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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, November 27, 1889, Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an automobile through Central Park in New York City. ____________________________________________________ Bonehed Award: Driving Drunk again _____________________________________________________ Q Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) ____________________________________________________ From Linda W It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars please return to class." __________________________________________________ >From Hector One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each, to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself! That's when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure that I should be having sex with her again sometime during Spring 2026. __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock: An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Darron Hazzen, 53, Boca Raton, Florida, USA Driving Drunk again Its Thanksgiving behind bars for Boca Raton resident Darron Hazzen. The 53-year-old was arrested by Boca Raton Police late Wednesday night after he was stopped for DUI in the area of 2499 Glades Road. That is near the intersection of St. Andrews Blvd. Hazzen, who lives in the 18400 block of Tapadero Terrace, allegedly refused to provide a blood or breath sample. He also apparently refused to take part in field sobriety exercises. The arrest report continues to be processed. The citation, however, was processed overnight. Hazzen was driving a Blue 2014 Honda SUV at the time of his arrest. It was not immediately clear what led to the traffic stop. He was not involved in a crash, according to the citation reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com. Records indicate that this is Hazzens fourth or subsequent arrest for DUI. Among his other arrests: he was arrested and later convicted for DUI in Palm Beach County in 2014 after he sped by a police car on Glades Road near 441. Bond for his arrest Wednesday is set at $3,000. The charge after refusing the test is MAX. ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ "Power went out across Italy ... plunging the nation into darkness." A real catastrophe since Italy is the only country in the world whose citizens can't understand one another in the dark. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ _________________________________________________ Do came home from the first day of school last week and said to mommmy, "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will also be coming to my school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest in our family, Dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!" _______________________________________________ A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) ____________________________________________________ >From Hector One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?" So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store. I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each, to which I say OK. And then we go to the Jewelry Dept where she gets a set of diamond earrings. Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself! That's when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ... it went completely blank. I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure that I should be having sex with her again sometime during Spring 2026. ____________________________________________________ "Power went out across Italy ... plunging the nation into darkness." (AP/9/28) A real catastrophe since Italy is the only country in the world whose citizens can't understand one another in the dark. ____________________________________________________ Sensitive soldiers News Item: Norwegian military leaders order drill officers to stop addressing recruits with "strong expressions" and "nasty words" after it became known the feelings of some of the recruits were hurt. ___________________________________________________ Do came home from the first day of school last week and said to mommmy, "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers and sisters who will also be coming to my school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest in your family, Dear. What did she say when you told her that you are the only child?" She just said, "Thank goodness!" __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Evie Re: Sharpen compressed pictures Dear Webby How do I sharpen old JPG pictures, that have been screwed by reducing resolution in the days, when file size was a problem? Yes, now I know that was stooopid. Hit me with a colander full of wet noodles! Evie Dear Evie The Colander is the holy sanctifying device of the Pastafarians. Ok, seriously, you can't really ever recover thrown away pixels. They have gone to hell. There is some sneaky fakery you can try: Increase resolution to the max. Enlarge the picture to double or triple it's size. Yes, that makes it look even worse. Be patient! Increase contrast and adjust brightness to make it look reasonably realistic. Shrink the picture to what you need. Save it at MAX resolution. Threaten anybody in the house with major mayhem if they EVER save anything at less than maximum resolution. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________________ >From Anastasia As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." >From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's." _____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!" ____________________________________________ >From Tina One day I took my 6-year-old son with me to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew me, and I was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, my son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine my shock when I heard my son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?" ___________________________________________________ Doug meets Bill at the bar after his day at divorce court. "Did the judge split everything fairly when he granted your wife a divorce?" asked Bill. Doug replies, "Sort of. She got to keep the house, the car, the boat, the furniture and the dog. I got to keep everything I was wearing." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Evie Re: Sharpen compressed pictures Dear Webby How do I sharpen old JPG pictures, that have been screwed by reducing resolution in the days, when file size was a problem? Yes, now I know that was stooopid. Hit me with a colander full of wet noodles! Evie Dear Evie The Colander is the holy sanctifying device of the Pastafarians. Ok, seriously, you can't really ever recover thrown away pixels. They have gone to hell. There is some sneaky fakery you can try: Increase resolution to the max. Enlarge the picture to double or triple it's size. Yes, that makes it look even worse. Be patient! Increase contrast and adjust brightness to make it look reasonably realistic. Shrink the picture to what you need. Save it at MAX resolution. Threaten anybody in the house with major mayhem if they EVER save anything at less than maximum resolution. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Anastasia As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my son, "We should pray." >From the back seat I heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let those cars block the entrance to McDonald's." _____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News no sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 27, in 1684, Japan's shogun Yoshimune Tokugawa was born. 1701, Anders Celsius was born in Sweden. He was the inventor of the Celsius thermometer. 1779, The College of Pennsylvania became the University of Pennsylvania. It was the first legally recognized university in America. 1839, The American Statistical Association was founded in Boston. 1889, Curtis P. Brady was issued the first permit to drive an automobile through Central Park in New York City. 1901, The Army War College was established in Washington, DC. 1910, New York's Pennsylvania Station opened. 1934, The U.S. bank robber George "Baby Face" Nelson was killed by FBI agents near Barrington, IL. 1939, The play "Key Largo," by Maxwell Anderson, opened in New York. 1951, Hosea Richardson became the first black horse racing jockey to be licensed in Florida. 1963, U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson delivered his first address to a joint session of Congress. 1970, Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was attacked at the Manila airport by a Bolivian painter disguised as a priest. 1973, The U.S. Senate voted to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice president after the resignation of Spiro T. Agnew. 1978, San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside City Hall by Dan White, a former supervisor. 1983, 183 people were killed when a Colombian Avianca Airlines Boeing 747 crashed near Barajas airport in Madrid. 1985, The British House of Commons approved the Anglo- Irish accord giving Dublin a consulting role in the governing of British-ruled Northern Ireland. 1987, French hostages Jean-Louis Normandin and Roger Auque were set free by their pro-Iranian captors in West Beirut, Lebanon. 1989, 107 people were killed when a bomb destroyed a Colombian jetliner minutes after the plane had taken off from Bogota's international airport. Police blamed the incident on drug traffickers. 1991, The UN Security Council unanimously adopted a resolution that led the way for the establishment of a UN peacekeeping operation in Yugoslavia. 1992, In Venezuela, rebel forces tried but failed to overthrow President Carlos Andres Perez for the second time in ten months. 2008, The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) was taken out of service after more than 30 years. The ship was launched on September 20, 1967. 2022 Do smiled.
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