Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, January 6 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Facebook Friend Requester Goes To Jail ___________________________________________________ Today, January 6 in 1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 77,000 Allied casualties. _____________________________________________________ Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) _____________________________________________________ The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again and he screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down and an even larger chunk of plaster fell, this time hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Things My Mother Taught Me My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD... "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!" My Mother taught me ESP... "Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?" My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE... "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!" My Mother taught me HUMOR... "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me." My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT... "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up. My mother taught me about GENETICS... "You are just like your father!" My mother taught me about my ROOTS... "Do you think you were born in a barn?" My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE... "When you get to be my age, you will understand." My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION... "Just wait until your father gets home." and my all time favorite thing - JUSTICE "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU..then you'll see what it's like." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Caleb Burczyk, 29, Williston, North Dakota, USA Facebook Friend Requester Goes To Jail A North Dakota man threatened to kill a former co-worker and then kicked in the victims front door after he failed to accept a Facebook friend request, according to court records. Police allege that Caleb Burczyk, 29, sent a series of threatening texts and Facebook messages to Robert Allen Thomas, a 39-year-old resident of Williston, a city about 80 miles south of the Canadian border. Burczyk, seen above, formerly worked with Thomas (and Thomass brother-in-law) for a company that maintains oil and gas wells. But after Thomas and his relative left to work for another firm, Burczyk was laid off and has remained unemployed. As detailed in a probable cause affidavit, Burczyk last week began sending aggressive Facebook messages to Thomas, one of which warned, Accept my friend request or Im going to murder you. In a December 26 message to Thomas, Burczyk wrote that he would come at Thomas if he failed to accept his friend request. Burczyk, investigators charge, subsequently traveled to Thomass home--where several other family members live--and kicked in the front door before entering the residence. The affidavit does not indicate what Burczyk did once inside the property. Burczyk was subsequently collared after Thomass father called 911 to report a burglary in progress. The break-in, cops say, was recorded by a home security system. Charged with burglary and terrorizing, Burczyk was booked into the Williams County jail on the felony charges. He was released yesterday after posting $50,000 bond. Burczyk today pleaded not guilty to the two charges. He is scheduled for an April 20 pretrial conference in District Court. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this joke: Friendship between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it, but two of them invited him to come on over and check for himself. Friendship between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there. ____________________________________________ Thanks to J.Falk for this story: "Dear Lord", the pastor began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you we are but dust. . " He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is 'butt dust' ?" ____________________________________________ Mary was married to Charlie, a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. "That," he declared, "is woman's work!" One evening, Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charlie had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charlie was too tired." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today Jan 6 in 0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ashdown. 1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. 1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble published its findings. 1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for the first time. 1896 The first American womens six-day bicycle race was held at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were dying from starvation. 1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the unarmed German passenger steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York City, NY. 1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that made history with the feat. 1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 77,000 Allied casualties. 1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United States. 1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the Mekong River delta. 1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and boys. 1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999. 2004 In the United Arab Emirates, construction began on the Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Upon completion it was the world's largest building. 2021 Do smiled. |
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