Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, August 4 Thank You, Francis! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 4, in 1987, The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced fashion. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Georgia deputies kill suicidal dope dealer during undercover drug arrest _________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980) If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) __________________________________________________ A Florida officer pulls over eighty-six-year-old Mrs. Pooshpa because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" ___________________________________________________ An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem. "Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?". No response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?" "For the fifth time," she screams, "CHICKEN!" __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sabien-Macon, 18, Gordon County, Georgia, USA Georgia deputies kill suicidal dope dealer during undercover drug arrest Deputies in Georgia's Gordon County have shot and killed a suspect during an undercover investigation into illegal drugs in the county. According to reports from the Gordon County Sheriff's Office, on Monday at 9:30 p.m., undercover detectives were at the intersection of Brookline Circle and Dews Pond Road during an investigation into the distribution of methamphetamine and marijuana. At the intersection, officials say the deputies, who were posed as drug buyers, met up with a pair of men, who had advertised selling drugs on social media. The sheriff's office said that the undercover deputies bought the drugs, then identified themselves as law enforcement officers and tried to arrest the two suspects. At that time, one of the suspects, who had been allegedly carrying a handgun, pulled out a "shortened (concealable) AK47-type weapon" and threatened to shoot the deputies, officials said. The deputies then fired at the man, killing him. Investigators identified that man as 26-year-old Walter Lee Osborne. The other man, who investigators identified as 18-year-old Sabien Macon, fled the scene. Investigators described Macon as having dreadlocks-style hair, 5-feet-10-inches tall, weighing about 137 pounds. He was last seen wearing a white T-shirt, black pants, and gray sandal-style shoes. He remained on the run as of late Tuesday afternoon. Deputies say Osborne as been arrested multiple times in the area and was free on bond from an aggravated assault charge at the time of his death. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation has been called to do an independent investigation into the deadly shooting. Both deputies involved are on administrative leave while the investigation is ongoing. Macon is considered "armed and dangerous" and asked the public not to approach him, but to immediately call 911. _____________________________________________________ When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, 'Jose, can you see?'" _____________________________________________________ A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before anniversary dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Maryann RE: Colors in W10 Dear Webby, It used to be easy to change colors for different components of Windows, so of course they screwed that up with W10. How is it done now? I want to change the colors of SELECTED items. Since apparently nobody selects the f*ggy liberals, that word is no longer in there. How is it done now? Thanks Maryann color> Dear Maryann Yes, the unselected liberals did indeed murder the word SELECTED. The politically correct term is now "Accented". Yeah, how schdooopid is THAT! Click on START, SETTINGS, PESONALIZATION, COLORS. In there you can mess around all you want. Make 300% sure you do NOT choose "High Contrast" unless the lid on the dumpster is open. That setting will screw everything up. Other than that, you might wind up with a weird color scheme, but you can safely reverse that and get back to usable colors. And "SELECTED" is now "Accented". Excuse me while I puke! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of fire. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why you are tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!" _____________________________________________________ Maia Matar ___________________________________________________ Morris walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave." "Who?" "Dave Aronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave." "There are always a few clouds over everybody," says Morris. "Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and I black out the whole neighborhood." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Dave." "Then how do you know so much about him?" asks Morris. "Because I married his widow." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ One evening in a bar, the conversation got around to Bobs pet peeve and he started "venting." "All polititians are jerks," he loudly proclaimed. Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed, and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said, and I am highly offended by it." "Why is that-are you a polititian?" he asked. "No, I'm not; I'm a jerk!" _____________________________________________________ A second grade class had just come in from recess, and the teacher, figuring to start on the spelling section of the day turned to Brucie, and asked, "What did you do for recess today?" Brucie responded, "I played in the sandbox." "That sounds like fun, now, if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie." the teacher responded. Brucie went to the blackboard, spelled the word correctly, got her cookie, and took her seat. The teacher then turned to Michael, and asked him, "What did you do at recess today?" "I played with Brucie in the sandbox." he responded. "If you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie." He goes the the blackboard, spells the word box, gets his cookie, and returns to his seat. Next, the teacher turns to Angus McKenzie, and asks him, "Angus, what did you do for recess today?" "Well, I tried to play with Brucie and Michael in the sandbox, but they threw rocks at me and said I was a stinking Honkie Cracker." he said. The teacher, wide-eyed, responds, "Well that sounds like homophobic, blatant, racial discrimination. I'll tell you what Angus, if you can spell homophobic blatant, racial discrimination on the blackboard, I'll give you a freshly baked cookie." _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ >From Maryann I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes. She asked me, "Single click or double click?" _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ >From Thea It's better to have loved and lost than to do sixty pounds of laundry a week! ___________________________________________________ >From Nicole Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother." ______________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Patty," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't," agreed Patty, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't do this to save his life!" ____________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, August 4, in 1735, Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 1753, George Washington became a Master Mason. 1790, The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 1821, "The Saturday Evening Post" was published for the first time as a weekly. 1914, Britain declared war on Germany. The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality. 1921, The first radio broadcast of a tennis match occurred. It was in Pittsburgh, PA. 1922, The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected 13 million phones. 1944, Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after her death. 1954, The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 1956, William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 1957, Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 1957, Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the world auto driving championship. It was his the fifth consecutive year to win. 1958, The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND. 1958, Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart, which was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of potential hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's "Poor Little Fool." 1972, Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace, the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years in prison. 1983, New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a baseball during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull. After the game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing unnecessary suffering to an animal." 1984, Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to Burkina Faso. 1987, The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced fashion. 1990, The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion of the oil-rich Kuwait. 1991, The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 crewmembers survived. 1994, Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 1997, Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in full-time positions and defeated a proposed reorganization of the company's pension plan. 2007, NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on Mars on May 25, 2008. 2009, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for illegal entry earlier in the year. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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