Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, March 4 Still snowing Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman had pipe, three bags and a box inside private parts in jail Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?" ______________________________________________________ A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Because winter was so dry, Ocotillos are early this year. I can't go to Arizona this year, but I still enjoy the pictures! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied. _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lillian Adams, 33, St Augustine, Florida Florida woman had pipe, three bags and a box inside private parts in jail A St. Augustine woman had multiple items hidden in her private parts while she was being processed for drug possession, a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office report said. Lillian Adams, 33, was pulled over near the St. Augustine Outlets and booked for drug possession and smuggling contraband after a traffic stop. The arrest report said that when Adams was being processed at the St. Johns County Jail, a body scanner revealed a pipe in her private area. After Adams removed it, she went back through the body scanner, where more objects were found, the report said. Adams told the officers that she had more drugs and removed a red box containing a white substance, the report said. When she went back through the scanner, another object was found, and Adams was told she would be strip-searched. She told the deputy, "Okay, I have more drugs, I promise this time, this is everything." Adams then removed three bags from a private area, which also held a white substance, the report said. Jail records show that Adams was released on $5,500 bail. Also arrested during the traffic stop was Ryan Smith, 30. The report said that he chewed a chicken nugget with marijuana on it during the traffic stop. Smith resisted arrest and spat out the marijuana when handcuffed, the report said. Smith told the arresting deputy that he ate the marijuana during the traffic stop because he had just been released from jail and did not wish to be arrested again. Jail records show that Smith was just released from the St. Johns County Jail three weeks ago. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rick Re: Service Manuals Dear Webby, Years ago you had a link to all kinds of service manuals. Do you still have that? Rick Dear Rick Yes, sure. Service Manuals Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you forget?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the work sheet that she had to take up to the front. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Car Rental If you are having a major car repair done and your car won't be available to you for days, or even weeks, ask the garage doing the repair to give you a loaner car to use while you wait. They may have loaner cars available for this purpose or they may arrange to get you a car from a rental agency. If they say no, call around to other repair shops and see if they offer this service for major repairs. It could save you hundreds of dollars if public transportation or a car pool isn't available to get to your workplace. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ A woman visits an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump, he even wrote it down for me." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down Customer pick-up, Datsun 280 Z water pump, part number . . . | Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find 20 funny images, 10 interesting articles and 5 entertaining videos from the last 7 days of sifting. |
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 4 in 1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government. 1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag. 1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping students in school. 1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." 1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS radio for the first time. 1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first successful kidney transplant. 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government- funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or abortions. 2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election. 2018 Do smiled. |
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