Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, April 7 Thank you, Joseph! ______________________________________________________ Today, April 7 in 1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Previously deported illegal immigrant arrested, accused of more than 100 child sex crimes ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. --- Hansell B. Duckett _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jai for this story: Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic.' ______________________________________________________` Belgian Bridge _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miguel Martinez, 44, in Sanctuary, California Previously deported illegal immigrant arrested, accused of more than 100 child sex crimes An undocumented immigrant accused of more than 100 child-related sex offenses has been arrested, according to Louisiana officials. KLFY reported that Miguel Martinez, 44, was arrested on 100 counts of possession of pornography involving juveniles under the age of 13, one count of production under 13, and one count of sexual battery of a juvenile under 13. Martinez, deported once before, in 2005, is a registered sex offender in California. From: Frank Re: Small fonts on MSN Dear DearWebby Another question for you... I've recently upgraded my monitor to a 22 inch Acer LCD monitor. MSN.com is my home page for the internet and I've set the font size to large on the home page (view, text size, large) but it still appears small on the MSN home page. Other pages ie google are fine. Is there something else that I should be doing? Thanks for the help and I keep voting on your site daily. Frank Dear Frank I had a look at their site and it does indeed look like it was written for people with little girl's eyesight, and zooms only from tiny to medium. It probably looks OK on the old 800 x 600 Mac that they use to write the page, but at today's resolution on current Windows machines, their font size limit is too low. CTRL + Scroll wheel lets you zoom to a readable font size. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child. "Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.' "But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?" One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook and iron?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Good Advice From Kids "Never trust a dog to watch your food." -Patrick, age 10 "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' Don't answer." -Hannah, age 9 Never tell your Mom her diet's not working." -Michael, age 14 "Stay away from prunes." -Randy, age 9 "Don't pull Dad's finger when he tells you to." -Emily, age 10 "When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair." -Taylia, age 11 "Never let your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment." -Traci, age 14 "A puppy always has bad breath--even after eating a Tic-Tac." - Andrew, age 9 ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Opening Clams Use a flat knife made for opening clams. Use a thick towel, glove or pot holder to protect the hand that is holding the clam. Hold the flat knife in your other hand, pull the shell opening towards knife until it penetrates between the shells, then stop. Simply rotate the knife to pry open the shell. Fresh clams open easier when they are cold. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The northern Arizona desert is blooming! |
___________________________________________________ Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time. "Nonsense," I said. "Men are good for only one thing!" "Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?" ___________________________________________________ A wholesaler in New York sent a letter to the postmaster of a small Midwestern town. He asked for the name of an honest lawyer who would take a collection case against a local debtor who had refused to pay for a shipment of the whole- saler's goods. He got this reply: Dear Sir: I am the postmaster of this village and received your letter. I am also an honest lawyer and ordinarily would be pleased to accept a case against a local debtor. In this case, however, I also happen to be the person you sold those crummy goods to. I received your demand to pay and refused to honor it. I am also the banker you sent the draft to draw on the merchant, and I sent that back with a note stating that the merchant had refused to pay. If I were not, for the time being, substituting for the pastor of our local church, I would tell you just what I thought of your claim. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
An elderly man constantly called his doctor at all hours of the day and night and would then keep him on the phone with a litany of imagined ailments. Finally the doctor could take it no longer. "Listen, Mr. Jones, if you wake me up again in the middle of the night with another one of your tales about some made-up ailment, I am going to insist you see another physician. Have I made myself clear?" A week later, the unfortunate man slipped and fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his hip, two ribs, en elbow, and suffering a concussion. He was rushed to the hospital and put in intensive care. An hour later, his doctor walked in, saw his condition, and exclaimed "I think you're finally getting the hang of it!" ___________________________________________________ | Today April 7 in 1712 A slave revolt broke out in New York City. 1798 The territory of Mississippi was organized. 1862 Union General Ulysses S. Grant defeated Confederates at the Battle of Shiloh, TN. 1864 The first camel race in America was held in Sacramento, California. 1922 U.S. Secretary of Interior leased Teapot Dome naval oil reserves in Wyoming. 1927 The first long-distance TV transmission was sent from Washington, DC, to New York City. The audience saw an image of Commerce Secretary Herbert Hoover. 1930 The first steel columns were set for the Empire State Building. 1933 Prohibition ended in the United States. 1943 British and American armies linked up between Wadi Akarit and El Guettar in North Africa to form a solid line against the German army. 1945 The Japanese battleship Yamato, the world's largest battleship, was sunk during the battle for Okinawa. The Japanese fleet was headed for a suicide mission. 1953 The Big Four met for the first time in 2 years to seek an end to their air conflicts. 1953 IBM unveiled the IBM 701 Electronic Data Processing Machine. It was IBM's first commercially available scientific computer. 1963 Yugoslavia proclaimed itself a Socialist republic. 1963 Josip Broz Tito was proclaimed to be the leader of Yugoslavia for life. 1966 The U.S. recovered a hydrogen bomb it had lost off the coast of Spain. 1967 Israel reported that they had shot down six Syrian MIGs. 1969 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously struck down laws prohibiting private possession of obscene material. 1970 John Wayne won his first and only Oscar for his role in "True Grit." He had been in over 200 films. 1971 U.S. President Nixon pledged to withdraw 100,000 more men from Vietnam by December. 1980 The U.S. broke diplomatic relations with Iran and imposed economic sanctions in response to the taking of hostages on November 4, 1979. 1983 Specialists Story Musgrave and Don Peterson made the first Space Shuttle spacewalk. 1983 The Chinese government canceled all remaining sports and cultural exchanges with the U.S. for 1983. 1985 In Goteborg, Sweden, China swept all of the world table tennis titles except for men's doubles. 1985 In Sudan, Gen. Swar el-Dahab took over the Presidency while President Gaafar el-Nimeiry was visiting the U.S. and Egypt. 1985 The Soviet Union announced a unilateral freeze on medium- range nuclear missiles. 1988 Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to final terms of a Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan. Soviet troops began leaving on May 16, 1988. 1988 In Fort Smith, AR, 13 white supremacists were acquitted on charges for plotting to overthrow the U.S. federal government. 1989 A Soviet submarine carrying nuclear weapons sank in the Norwegian Sea. 1990 In the U.S., John Poindexter was found guilty of five counts at his Iran-Contra trial. The convictions were later reversed on appeal. 1994 Civil war erupted in Rwanda between the Patriotic Front rebel group and government soldiers. Hundreds of thousands were slaughtered in the months that followed. 1998 Mary Bono, the widow of Sonny Bono, won a special election to serve out the remainder of her husband's congressional term. 1999 Yugoslav authorities sealed off Kosovo's main border crossings to prevent ethnic Albanians from leaving. 2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to Work Act of 2000. The bill reversed a Depression-era law and allows senior citizens to earn money without losing Social Security retirement benefits. 2002 The Roman Catholic archdiocese announced that six priests from the Archdiocese of New York were suspended over allegations of sexual misconduct. 2006 The Boeing X-37 conducted its first flight as a test drop at Edwards Air Force Base, CA. 2009 Former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori was sentenced to 25 years in prison for ordering killings and kidnappings by security forces. 2019 Do smiled. |
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