Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, April 9 Smallblessings.com is for sale: $100 You can use it for anything you want. Offer expires on 4/22/2018 Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for a colonoscopy, not because of any abnormal symptoms or pain or reason, but because my doctor said so. As those of you, who have had to endure that procedure, it is a major nuisance, and worse at some hospitals than at others. With this one, the preparation is old-fashioned Colyte nuclear laxative, but for the procedure they use Fentanyl and intravenous valium. My dope days ended in 1971, so the use of dope like that does not impress me. At the previous hospital they used a simple sedative, just like for a cataract operation. Oh, well. I will get over it, and will try to specify a different hospital next time. Wendy just sent this to me: After my recent Prostate Exam, which was the most thorough I've ever had, the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in. As she shut the door, She asked me a question I didn't want to hear. She said; "Who Was That Guy? Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Social worker faces 14 felony charges after patient says she made him her 'sex slave' Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, April 9 in 1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ JingleTruck, Pakistan _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christy Lenhardt, 53, Elgin, Illinois Social worker faces 14 felony charges after patient says she made him her 'sex slave' An Illinois social worker faces 14 felony charges after one of her patients said she treated him like a "sex slave." There are now three lawsuits one criminal and two civil claiming that a former employee at the Elgin Mental Health Center took advantage of her position by making her patients her sex slaves. Christy Lenhardt, 53, now faces 14 counts of sexual misconduct in Kane County. Lenhardt was charged with eight counts of sexual misconduct with a person with disabilities, and six counts of official misconduct. The charges come after a state investigation into the Elgin Mental Health Center. The criminal complaint alleges that one patient, Benahdam Hurt of Aurora, was forced to have romantic trysts with his social worker in her office and in his bedroom in the state-run facility for nearly three years. I visit my son every day every weekend and I knew something wasn't right. I would hear things and people would slip papers to me, his mother, D'Anntanette Lee, said. The criminal charges follow civil suits filed in 2017 and 2018. In one of those cases another patient, Mark Owens Jr., claimed Lenhardt made sexual advances toward him when he first showed up at the facility in 2012. When Hurt said he wanted to stop seeing Lenhardt in her private office, she allegedly retaliated against him by telling his treatment team he was paranoid and in need of stronger medication. She can get me drugged to the gills. In all likelihood I better do what she says, Hurt's attorney said. Lenhardt, a long time state employee, resigned in August of 2017. The civil lawsuits are each seeking $10,000 in damages. It shouldn't be this way. This is a terrible crime and not just against my client but against human dignity itself, Randy Kretchmar, attorney, said. Lenhardt posted bail on Thursday. Her attorney told the Chicago Tribune that she does not have a criminal history and will wait for the legal process to play out in court. She is due back in court on April 20. If convicted, Lenhardt faces probation or between two and five years in prison. Tech Support Pits From: Keith Re: Dual Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving two copies of each day's letter. I still wish to receive the daily letter, but only one copy. Thanks, Keith Dear Keith Look at the bottom of the one, that you do not want anymore, and tell me which email address you see there. Then I can delete that subscription and keep the other one going. Have FUN DearWebby Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Isaac Greenberg bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for the anniversary. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world I was gonna find a fake Jeep?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road ..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. "Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Junk Mail? I recently received a letter in the mail that looked like a credit card offer or junk mail from my bank on the outside of the envelope. I opened it and at a glance, it still looked like marketing of some sort. Fortunately, I took time to read it. It was promotional material, but it was detailing the virtues of a the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. By Fisher Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Two American women stop at an inexpensive pension in Paris. When they get to the room, they find they have only one chair, so one asks the bellboy to bring them another. Unfortunately, the bellboy can't understand a word of English, and neither of the young women can speak French. To solve the problem, one of the women points to the only chair in the room, then tries to pantomime sitting down in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the bellboy bows and motions for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stops, smiles, and bows again. Then he points triumphantly to the door of the ladies' room. | Yikes! TeufelsbrǬcke, The Devil's Bridge in Switzerland |
___________________________________________________ Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handed me a menu and replied, "Well... you've come to the right place." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, April 9 in 0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 0715 Constantine ended his reign as Catholic Pope. 1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the Poles and the Germans. 1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a peace agreement at Lodi, Italy. 1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at the Palais-Royale. 1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and all lands that touch it for France. 1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the Australian continent. 1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally supported public library in the United States. 1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home. Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed 360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 1866 The Civil Rights Bill passed over U.S. President Andrew Johnson's veto. 1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote. 1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa. 1905 The first aerial ferry bridge went into operation in Duluth, MN. 1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The Flesh & the Devil," was shown. 1916 The German army launched it's third offensive during the Battle of Verdun. 1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a massive assault on Vimy Ridge. 1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga Treaty. 1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production of "Diamond Lil." 1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 1945 National Football League officials decreed that it was mandatory for football players to wear socks in all league games. 1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360 people. The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a series of tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 1950 Bob Hope made his first television appearance on "Star- Spangled Review" on NBC-TV. 1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven astronauts. 1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S. citizen. 1965 "TIME" magazine featured a cover with the entire "Peanuts" comic gang. 1965 The Houston Astrodome held its first baseball game. 1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 1968 Murdered civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr., was buried. 1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests for peaceful use. 1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho Maru's captain and first mate died. 1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight. 1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support for guerilla raids illegal. 1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy foreign products. 1986 It was announced that Patrick Duffy's character on the TV show Dallas would be returning after being killed off. 1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo corrective surgery for Parkinson's disease. 1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia. 1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in support of the right to abortion. 1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 1998 The National Prisoner of War Museum opened in Andersonville, GA, at the site of an infamous Civil War camp. 1998 More than 150 Muslims died in stampede in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 1999 In Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh of the ruling Popular Rally for Progress and the Front for the Restoration of Unity and Democracy was elected president. 1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Bar Manassara was assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president two days later. 2018 Do smiled. |
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