Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, April 4 Today in April 4 in 1932, After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man Steals Wine, Beer, Cheese From Publix, Threatens Worker with stolen wine ___________________________________________________ Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. --- Aristotle Onassis "I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom." --- General George S. Patton The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. --- Mark Caine ___________________________________________________ The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would have a bird." ____________________________________________________ We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a woman who was contacted by police to assist in a missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what would you call that kind of person?" While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer taking the course raised his hand and replied, "The suspect." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The spammers from bratan.org sent me some spam asking me to sign their petition that the death penalty for murderers and terrorists be abolished. I told them, quite the opposite, it should be kept, and that spammers should be burned at the stake. ____________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?" ____________________________________________________ It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either on some days." ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Michael Mascuch, DELRAY BEACH, Florida, USA Man Steals Wine, Beer, Cheese From Publix, Threatens Worker with stolen wine  Delray Beach resident Michael Mascuch remains in the Palm Beach County Jail late Friday afternoon following his Wednesday arrest at the Publix at 1538 South Federal Highway in Delray Beach. According to a police report reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com, Mascuch is accused of stealing wine, cheese, and beer from the store. He apparently took the items and made no attempt to pay. As he attempted to exit the store, employees locked the doors, which allegedly led to Mascuch causing a scene by threatening physical harm to employees. One employee told police that he was afraid that Mscuch was going to strike him with the bottle of wine that he had just stolen. According to a police report reviewed by BocaNewsNow.com, Mascuch is accused of stealing wine, cheese, and beer from the store. He apparently took the items and made no attempt to pay. As he attempted to exit the store, employees locked the doors, which allegedly led to Mascuch causing a scene by threatening physical harm to employees. One employee told police that he was afraid that Mscuch was going to strike him with the bottle of wine that he stole. Also according to the police report, customers stopped what they were doing and began to watch Mascuch act out. Mascuch allegedly told police that, he used to work at Publix and they have been stealing money from him and taking advantage of people in the recovery community. He is charged with simple assault, intentionally threaten to do violence, retail theft, and breach of peace. Mascuch was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail at 2:27 a.m. Wednesday and remains held on $1,000 bond.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Walter RE: Set line spacing in Open Office Dear Webby. I have a question about how to set the line spacing in Open Office and went to their help site; they referred me to the "Context Menu." Where do I find that "Context Menu" or better yet as the preeminent man of knowledge and right answers can you tell me how to adjust the line spacing in Open Office. My sincerest thanks as always! Be well, live long, prosper, and Carpe Diem, Walter  Dear Walter You have to be IN OO Writer. Select the text you want to work with, then open the Format menu and choose "Paragraph." You can change the space before the selected paragraph, after the selected paragraph or between the selected lines to 1 inch using the options under the Indents & Spacing tab. Click "OK" to confirm your settings. 1 inch is just an example. You can, of course, set any dimension. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their clothes. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two women look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Wow," says the man, "nice to see you! Where do you want these venetian blinds?" 
