond your budget, conquer your fear of filters and try MailWasher! Once you see how easy it actually is to make filters, you will be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. It is so easy that I doubt you will ever bother to read the instructions. Because I have business addresses that I can not change, and because I have had them the same for dozens of years, I get a LOT of spam and average 1500 pieces of mail per day. 93% of that is spam. I would go totally nuts trying to deal with that by hand. Instead, MailWasher makes me smile every morning when it shows just a few emails but says in the status line something like: ... mails not shown in list. I hit F6, and ... pieces of spam get flushed to hell, unread, and without even having been shown in the list. There is no other computer program that makes me smile as much. Just take that first step, click on the Mailwasher button, and get it. Have Fun! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Paddy is engaged in a major custody battle. His wife doesn't want him, and his mother won't take him back. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"St. Patrick's Day Engagement" An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Recycling Used Paint Thinner You don't need to discard paint thinner that has been used for cleaning paint brushes. Put used paint thinner into a glass or metal container with a tight fitting lid. The paint particles will sink to the bottom leaving you with clear paint thinner towards the top. Just pour off the clear paint thinner and discard the paint particles. Before disposing of any paint, even paint particles, check with your local waste management to find out the correct way to dispose of your paint. Pouring it over obnoxious weeds in the driveway often annoys them, but rarely kills them. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Riding the rails on a bike! |
___________________________________________________ Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Pat Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room." ___________________________________________________ Maureen called the police. "My next door neighbor is exposing himself. Oh my," she continued, "he's just standing there, big as you please, taking a shower with his window shades up!" The squad car arrived immediately to catch the evil culprit in the act. She led the cop into her bedroom and pointed out her window. "See what I mean, officer." The policeman scratched his head and said, "Ma'am, I can only see the top of his head." Maureen replied, "Crazy fool, just put a chair on that dresser over there and stand on that! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at. ___________________________________________________ | Today March 17 in 0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates this day in his honor. 1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment and violent opposition in the North American colonies. 1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the Revolutionary War. 1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 1870 Wellesley College was incorporated by the Massachusetts legislature under its first name, Wellesley Female Seminary. 1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United States. 1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in Mississippi. 1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the Bernheim Gallery. 1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by strikes. 1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2 years later. 1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 1917 America's first bowling tournament for ladies began in St. Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna back into the stone age. 1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and went to India. 1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean off of Spain. 1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in the My Lai massacre case. 1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to achieve desegregation. 1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed by government troops. 1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on acid rain. 1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that brought power outages over large regions of Eastern Canada. 1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give legal equality to blacks. 1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received at the White House. 1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's seventh-largest banking company. 1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 2019 Do smiled. |
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