Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, November 23 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after she caught him ransacking her apartment. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 21 in  1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. --- Gloria Borger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who do shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, that has to go. ______________________________________________________  A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "We'll wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!" ______________________________________________________ This was heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando. "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Ebert Caballero, 25, Miamio-Dade County, Florida  Florida burglar hit by woman with with metal rod after she caught him ransacking her apartment.  A South Florida woman attacked a burglar Sunday afternoon after she caught him ransacking her apartment, authorities said. The incident was reported just before 2 p.m. at the Futura Condominiums at 401 NW 72nd Ave. According to an arrest report, the victim was walking toward her apartment with her daughter and her daughter's babysitter when they noticed that the front door was open. Police said the babysitter and the girl went inside, saw Ebert Caballero, 25, searching through the girl's bedroom and ran outside screaming, "there's a man in the house." The mother, armed with a silver rod, went inside and saw Caballero inside her bedroom with her safe open and money in his hand, the report said. The woman told detectives that she had $500 inside the safe. Police said the woman struck Caballero with the rod, rattling his marbles and causing a cut on his ear. Police said Caballero dropped the money and a knife on the woman's bed and ran outside. A neighbor who heard the commotion went outside and held Caballero down until police arrived. Caballero was arrested on charges of grand theft and armed burglary.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits >From Daniel Re: Screen won't open fully Dear Webby, my screen won't open full left to right.top to bottom is good.is there a fix for this daniel  Dear Daniel Sounds like your settings are for old style 4:3 ratio, not the sawed off modern style. Go into settings and pick a different one until you like what you get. It lets you preview each setting, and unless you tell it that you want to keep what you are trying, it will automatically go back to what you had before. Once you have a setting, that you like, write it down. Chances are that whatever game changed the settings on you, will do it again. Then you will need those numbers again. Have FUN! DearWebby     Groan Alert: Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating. Luke is having problems, there is food over his face, his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth. "What should I do?" he asks Ben. "Use the forks, Luke!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Secretly Budget Pasta  By attosa [256 Posts, 572 Comments] I call this Secretly Budget Pasta because I make it when I'm short on funds. This recipe is super quick and cheap, but the outcome is something fancy and delicious. Enjoy! Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 17 minutes Total Time: 22 minutes Yield: 2 servings Ingredients: 1/2 onion, sliced 1 crown broccoli, cut into pieces 1 cup mushrooms, sliced 1 large tomato, diced 1 large garlic clove, minced spaghetti or any pasta for two 1 Tbsp chicken or beef granulated stock Steps: Bring a pot of water to boil. Cook spaghetti as directed to al dente. Secretly Budget Pasta Warm up a pan to medium high with a bit of oil. Add all your vegetables except for the tomato. Fry until lightly browned and softened, about 5 minutes, Stir often. Drain pasta but reserve the water it was boiled in. Add pasta to vegetables. Add the granulated stock and the diced tomato. Add some of the reserved pasta water to the mix a tablespoon at a time. The starch in the water helps create a beautiful thick sauce, and picks up all the yummy browned vegetable bits at the bottom of your pan. To finish up, add salt and pepper to taste. I like mine with a bit of cheese and hot sauce. ;)  
  
 I think he failed the test :) 
 ____________________________________________________ My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesnt like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where the hell I am now? ____________________________________________________ "We apologise for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force'. This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce." ____________________________________________________  
  
 
It takes a brave soul to explore the unknown corners of the Earth and it was a very brave man who explored Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. 
 Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was decided that the brush was invented in Maine. Intrigued with the discovery, the researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today on November 23 1765 Frederick County, MD, repudiated the British Stamp Act. 1835 Henry Burden patented the horseshoe manufacturing machine. 1889 The first jukebox made its debut in San Francisco, at the Palais Royale Saloon. 1890 Princess Wilhelmina became Queen of the Netherlands at the age of 10 when her father William III died. 1936 The first edition of "Life" was published. 1943 During World War II, U.S. forces seized control of Tarawa and Makin from the Japanese during the Central Pacific offensive in the Gilbert Islands. 1945 The U.S. wartime rationing of most foods ended. 1948 Dr. Frank G. Back patented the "Zoomar" lens. 1946 Mound Metalcraft changed its name to Tonka Toys Incorporated. 1961 The Dominican Republic changed the name of its capital from Ciudad Trujillo to Santo Domingo. 1971 The People's Republic of China was seated in the United Nations Security Council. 1979 In Dublin, Ireland, Thomas McMahon was sentenced to life imprisonment for the assassination of Earl Mountbatten. 1980 In southern Italy, approximately 4,800 people were killed in a series of earthquakes. 1983 The first Pershing II missiles were deployed in West Germany. In response, the U.S.S.R. broke off International Nuclear Forces (INF) talks in Geneva. 1985 Larry Wu-tai Chin, a retired CIA analyst, was arrested and accused of spying for China. He committed suicide a year after his conviction. 1985 Gunmen hijacked an Egyptian jetliner en route from Athens to Cairo. The plane was forced to land in Malta. 1988 Wayne Gretzky scored his 600th National Hockey League (NHL) goal. 1989 Lucia Barrera de Cerna, a housekeeper who claimed she had witnessed the slaying of six Jesuit priests and two other people at the Jose Simeon Canas University in El Salvador, was flown to the U.S. 1994 About 111 people, mostly women and children, were killed in a stampede after Indian police baton-charged tribal protesters in the western city of Nagpur. 1998 Dennis Rodman filed for an annulment from Carmen Electra. The two had been married on November 14, 1998. 1998 The tobacco industry signed the biggest U.S. civil settlement. It was a $206-billion deal to resolve remaining state claims for treating sick smokers. 1998 A U.S. federal judge rejected a Virginia county's effort to block pornography on library computer calling the attempt unconstitutional. 2010 North Korea shelled Yeonpyeong Island. 2016 Do smiled. 
 

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