Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 16 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 16 in 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Perambulating drug store Florida man caught hiding heroin, crack molly, weed, oxy, etc in his butt _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. --- Norm Papernick Most people are unwilling to sell their souls; but they usually aren't opposed to renting them out for an hour or two. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few... "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck." ______________________________________________________` Not a protected species anymore, but you still can't shoot them, because they are scavengers. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Derick McKay, Flagler, Floriduh Perambulating drug store Florida man caught hiding heroin, crack molly, weed, oxy, etc in his butt A Florida man was arrested after deputies reportedly found him hiding drugs in a very personal place. According to the Flagler County Sheriff's Office, a deputy pulled Derick McKay over for speeding July 11. When he started talking to McKay, he noticed that he seemed nervous and that there was a smell of marijuana. McKay claimed he didn't have anything illegal in his custody, but deputies investigated further. After he was brought to jail for driving on a suspended license, McKay confessed to hiding narcotics in his buttocks, deputies said. He then proceeded to remove more than a dozen small baggies from his behind, including a small baggie of crack, eight small baggies of heroin, two small baggies of Molly, a small baggie of marijuana, 12 Lortab pills and 12 Oxycodone pills. McKay is now facing multiple charges and is currently being held without bond. The sheriff's office said he has a criminal history dating back to 2008. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Simple text processor Dear Webby, Like all of your fans, I vaguely remember you answering this at a time, when I did not need it. Well, NOW I need a simple text editor, that does not take a year to learn, but is good enough for writing complicated reports. What'cha got? Helen Dear Helen! My choice is still NoteTab. As the name suggests, it has tabs, just like your browser. You can have a dozen or more files open, copy / paste between them, and it even has a ClipBoard for frequently used blocks. Plus all kinds of neat stuff, that I have not used yet in the last 20 years. It is easy to use. Just start writing. Standard commands, that you are already familiar with. CTRL S = SAVE CTRN N = NEW and so on. There is good help built in, but you rarely need it, and when you do, it's usually a "DUH!" moment. Yeah, I should have known that. You can drag the tabs around to have what you are working on together, and of course, there is the famous "RE-OPEN" for files you accidentally closed. It has FAVORITES, that automatically open when you start NoteTab. I have used that trick for at least 20 years. They open in the sequence that YOU can arrange, not alphabetically or last used. NoteTab is a TEXT editor, not for graphics. You can do the HTML for pages, that have graphics, and do all the commands for them, but the NoteTab page just shows the call for the pictures, and how you want to place them. If you want to drag pictures around and want to see them, then I would recommend Open Office or Office Libre "WRITE". They are free too, but because they are more or less the same as Microsoft Office, their versatility takes some studying. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?" The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Charlie My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keep Candles from Tilting Before putting candles into a candle holder or candle stick, melt some wax and drip it in the bottom of the holder. Then place the candle into the holder. Once the wax dries it will help prevent the candles from falling out of the holder. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | A Bobcat gives birth on his roof every year and he decided to set a camera up this year. |
___________________________________________________ Esther Cohen was the mother of three, very active small boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers with them in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up for 20 minutes, a neighbor came over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbor bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. This is the only chance I've had to rest all day." ___________________________________________________ Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Why the Military can't communicate with each other. . . If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy. ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 16 in 1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony Point, NY. 1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify the constitution. 1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida Keys. 1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install parking meters. 1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward Germany. 1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, NM. 1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first published. 1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 2011 The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. 2019 Do smiled. |
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