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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, September 3 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 3, in 1954, "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Barricade situation escalates into officer-involved shooting in Mesa; suspect arrested ____________________________________________________ Adventure is just bad planning. --- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ____________________________________________________ A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? ____________________________________________________ One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!" __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Abdul Basit Ishan, 21, Mesa, Arizona, USA Barricade situation escalates into officer-involved shooting in Mesa; suspect arrested Police say a suspect has been arrested following a barricade situation that escalated into an officer-involved shooting in Mesa. Police say a suspect has been arrested following a barricade situation that escalated into an officer-involved shooting in Mesa. According to police, officers responded to reports of a burglary in progress during the late-night hours of Aug. 21 near Country Club Drive and Rio Salado Parkway around 11:30 p.m. A woman said she came home and found her front door kicked in, and when officers were setting up a perimeter, 21-year-old Abdul Basit Ishan ran outside, jumped a wall, and hid inside a storage shed. Ishan allegedly fired four shots at officers, who then called in a SWAT team. A drone and a robot were eventually called to the scene which lasted for a few hours. "When officers attempted to approach the shed, several rounds were fired from the shed in their direction. Officers backed up and the Chandler SWAT Team arrived to assist. After several hours of trying to get the suspect to come out, a robot and drone were deployed. The suspect fired additional shots at both devices. Less lethal measures were deployed and when the suspect began to exit the shed, the officer involved shooting occurred," police said. After the shooting, officers took Ishan into custody. On site, life-saving measures were administered and Ishan was transported to the hospital in critical condition. No officers were hurt. Ishan has since been released from the hospital and booked into jail. He is accused of multiple charges, including aggravated assault, burglary, and criminal damage. _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ To: The Social Security Commissioner Dear Commissioner, My name is Charles Wright and I live on First Street. I would like to present before you the following story: 'Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18- year-old daughter. After the wedding, my father came to visit a number of times, and suddenly he fell in love with my step-daughter. My father eventually married her without my authorization. As a result, my step-daughter legally became my step-mother and my father my son-in-law. My father's wife (also my step-daughter) and my step-mother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step-daughter's wife. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father. All at once, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father's wife. Therefore, it appears that I am also my wife's grandchild. A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father's brother-in-law, the step-son of my father's wife, and my uncle. My son is also my step-mother's brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather. In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following: Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law, and my step-mother's brother fulfill the requirements for receiving childcare benefits? Sincerely yours, Charles Wright _____________________________________________________ Some time ago, in a little village, there was a yearly tradition. The people of the village, who were usually very polite and God-fearing, would, for one day, participate in a competition of curses. So once a year, everyone gathered in the village square and watch their fellow villagers go one by one on the little dais and try to come up with the most foul and creative curses in as flowing and natural a manner as possible. This year wasn't going so well, unfortunately. While some people were pretty creative, no one really impressed the village with their profanity. They've heard variations of it all before. It was late in the afternoon, and all the promising talents have already gone up. It came time for lesser talents, and Peter was known to have some good curses on occasion, so he was called up. They called his name several times, but he wasn't answering. Eventually, after a few minutes, they heard the door to the outhouse slam and Peter ran up the stage, and as he arrived he had already begun a flow of such profanity, such nasty cursing, that everyone took a step back. He was jumping up and down and saying such things that even ruddy, experienced old men blanched at this incredible tirade of pure verbal pollution. Eventually the flow of curses ebbed. The village people all stared at him, amazed into silence. "Alright," said Peter brightly, "got that darn zipper up, now for the cursing!" _____________________________________________________ Jared Lloyd ___________________________________________________ A resolution was recently proposed in the UN to form a new union between the Turks and Kurds. This would create a new nation along the Iraq border to be called the Turds. France vetoed the measure citing historical rights to the name. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Leonard RE: Smart filters Dear Webby, I understand how I can filter, for example, mail with "Biden" or "Trump" in the subject line. However, my Gramma's name is Mathilda Biden. I don't want her mail sent to hell. Leonard Dear Leonard In MailWasher, when you create a filter, it lets you select the RULES. For example CONTAINS, and there you use BIDEN. Then click on MORE RULES and in that select DOES NOT CONTAIN and for the criteria fill in MATHILDA or whatever she uses for her signature. Once you have made a filter or two, you will see that that is a strategy game, that you always win. You start to wish more spam arrives, so that you can trap it and send it to hell. For the action, you can select to just mark it for deleting, but list it, and if it works right, then after a few days change that to AUTOMATIC. Straight to hell, without even listing it. HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ Laura and Ron had a huge argument and ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, Ron asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," Laura said, "So now you're speaking to me." Ron looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" Laura challenged. "No," Ron said, "I just thought we were getting along." _____________________________________________________ Anni got hired as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so she can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, Anni asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?" "No," the woman nervously replied. "What?" _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 3, in 1189, England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster. 1783, The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris. 1833, The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day. 1838, Frederick Douglass boarded a train in Maryland on his way to freedom from being a slave. 1935, Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah. 1939, British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared war on Germany. Germany had invaded half of Poland on September 1, Russia had invaded the other half of Poland, but that was OK by England. 1943, Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II. 1951, "Search for Tomorrow" debuted on CBS-TV. 1954, "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years. 1966, The television series "The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet" ended after 14 years. 1967, The TV game show "What's My Line?" broadcast its final episode. The show aired over 17 years on CBS. 1967, Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam under a new constitution. 1967, In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of the road and began driving on the right side. 1976, The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's surface. 1981, David Brinkley left NBC News after 38 years to join with ABC. 1981, Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government. 1989, The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug lords. 1994, Russia and China announced that they would no longer be targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other. 1999, Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy the team he had once played for. 2013, Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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