Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, December 12 If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Mall Santa Exposed Himself To Co-Worker ____________________________________ Today, December 12 in 1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. _____________________________________________________ I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) _____________________________________________________ Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop. ____________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Prince Carter, 45, USA Mall Santa Exposed Himself To Co-Worker A mall Santa is facing felony charges after allegedly exposing himself to a teenage co-worker, police allege. According to cops, Prince Carter, 45, was on a break from his Santa duties Monday evening at the Connecticut Post Mall when he hugged and grabbed the female victim in a break room, where Carter also allegedly exposed himself to the juvenile. Responding to a 911 call about a possible sexual assault, Milford Police Department officers subsequently arrested Carter on risk of injury to a minor and sexual assault charges. Pictured above, Carter was booked into the county jail, from which he was later freed on $25,000 bond. Carter has been barred from returning to the mall, which is Connecticuts largest. Carter lives about 13 miles from the mall in Bridgeport, a city about 20 miles from New Haven. In late-November, the Connecticut Post Mall unveiled its Elf on the Shelf: Santas Magical Photo Adventure set, which is keeping you safe and delightfully distanced with a contactless Santa visit, according to the malls web site. Children will still be able to talk with Santa from a safe distance to share their wish lists, or place a letter in Santas mailbox for him to read later. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Dana Re: Slide show screen saver in W10 Dear Webby, Yes, I am handicapped with W10, and will never forgive the fat !@#$%& for putting it on MY machine. How do I enable a slide show screen saver, like I had for years on my W7? Thanks Dana Dear Dana Go to All Settings by clicking the Notification Center. Personalization. Background. Choose Slideshow from the background drop menu. Choose Browse. Navigate to your Slideshow folder that you created earlier to specify the directory. Set time interval. Choose a fit. Double-check the folder with the slide show files that they do not contain any pictures, that are not suitable for showing while you are away. Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ An Old Ukrainian woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Toronto City Building, when two young and beautiful women get into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume. The little old Ukrainian Baba says, "my, what lovely aromas"! One turns to the old Ukrainian woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Loren, $150 an ounce!" The other young and beautiful woman also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" The little Ukrainian woman is feeling very insulted from the remarks made to her. About 3 floors later, the old Ukrainian Baba has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says... "Cabbage. 49 cents a pound." ____________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child." ____________________________________________ Sam had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. "I've never had an old ball," Sam said. _______________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 12 in 1787 Pennsylvania became the second state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First Bank, opened for business in Philadelphia, PA. 1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one of his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. 1800 Washington, DC, was established as the capital of the United States. 1870 Joseph H. Rainey of South Carolina became the first black lawmaker to be sworn into the U.S. House of Representatives. 1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 1897 The comic strip "The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz), by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the first time. 1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel Corporation. 1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo Marconi. 1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1, made its first flight. 1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to girls. 1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in San Luis Obispo, CA. 1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and paid $2.2 million in reparations. 1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block tract of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's headquarters. The land was offered as a gift by John D. Rockefeller Jr. 1947 The United Mine Workers union withdrew from the American Federation of Labor. 1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship to bear the name Nautilus. 1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave $500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical schools. 1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the first hovercraft. 1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous September. 1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in Britain in protest against proposed site of U.S. Cruise missiles there. 1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S. embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went off in different locations. 1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan, William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following day. 1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland after takeoff. 1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong and returned them to their homeland. 1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to four years in prison for tax evasion. 1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in California, the first web server outside of Europe was installed. 1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had forced him to resign in 1992. 1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other forms of desecration against the American flag. 1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home after almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian Serbs. 1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of killing two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. 1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access programs. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next day. 2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers, abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of the April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured 500. 2001 The U.S. House of Representatives passed legislation that would implement minimum federal election standards and provide funding to help states modernize their voting systems. 2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for being the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was based on his role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases and in the deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were shot down five years before. 2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested at Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing pharmaceutical drugs without a prescription. The numerous items of clothing and hair accessories were valued at $4,760. 2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to develop weapons. 2020 Do smiled. |
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