Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 12 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Virginia woman poured rubbing alcohol into family member's eyes while he slept ___________________________________________________ Today, August 12 in 1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. ____________________________________________________ A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ____________________________________________________ Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. 'What in bag?' asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.' The woman was silent for another moment or two. Then, speaking with quiet wisdom, she said, 'Good trade.' ____________________________________________________ Thushan Dharana Herath Trillium Lake , Oregon, United States ____________________________________________________ Teacher to a third grade student: "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" Billy: "It depends." Teacher: "It depends on what?" Billy: "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Patricia Armida Lozano, 33, TRIANGLE, Virginia, USA Virginia woman poured rubbing alcohol into family member's eyes while he slept A Virginia woman is facing felony charges after she allegedly poured rubbing alcohol onto the face and into the eyes of a family member early Tuesday morning. Prince William County police responded to the home in the 18100 block of Kilmer Lane in Triangle around 4:07 a.m. They say that Patricia Armida Lozano, 33, snuck up on the 48- year-old victim while he slept and dumped the isopropyl alcohol on his face without provocation. When the victim screamed, a family member ran into the room. Police say they could see injuries to the mans eyes, and he was taken to a local hospital. Police charged Lozano with assault and battery with a caustic substance and domestic assault and battery. DearWebby's tech support pits From: Andie Re: Size of picture for email Dear Webby You told us once before how big a picture in email should be. I did not have a cameera then, so I was not paying attention. Now I have a camera, and I realize 4048 is way too big and just results in insults. What IS the proper size? Andie Dear Andie I use 600 pixels wide for the picture of the day, and let you click through to one, that is monitor size. That seems to work out OK and nobody complains. Have FUN! DearWebby A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client. "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news." The art collector replied, "You know, I've had an awful day, Jack, so let's hear the good news first." The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million... and I think she could be right." Saul replied enthusiastically, "Holy cow! Well done! My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn't she? You've just made my day. Now, I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?" "The pictures are of you and your secretary." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A classic: A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man then proceeded to look directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." ____________________________________________ "Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor. ____________________________________________ One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 12, in 1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and the Europeans lasted for two years. 1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed sewing machine. 1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery by Joseph Lister. 1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. 1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first sound recording. 1879 The first National Archery Association tournament took place in Chicago, IL. 1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first published. 1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC, and New York City. 1937 Red Skelton appeared on network radio for the first time on the "Rudy Vallee Show" on NBC. 1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications satellite. 1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, both landed on August 15. 1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo flight test. 1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14 months of negotiations. 1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike in 1981. 1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution to World War II Holocaust victims. 1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000 same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco earlier in the year. 2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia 2021 Do smiled. |
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