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 _____________________________________________ Sad, but unfortunately aparently true: From the Florida News Network: Hugh Friday, a teacher at Forest Hill High School, ran a stop sign and was pulled over. After receiving a ticket, Friday who is supposed to be a role model to the teenagers in the school, pulled up to the stop sign, stood up in the front seat of his car, looked in an exaggerated and prolonged gaze in both directions for others cars, and immediately received another ticket for "obstructing a roadway." He was convicted on both charges. ______________________________________________ Morris and Harry were both fanatics about deep sea fishing. Each would come back from fishing trips, and tell the other big lies about the number, and sizes of the fish they caught. So Morris comes back from his latest fishing trip, and tells Harry, "You wouldn't believe, but in the Bahamas I caught a 500 pound herring." Harry says, "That's nothing, last time I fished in the Bahamas, I pulled up an old lantern from a sunken Spanish ship -- and da candle was still burning!" They both looked at each other, knowing that the other was lying. Finally, Harry said to Morris, "Look Morris, if you take 499 pounds off your herring . . . I'll blow out my candle!" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The teenage beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. The friend inquired as to the reason for her worrying. She informed her friend that her mom was always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend said, " At her age, that's not good at all. Why is she staying up all night?" "She's waiting for me to come home." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 4, in 0896, Formosus ended his reign as pope. 1541, Ignatius of Loyola became the first superior-general of the Jesuits. 1581, Francis Drake was knighted by Queen Elizabeth I. A few months earlier he became the first Englishman to circumnavigate the world. 1687, King James II ordered that his declaration of indulgence be read in church. 1812, The territory of Orleans became the 18th U.S. state and will become known as Louisiana. 1818, A plan was passsed by the U.S. Congress that the U.S. flag would have 13 red and white stripes and 20 stars and that a new star would be added for the each new state. 1841, U.S. President William Henry Harrison, at the age of 68, became the first president to die in office. He had been sworn in only a month before he died of pneumonia. 1850, The city of Los Angeles was incorporated. 1862, In the U.S., the Battle of Yorktown began as Union General George B. McClellan closed in on Richmond, VA. 1887, Susanna M. Salter became mayor of Argonia, KS, making her the first woman mayor in the U.S. 1902, British Financier Cecil Rhodes left $10 million in his will that would provide scholarships for Americans to Oxford University in England. 1905, In Kangra, India, an earthquake killed 370,000 people. 1914, The first known serialized moving picture opened in New York City, NY. It was "The Perils of Pauline". 1917, The U.S. Senate voted 90-6 to enter World War I on the Allied side. 1918, The Battle of Somme, an offensive by the British against the German Army ended. 1932, After five years of research, professor C.G. King, of the University of Pittsburgh, isolated vitamin C. 1945, Hungary was liberated from Nazi occupation. 1945, During World War II, U.S. forces liberated the Nazi death camp Ohrdruf in Germany. 1949, Twelve nations signed a treaty to create The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 1953, Fifteen doctors were released by Soviet leaders. The doctors had been arrested before Stalin had died and were accused of plotting against him. 1967, The U.S. lost its 500th plane over Vietnam. 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated at the age of 39. 1969, Dr. Denton Cooley implanted the first temporary artificial heart. 1971, Veterans stadium in Philadelphia, PA, was dedicated this day. 1973, In New York, the original World Trade Center twin towers opened. At the time they were the tallest buildings in the world. 1975, More than 130 people, most of them children, were killed when a U.S. Air Force transport plane evacuating Vietnamese orphans crashed just after takeoff from Saigon. 1979, Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, the president of Pakistan, was executed. He had been convicted of conspiring to murder a political opponent. 1981, Henry Cisneros became the first Mexican-American elected mayor of a major U.S. city, which was San Antonio, TX. 1983, At Cape Canaveral, the space shuttle Challenger took off on its first flight. It was the sixth flight overall for the shuttle program. 1984, U.S. President Reagan proposed an international ban on chemical weapons. 1985, In Sudan, a coup ousted President Nimeiry and replaced him with General Dahab. 1986, Wayne Gretzky set an NHL record with his 213th point of the season. 1987, The U.S. charged the Soviet Union with wiretapping a U.S. Embassy. 1988, Arizona Governor Evan Mecham was voted out of office by the Arizona Senate. Mecham was found guilty of diverting state funds to his auto business and of trying to impede an investigation into a death threat to a grand jury witness. 1991, Pennsylvanian Senator John Heinz and six others were killed when a helicopter collided with Heinz's plane over a schoolyard in Merion, PA. 1992, Sali Berisha became the first non-Marxist president of Albania since World War II. 1994, Netscape Communications (Mosaic Communications) was founded. 1995, U.S. Senator Alfonse D'Amato ridiculed judge Lance Ito using a mock Japanese accent on a nationally syndicated radio program. D'Amato apologized two days later for the act. 2017, In Hong Kong, the Pink Star diamond sold at auction for $71 million. The auction set a record for any diamond or jewel. The diamond is a 59.60 carats. 2022 Do smiled. 

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