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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, September 30 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Nancy! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, september 30, in 1992, Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russians into capitalists. ____________________________________________________ international bonehead award incel charged with pepper-spraying women ____________________________________________________ Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. --- Socratex The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums. --- Peter De Vries ___________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband, RIGHT F**** NOW!!!" ____________________________________________________ A HISTORY OF THANKSGIVING 1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie. 1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner. 1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time. 1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them. 1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War. 1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3." 1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861. 1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first. 1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River. 1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River. 1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur. 1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around. 1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed. 1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency. 2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. George W. signs this law into Congress, during a patriotic speech he defends this decision claiming "the evil doers are just looking for any opportunity to show up at your dinner table." This Thanksgiving take a real good look at your relatives...and report any suspicious behavior to the CIA, FBI or your local police...who cares if it's grandma...it's your duty as an American. __________________________________________________ reported by Rock an international bonehead award has been earned by Johnny Deven Young, Anaheim, California, USA incel charged with pepper-spraying women in Southern California hate attacks A self-proclaimed incel who filmed himself harassing and pepper-spraying women in Southern California, then shared the videos on his YouTube channel, has been arrested, prosecutors said Tuesday. Police say that 25-year-old Johnny Deven Young, of Anaheim, Calif., was wanted on a warrant for multiple felony assaults and hate crime enhancements in connection with a series of violent attacks targeting unsuspecting women in Orange County. He was arrested in San Mateo County and then transported back to Orange County, where he appeared in court on Monday. The attacks took place between November 2021 and April 2022 outside bars in Costa Mesa, investigators said. Young is a self-proclaimed incel or involuntary celibate a member of an online community of men who exhibit their sexual frustrations by voicing their misogynistic views against women, according to authorities. He was identified by Costa Mesa police as a suspect in two attacks involving four women and a man who tried to stop one of the assaults. In one incident, which took place at a Costa Mesa bar in the early hours of Nov. 21, police say that Young began verbally harassing a 29-year-old woman, using explicit language, saying he wanted to see her genitals, and asked to have sexual relations with her, according to a news release. Young, who has a prior misdemeanor hate crime conviction in Nevada, was charged with four felony counts of assault with great bodily injury, four felony counts of illegal use of tear gas, four felony enhancements for the personal use of a deadly weapon, and eight felony hate crime enhancements. He was also charged with five misdemeanor counts of violation of civil rights, according to the Orange County District Attorneys Office. His bail was set at $500,000 and he will be arraigned on Oct. 10. He faces a maximum sentence of 13 years in state prison if convicted on all counts. _____________________________________________________ "Johnny," said his teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?" "A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny. "Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher. "No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it." _____________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large". Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows". The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"? The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"? _____________________________________________________ Tanya Wierenga 28/9/2022, Red Deer, AB Pretty Blue Jay doing some floofing ___________________________________________________ Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair." Friend: "But your husband is still alive." Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone." _________________________________________________ Dearwebby's tech support pits From: Leonard RE: Smart filters Dear Webby, I understand how I can filter, for example, mail with "Biden" or "Trump" in the subject line. However, my Gramma's name is Mathilda Biden. I don't want her mail sent to hell. Leonard Dear Leonard In MailWasher, when you create a filter, it lets you select the RULES. For example CONTAINS, and there you use BIDEN. Then click on MORE RULES and in that select DOES NOT CONTAIN and for the criteria fill in MATHILDA or whatever she uses for her signature. Once you have made a filter or two, you will see that that is a strategy game, that you always win. You start to wish more spam arrives, so that you can trap it and send it to hell. For the action, you can select to just mark it for deleting, but list it, and if it works right, then after a few days change that to AUTOMATIC. Straight to hell, without even listing it. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION "Places I'd Rather Not Live In..." Paradox, New York Crapo, Maryland Boogertown, North Carolina Spasticville, Kansas Hellhole, Idaho Purgatory, Maine What would Freud say about... Climax, Michigan Spread Eagle, Wisconsin Needmore, Arkansas (Clinton's Home Town?) Hardup, Utah Big Bogue Homo, Mississippi Intercourse, Pennsylvania Hornytown, North Carolina Conception Junction, Missouri Dildo, Newfoundland It doesn't surprise me that there is a... Rudeville, New Jersey Boring, Oregon Hell, Michigan Hooker, California Virgin, Utah Dulls Corner, Maryland Bowlegs, Oklahoma Volcano, Hawaii Beersville, Pennsylvania Fleatown, Ohio Burnt Corn, Alabama Two Guns, Arizona Toad Suck, Arkansas _____________________________________________________ Jackie and her husband were foster parents years ago. At one point they had a 4-year-old girl they were quite attached to. Jackie thought she had done a good job in teaching her manners, good behavior, etc. So when the 4-year-old said to her one day, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you!" Jackie's heart swelled with pride... until the 4-year-old finished her sentence... "so that I can reach the @#$% light switch by myself!" _____________________________________________ ophelia dingbatter's news no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ today, september 30, in 1399, Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 1777, The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to advancing British forces. 1787, The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 1846, Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction after administering ether to a patient. 1868, Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 1882, In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power plant began operating. 1927, George Herman "Babe" Ruth hit his 60th homerun of the season. He broke his own record with the homerun. The record stood until 1961 when Roger Maris broke the record. 1930, "Death Valley Days" was heard for the first time on the NBC Blue radio network. 1935, "Porgy and Bess" premiered in Boston. 1938, The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis. 1946, An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 1949, The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet blockade. 1954, The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954. 1962, James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 1963, The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 1966, Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 1971, The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war. 1971, A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September 13, 1971. 1976, California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S. 1980, Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the pound. 1983, The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 1982, "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV. 1986, The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 1987, Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake-up at the Kremlin. 1989, Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 1989, Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing government forces. 1990, The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic relations. 1991, Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras. Aristide was later returned to power. 1992, Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russians into capitalists. 1993, U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell retired. 1994, The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission. Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote areas of the Earth. 1997, France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews by the pro-Nazi Vichy regime. 1998, Gov. Pete Wilson of California signed a bill into law that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging in a personal or family activity." The law went into effect January 1, 1999. 1999, In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain reaction. 2014, Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers. The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air service. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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