Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, June 3 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk To Shop At Walmart Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 3 in 1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch, Turkey. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. -- Abraham Lincoln To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget. --- Franklin P. Jones ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends rented a boat and went fishing in a lake. The first day, they caught 30 fish. As they were preparing to go into shore, one man said to the other, "Let's mark this spot so we can come here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy said, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "That was dumb! What if we don't get the same boat today?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Do came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!" ----------- Actually, that is a joke my dad told at the kitchen table about 60 years ago. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tori Castillo, 39, Riverdale, Utah Utah Mom Locked Kids In Car Trunk To Shop At Walmart A Utah mom faces child abuse charges after she allegedly locked her two kids in the trunk of a car and went shopping at Walmart. Tori Castillo was arrested and booked into jail Thursday, according to a police news release obtained by Gephardt Daily. She has been charged with four counts of child abuse involving physical injury and one of retail theft, according to the Weber County Sheriff's Office. Riverdale police arrived at a Walmart Thursday for a report of child neglect, according to the news release. A witness told them that a woman had locked children in a car's trunk. Several people heard noise coming from inside the trunk. The kids, ages two and five, were "moving frantically," "causing the vehicle to shake." Charity Maw heard them pounding against the wall, she told Good4Utah. The little girl's voice, just screaming, 'let me out! I'm scared,' Maw said. I was shocked, I was shaken, and I was mad. Shopper Heidi, who didn't want her last name used, told Fox 13 she told the girl how to open the trunk's emergency latch. The two sweaty children jumped out right away. While they waited for police to get there, the mother came back from the store, Heidi told Fox 13. "The only explanation she had was, 'My babysitter didn't show up.'" Police say the children were released to their father, according to Good4Utah. The state's Department of Child and Family Services is also investigating. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marian Re: Spam complaints from Juno Dear Webby I run a legitimate newsletter but now and then my web host forwards me spam complaints from Juno. They don't take them serious, and they say they just forward them for my amusement, but should I be concerned? How do you deal with situations like that? Marian Dear Marian The cause of those complaints is some JUNO user clicking on their "This is spam" button to put your newsletter on vacation-hold, so that it does not fill up their mailbox while they are away. The "techs" at JUNO's mail department don't check, they blindly malfunction and send out spam complaints. Just send them a letter telling them that they are a bunch of incompetent idiots. You can be as abusive as you want, since the apes there can't read anyway. As long as something comes back, the matter is settled. It seems that their complaints are just a klutzy way of checking if the stuff was sent by a spam machine, or by a human. A spam machine ignores them, a human tells them they are a bunch of %$& @#$%s. Just make sure they don't think you are a spam machine '-) Actually, I have not seen any complaints from there in a while. Maybe they are slowly smartening up? Don't automate your reply to them! That will get you blocked by the Blacklists and your newsletter will really be in trouble! Have FUN! DearWebby Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-o and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!", the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Fingernails After Gardening By ShirleyE [161 Posts, 103 Comments] Even if you wear gardening gloves your hands and fingernails get ingrained with dirt that is hard to remove. So, before you put your gloves on, scratch a dampened bar of soap. Don't worry if the soap falls out of your nails as you do your gardening, there will still be enough soapiness under them to make this work. When you clean your hands later, simply add a little more soap to your nailbrush and the dirt will easily wash away. Most soils are alkaline so just as an extra measure to counteract this and to help prevent your skin and nails becoming dry course and brittle, add a little vinegar, lemon juice or other acidic foodstuff to a bowl of water for a final rinse. | | when you try to pour water over Hoover Dam |
____________________________________________________ While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, (and has done so for a few Million years), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." ___________________________________________________ | | I'll bet this smells divine. |
Thanks to Martin for this one: During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub." 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." The answer: "Noooooo," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug". | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Alternative Names For Cubicles Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat Slack-In-The-Box Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club Peon Palazzo Yuppie Terrarium The SnackFood Triangle English Majors Entry Point Luxury Manhattan Apartment. Picasso's Folly Porn Downloading Headquarters Fortress of Servitude Fartorium Keyboard test lab Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2017 ____________________________________________________ | Today, on June 3 1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch, Turkey. 1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New Netherlands (now known as New York). 1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775, the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental Army for purposes of common defense and this event is considered to be the birth of the United States Army. 1800 John Adams moved to Washington, DC. He was the first President to live in what later became the capital of the United States. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to wear uniforms. 1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw machine. 1888 "Casey at the Bat" the poem by Ernest Lawrence Thayer was first published. 1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 1932 Lou Gehrig set a major league baseball record when he hit four consecutive home runs. 1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art" (modern art). 1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 2017 Do smiled. |
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