Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, March 29 Easter Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: PA DUI driver vomited out the window, swerved into oncoming traffic Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 28 in 1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Unknown And now there is FaceBook _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!" "And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Foxglove _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ >From Ed Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Bello, 30, Lancaster, Pennsylvania DUI driver vomited out the window, swerved into oncoming traffic Police arrested a man on St. Patrick's Day who they say was driving under the influence and vomiting out the window at the same time in Lancaster County. Michael Bello, 30, of Lancaster, is charged with two counts of driving under the influence and driving on wrong side of roadway. Police said the incident happened around 2 p.m. in Manor Township and East Hempfield Township. East Hempfield and Manor Township Police were notified by Lancaster County Radio of a possible DUI driving south on Rohrerstown Road near Columbia Avenue. The driver was to be vomiting out of the car and swerving into oncoming traffic, police said. The vehicle was stopped by police on Millersville Road at Charlestown Road. Bello was taken into custody and a chemical test of his breath confirmed he was Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. DearWebby >From Bobbie Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats." | The most amazing archival treasures that were digitized in 2017 |
___________________________________________________ A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? I'm not mad at you!' ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 29 in 1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English thrown by defeating Henry VI's Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create the Dominion of Canada. 1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on Marconi's wireless. 1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking higher wages. 1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance the new military budget. 1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during World War II. 1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African parliamentary majority. 1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in June 19, 1953. 1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. 1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S. Patent 4,378,116) 1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he had experimented with marijuana. 1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops during World War II. 1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S. House and Senate. 2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and Slovenia became members of NATO. 2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 2018 Do smiled. |
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