Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, March 16 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, with 3 kids in the car Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 16 in 1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What it means to be Irish 1) You will never play professional basketball. 2) You swear very well. 3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. 4) You think you sing very well. 5) You have no idea how to make a long story short! 6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone. 7) Much of your childhood meals were boiled. 8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling. 9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer (ya know ya were thinkin' about bein' bad whether ya did it or not). 10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers. 11) You are, therefore, poetic alot. 12) You will be punched for no good reason...alot. 13) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations. 14) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen ... and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen . 15) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more then likely you. 16) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing. 17) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking. 18) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are...but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency. 19) There wasn't a huge difference between your last Wake and your last keg party. 20) You are, or know someone, named Murph. 21) If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac then you know Sully. Then you probably know Sully McMurphy. 22) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret. 23) You have Irish Alzheimer's... you forget everything but the grudges! 24) "Irish Stew" is a euphemism for "boiled leftovers." 25) All of your losses are alcohol related (loss of virginity, loss of driver's license, loss of money, loss of job, loss of significant other, loss of teeth from punch...) but it never stops you from drinking!!! ______________________________________________________ These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar. "Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shift lifter." "Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink. With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and hear he was a pervert too." "Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds. "I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?" The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Wood carving from Dongyang, China _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ One Saturday morning Murphy gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area. Murphy backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adam B. Smith,31, Donnis Smith,29 Chalmers, Indiana Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, with 3 kids in the car Indiana police arrested two parents Friday night after they allegedly overdosed on heroin with their three young children in their SUV, according to WXIN. A passing motorist called police to report the 2003 Mercury Mountaineer SUV sitting in the middle of a Carroll County. The caller told the dispatch officer the two adults inside the vehicle weren't responding. They will do almost anything to get that fix whether or not they place another person or a child in danger, said Carroll County Sheriff Tobe Leazenby. Emergency crews arrived and administered Narcan after determining the two had likely overdosed on heroin. They transported the couple to a local hospital, where they were treated. They were later turned back over to law enforcement to be jailed. Authorities identified the parents as 31-year-old Adam B. Smith and his wife, 29-year-old Donnis Smith, both of Chalmers. Officers booked them into the Carroll County Jail on preliminary charges of felony neglect of a dependent child. They're both being held on $5,000 bond and additional criminal charges are pending. Their children, ages 4, 6, and 11, were turned over to Department of Child Services case managers. Sheriff Leazenby says he has seen this cycle of abuse in his county repeatedly, and his department makes at least a dozen drug arrests each month. The spike in drug cases has led to overcrowding at his jail. We have been above capacity for some time, said Sheriff Leazenby. Based on statements made during the arrest of the couple, investigators searched a Carroll County home. There, they arrested 43-year-old Sara Huff on drug charges including dealing meth and cocaine. Investigators say more charges could be filed during this ongoing investigation. Tech Support Pits From: Nania Re: New Logitech Mouse Dear Webby I got a Logitech M510 7 button mouse on your advice about 7 years ago. It has been a good mouse and outlasted a few lovers. Unfortunately, it got unpredictable. So I went and bought an identical one. Everything the same, except the price. Re-using the same old wireless USB button did not work. They are not THAT advanced! OK, so I got my handy dandy dental pliers and extracted the silly USB plug, and inserted the new one. The new mouse was configured for kindergarten. The Copy and Paste buttons on the side were now Forward and Back, for the widdle kiddies to bwowse their Disney stff. I spent an hour, almost, searching where to set the buttons to the way I am used to using them. Apparently that is too high for Windoze. How do I get my settings back? Thanks Nania face=Arial> Dear Nania Yes, you are right. That is too high for windoze. It would have been easy enough to save the config somewhere, but microsoft is punishing you for not buying a microsoft mouse. Use search everything to find setpoint or options_680.372 that is the program for setting the 7 buttons. (Copy, paste, left- click, right-click, scroll left, scroll right, enter) for enter on pushing down the wheel you have to select more and type in enter. Don't ask me why. After that your mouse will behave like your last one. Luckily windoze remembered the speed and double-click duration. You don't have to reset that. Have FU!N DearWebby Maureen O'Murrah had taken a Manhattan taxi home from work, since both of the ladies she usually carpooled with had taken sick. In the confusion of the short-handed office staff, and hurrying downstairs to meet the cab, she had left her purse behind. As the cab pulled up to her apartment building, she was looking about the seat for her purse when the driver told her the price of her ride. In great embarrassment, she said, "Och. I'm not believin' I did this, Sir, but me purse isn't here. I must have left behind. I'm sorry, but I'm not havin' the money to pay you just now." The driver was... well, he was a Manhattan taxi driver. He said, "That's all right Missy, I'll just pull down into that dark street ahead, and get back there with you, and I'll just take your panties off." Maureen chuckled, and said "Shure, an' it's the poor end of the trade that you'll be gettin'. These panties only cost eighty-nine cents." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
This kid comes home all wet, one shoe off and one shoe on, dripping water all over the house. "Momma, momma, I fell in the drainage canal !!!" "Omigosh! How did you get out?" "This man was walking nearby, heard me yelling, and jumped in to save me." Maureen rushes out the door, runs to the canal, and finds a gentleman trying to dry himself off with old newspapers. "Are you the man who pulled my little boy out of the canal?" "Yes, ma'am, but it was really nothing." "Nothing?" she screamed, "what did you do with his other shoe?!?!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float Ingredients: lemon-lime soda lime sherbet whipped cream green and white sprinkles Airheads Xtremes Bites candy Steps: Put two scoops of sherbet into a glass. Add the lemon-lime soda. Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add soda Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add sprinkles Finish it off with a rainbow candy. Enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time." | Rainbow colored mountains. |
___________________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in Ireland, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 16 in 1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of Kanvaha in India. 1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in Maine who spoke English. 1802 The U.S. Congress established the West Point Military Academy in New York. 1836 The Republic of Texas approved a constitution. 1850 The novel "The Scarlet Letter," by Nathaniel Hawthorne, was published for the first time. 1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United States to join the Red Cross. 1883 Susan Hayhurst graduated from the Philadelphia College of Pharmacy. She was the first woman pharmacy graduate. 1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was completed at Glasgow. 1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the inauguration of Gomez. 1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at Newport News, VA. 1915 The Federal Trade Commission began operation. 1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel rocket. 1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the Versailles Treaty. 1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after spending a year in jail. 1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence off contradictory and a propaganda move. 1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson submitted a $1 billion war on poverty program to Congress. 1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly of women and children. The event is known as the My-Lai massacre. 1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the support for one another's internal enemies. 1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert Einstein's last high school report card. 1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two others for their involvement in the Iran-Contra affair. 1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's agrarian reform plan. 1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved large- scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100 members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human consumption. 1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned from amateur figure skating. 1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade plutonium. 1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to visit the Russian space station Mir. 1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders. 1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and financial mismanagement. 2018 Do smiled. |
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