Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 3 Just to prove the liberal tax grabbers wrong, Mother Nature kindly provided California and Colorado with over 200% of long time average snow pack for winter and spring. That should teach them what happens, when they deprive nature of the necessary CO2 ! The same happened in Canada. The Socialist East got way above average snow pack. Here is some eye candy _____________________________________________________ Today, June 3 in 1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw making machine. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: IOWA Couple Nabbed For Naked Bike Trail Sex ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) "Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body." --- Seneca _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ It was Little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Johnny was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Johnny's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Johnny absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!" ______________________________________________________` Cute Little Scooter _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebekah Mecca, 31, Daniel Walshire, 32, North Liberty, Iowa IOWA Couple Nabbed For Naked Bike Trail Sex An Iowa couple left their young children home alone early today while they were having sex in the middle of a bike trail, according to police. Rebekah Mecca, 31, and Daniel Walshire, 32, were arrested around 1 AM when a patrolman discovered them lying on the ground in a park in North Liberty, an Iowa City suburb. Specificially, an arrest affidavit notes, Walshire's pants were at his ankles while Mecca was on top of him, completely nude. The duo were both intoxicated, cops says. The pair told police that they had left their children alone at Mecca's North Liberty home. Walshire's son is three, while Mecca's daughter is nine, a patrolman reported. Both these children can not clearly fend for themselves, Officer Alec Fjelstul noted. Seen above, Mecca and Walshire were arrested for child endangerment, an aggravated misdemeanor, and public intoxication. Walshire, whose blood alcohol content was more than two times the legal limit, reportedly told cops that he had consumed several glasses of boxed wine. The couple is locked up in the Johnson County jail in advance of a court appearance today. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Slow startup DearWebby, My computer boots up slowly. I have run crap cleaner, defraged, ran my McAfee to be sure everything was clean... I only very few icons on the right bottom of my screen. I think these are at start up... (email icon; on-line icon; volume icon). Do I need to upgrade something? You've helped me so many times before, I just don't get why the computer has slowed down at start up. Carol Dear Carol You can use the tools in Crap Cleaner or in Spybot-Search&Destroy to weed out the programs calld by Windows Start-up. Click on Start then Run. In the Open box, type msconfig.exe and hit Enter. Once displayed, click on the "Startup" tab. You will see a list of items in the StartUp. Take the checkmarks off any that look suspicious or frivolous. The programs will still work, they just won't be pre-loaded during start-up. There is also a top secret power tool. https://www.shouldiremoveit.com/index.aspx The eason it is TOP secret is because when people use it, they see that they don't need a new computer. That is bad for the industry. All you need is that program and a hand ful of Smarties. It goes through all of your programs and tells you whether they are necessary, or whether some con artist persuaded you to install crap. It even helps you to UNinstall crap. After that your computer will start up as fas as when it was new, and run as fast as it did when new. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. "I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale," Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store. "You got that right ... I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was marked down." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean For a clean tube, try squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | History tells us women wear high heels because we are idiots. I don't agree with history, what say you ladies out there? |
___________________________________________________ A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!" ___________________________________________________ A man drove his secretary home from a late afternoon get-together of coworkers because she was drunk and unable to drive. Since nothing happened along the way between the two, the man decided not to mention the secretary to his wife. Later that evening while the man was taking the wife to a movie, he noticed a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat. So, he asked her to watch out her window for a parking spot close to the theater. While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. When they arrived at the theater and were about ready to get out of the car, his wife asked, "Sweetie, have you seen my other shoe? ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks too Sandie for this: Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters four feet tall: YELD. Close, but not close enough. The next week, I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now, it read: YEILD. About two months later, they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word STOP. ___________________________________________________ | Today June 3 in 1098 Christian Crusaders of the First Crusade seized Antioch, Turkey. 1539 Hernando De Soto claimed Florida for Spain. 1621 The Dutch West India Company received a charter for New Netherlands (now known as New York). 1784 The U.S. Congress formally created the United States Army to replace the disbanded Continental Army. On June 14, 1775, the Second Continental Congress had created the Continental Army for purposes of common defense and this event is considered to be the birth of the United States Army. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tripoli was completed in the captain's cabin on board the USS Constitution. 1851 The New York Knickerbockers became the first baseball team to wear uniforms. 1856 Cullen Whipple patented the screw making machine. 1918 The Finnish Parliament ratified its treaty with Germany. 1923 In Italy, Benito Mussolini granted women the right to vote. 1937 The Duke of Windsor, who had abdicated the British throne, married Wallis Warfield Simpson. 1938 The German Reich voted to confiscate so-called "degenerate art." 1952 A rebellion by North Korean prisoners in the Koje prison camp in South Korea was put down by American troops. 1959 The first class graduated from the Air Force Academy in Denver, CO. 1965 Edward White became the first American astronaut to do a "space walk" when he left the Gemini 4 capsule. 1970 Har Gobind Khorana and colleagues announced the first synthesis of a gene from chemical components. 1989 Chinese army troops positioned themselves to begin a sweep of Beijing to crush student-led pro-democracy demonstrations in Tiananmen Square. 1999 Slobodan Milosevic's government accepted an international peace plan concerning Kosovo. NATO announced that airstrikes would continue until 40,000 Serb forces were withdrawn from Kosovo. 2003 Toys "R" Us, Inc. announced that it had signed a multi-year agreement with Albertson to become the exclusive toy provider for all of all of Albertson's food and drug stores. 2019 Do smiled. |
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