Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, January 15 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 15, in 1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was inaugurated. ___________________________________________________ The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to make a sailor blush. --- Socratex ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Shot fired in Gilbert as authorities tried to arrest man accused of having sex with 12-year-old girl ____________________________________________________ A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4- car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!" ____________________________________________________ Angela Mingione ____________________________________________________ Max dies and leaves Sadie with a total of $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just after Max died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $5,000. And of course, I made a donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? OyVayismere! How big is it?" "Three carats." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew Thompson, 38, Gilbert, Arizona, USA Shot fired in Gilbert as authorities tried to arrest man accused of having sex with 12-year-old girl Officials with the United States Marshals say a man was arrested in Gilbert following a shooting involving a member of its Arizona Wanted Task Force. In a statement, officials say the shooting happened in the area of Guadalupe Road and Arizona Avenue. The suspect, identified as 38-year-old Andrew Thompson, was being investigated by Chandler Police for alleged sexual conduct with a 12-year-old girl. Thompson, according to officials, was tracked to a home in the area where the shooting happened. "While attempting to arrest Thompson, Task Force members struck him multiple times with less-than-lethal munitions. Thompson began reaching into his jacket pocket for a weapon when a single round was fired by a Task Force member," read a portion of the statement. Thompson, according to investigators, was not struck by the round, but a weapon was later found inside his jacket. After the shot was fired, Thompson complied with commands, and was taken into custody. He was medically evaluated before being taken to Maricopa County Jail. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Jen Re: Sharper pictures Dear Webby No ,atter what I try, I can't see to get really sharp pictures. What am I doing wrong and what should I do instead? Jen Dear Jen A camera with a much larger lens would definitely help. If that is not in the budget, get a tripod. If a tripod is not in the budget either, go to the Salvation Army Thrift Store and buy a kid's velvet or leather jacket. Cut off a sleve, fold over the end and glue or sew it shut. Fill it with sand and seal that end too. Now you can toss your sand pillow onto a car roof or even a rock, nestle the camera into the pillow, and take a rock solid picture. For long distance shots use the 30 second delay. Set it off, then don't breathe for 30 seconds. Have FUN! DearWebby Gina was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. Gina told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at Gina very carefully and very slowly and deliberately asked: "Does she like you?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of a child's temper tantrum at the supermarket last 20 times as long as the two hours of her nap time. ______________________________________________ While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Roland for this one: Boudreaux left the bayou and moved to Arkansas and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey died last night." "Sacri-Bleu" said Boudreaux, "den gimme my money back." "I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already." "OK, den. Jus' unload dat donkey." "What are you gonna do with him?" "Hi ham gon-to raffle him off." "You can't raffle a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!" "Well dats where you wrong.! You wait you an' you learn how smart we Cajuns are!" A month later the farmer ran into the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "Hi raffled dat donkey off. Hi sold 1000 tickets at two dollar apiece and made too towsend buck. Dat was enough for a old JonDeere with a bucket, an hi use dat to bury your dead donkey." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Jus dat guy who won. So Hi give him his two dollar back. You got any more dead donkey?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, January 15, in 1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned in Westminster Abbey. 1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that all churches were to be closed. 1777 The people of New Connecticut (now the state of Vermont) declared their independence. 1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved attaching a peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known as basketball. 1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was inaugurated. 1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed in Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens- Illinois Glass Company Laboratory. 1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of corridors. 1945 CBS Radio debuted "House Party". The show was on the air for 22 years. 1953 Harry S Truman became the first U.S. President to use radio and television to give his farewell as he left office. 1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S. offensive action in North Vietnam. He cited progress in peace negotiations as the reason. 1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning of "Top Gun." 2001 Wikipedia was launched. 2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust from comet Wild 2. 2021 Do smiled. |
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