Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, July 20 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Thank you, Lisa!! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken after biting deputy Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 20 in 1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative. --- John Burroughs Hillary is counting on that! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing out their front teef on the counter." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Maxwell Elder, 20, St. Augustine, Florida Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken after biting deputy A St. Augustine man was arrested Tuesday after a scuffle with St. Johns County deputies, leaving him with a broken jaw. Maxwell Elder, 20, of St. Augustine, was arrested Tuesday and is being charged with possession of narcotics, marijuana and drug paraphernalia, resisting with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer. According to a St. Johns County offense report, police were called by a neighbor who asked them to give Elder a trespass warning. After the call, the report says Elder stole a $300 extension ladder, but the neighbor did not want to press charges against Elder. Once a deputy arrived to his home, he said he found Elder in the driveway. When the responding deputy asked if Elder knew why he was there, Elder responded "Are you with me or against me?" The deputy said he noticed Elder was holding a multi-colored glass pipe with a baggie in his left hand. The report says the deputy immediately secured Elder in handcuffs and took away the suspected narcotics. When the deputy was searching him, Elder told the deputy he had a patch on his leg for bug bites, the report said. According to the report, the deputy suspected it was a fentanyl patch and called fire and rescue to respond to the scene. An additional deputy arrived and, according to the report, attempted to help the initial responder arrest Elder. When the deputies tried to place Elder on the rear of a patrol vehicle, Elder "became enraged for no apparent reason," banging his head forcefully against the back window of the car, the report said. Deputies said Elder tried kicking one of them in the groin, so they took him to the ground to prevent him from injuring himself. That's when Elder bit one of the deputies, the report said. The deputy stated, "Stop biting me." The report said the deputy who was being bitten then attempted to deliver a brachial stun and managed to get Elder to let go. St. Johns County Fire Rescue informed the deputy that the patch was fentanyl, the report said, and Elder was placed under arrest and taken to Flagler Hospital for medical clearance. Doctors told deputies that Elder sustained a broken jaw from the incident, as well as a cut on the inside of his lip, stating it was likely a result from the attempted brachial stun, according to the report. Tech Support Pits From Fran Re: Selective screen capture Dear Webby, I think you might have answered this before, but I can't find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the entire screen ? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Try ALT and the PrintScreen key. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came into the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some great display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemonade Ice Cubes The next time you make lemonade, fill an ice cube tray with it to make some lemonade ice cubes. As they melt, they won't dilute your glass of lemonade. They are also good in iced tea! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | 23 Of History s Most Infamous Objects And Where They Finally Ended Up |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 20 in 1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all cigarette packs was passed. 1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops. 1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 1935 NBC radio debuted "G-men." The show was later renamed "Gangbusters." 1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. 1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing on Mars. 1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work. 2018 Do smiled. |
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