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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 8, in 1945, Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African- American nurse to serve duty in World War II. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Romeoville woman accused of stealing over $135,000 in cash from Walmart store __________________________________________________ Q Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. --- Henry Kissinger (1923 - ) To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers ________________________________________________ "My doll! Johnny broke it!" she wailed. "How did he break it, Suzie?" "I hit him over the head with it." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Judge: "Looking over your file, I see there was an earlier complaint against you back in October, 1995. Seems your ex-wife claimed you stole her heart, her money and the best years of her life." Accused: "I never stole nothing, Your Honor. She never had a heart to begin with; if I had stolen her money, why am I so poor now? And when I met her, she was already 73, so the best years of her life had already passed." Judge: "Very well. Let's deal with today's complaint. You've been accused of stealing an 18-year-old's virginity in the back of your pickup truck." Accused: "Ain't true, Your Honor. The police arrived 5 minutes after her and I were in the back of my pickup. I didn't have time to hide anything even if I had stolen it. Furthermore, they checked my truck inside and out and never found a thing." Judge: "Let me get this straight. You admit you were with the girl at around 8 PM Saturday, February 30th?" Accused: "Gosh no, Your Honor. There is no February 30th." Judge: "What'd ya do, steal that too?" ________________________________________________ Warning Baiting Deer is Illegal. This Corn Pile is Intended for Squirrels, Chipmunks, and Other Such Animals. Any Deer found stealing this Corn Will be Shot! __________________________________________________ Where is din-din? _________________________________________________ My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ________________________________________________ Here are some pranks to play on spammers: If they have a 1-800 number on their spam, write a nice big letter telling them that you do not like being spammed. Then set your fax program to hide your number and name, just like they do with their spam, and fax the letter to them. You don't really have to stop after the third time of putting a nice cheery fax howl onto their answering machine. Most fax software allows you to queue up all kinds of repeats. ____________________________________________________ Am I adopted? ___________________________________________________ If the spammer leaves a regular phone number, find some old and useless keys from previous cars or whatever, put the spammer's phone number on a key tab, and don't forget to mention a $50 reward. Leave one of those in every airport you go through. ___________________________________________________ While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona truckstop, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and Bea celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and bring her back." __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melissa Vanderwall, 47, Romeoville, Illinois, USA Romeoville woman accused of stealing over $135,000 in cash from Walmart store A Romeoville woman is accused of making off with just over $135,900 in cash from the Walmart store in the 2400 block of West Jefferson Street in Joliet last November. The Joliet Police Department says that 47-year-old Melissa Vanderwall was working as night manager at the store at the time. Police allege that Vanderwall emptied a large amount of cash from the store's cash recyclers, that are used to restock store registers, into a shopping bag and left the store. The incident is said to have been caught on surveillance video. A warrant for Vanderwall's arrest was issued back in November. She turned herself in at the Joliet Police Department Monday morning and was booked into the Will County Jail. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Amy Re: Simple calculator DearWebby I know that there are hundreds of calcultor progs out there. I need a very simple and very basic calculator. I use Chrome. What have you got? Amy Dear Amy You already got a very nice calculator: Chrome just type your numbers into the command line and hit ENTER. 23*76*192 or sin(234/76) If you need a "paper tape" to go back and check for typos, use a spreadsheet. Open Office CALC or an old and free version of Microsoft Excel work fine and are childishly easy to learn. If you have any question, just email me. Have FUN! DearWebby _________________________________________________ Today, March 8 1618, Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 1702, England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King William III. 1782, The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians. 1855, A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. 1862, The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 1880, U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the isthmus of Panama. 1887, The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 1894, A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 1904, The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of priests. 1905, In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading to Georgia. 1907, The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill. 1909, Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in Hungary. 1910, In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a pilot's license. 1910, The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 1911, In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the first time. 1911, British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 1917, Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 1917, The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule. 1921, Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 1921, French troops occupied Dusseldorf after WWI. 1933, Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at Franklin, IN. 1941, Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 1942, During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 1943, Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 1945, Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African- American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 1946, In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 1946, The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 1948, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools was unconstitutional. 1953, A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit farming over the last 2 years. 1954, France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the state of Indochina. 1957, The International Boxing Club was ruled a monopoly putting it in violation of the Sherman Anti-Trust Law. 1959, Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 1961, Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 1965, The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 1966, Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in Vietnam. 1973, Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234 people were injured. 1982, The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison gas. 1985, The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from just five years before. 1986, Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 1988, In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters collided in midair. 1989, In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of protest against Chinese rule. 1999, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 1999, The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security violations. 2001, The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 2005, In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces. 2023, Do smiled.
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