--- Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 30 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida Dean arrested for exposing pecker, DUI, resisting arrest Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, June 30 in 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the police stop a driver. "Not only have you been driving too fast, you've been passing cars where it is not allowed. Your lights don't work, your tires all completely worn out. This is surely going to cost you a lot. What's your name?" "Schtrathewisizeski Vocgefastilongchinic." "Well, I'll let you go this time but don't do it again." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Nonaco Grand Prix 1962 Street race, with traffic _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ While standing in line at airport security this morning, the ahead of me poked her index finger at an article in the newspaper she was reading and made a rather unflattering comment about the author. I read: "12 ideas to help you keep that resolution to lose weight." After a couple of paragraphs, the article lists things to do. The second of these hints reads: "When cooking yourself, substitute lower-fat ingredients whenever possible...." "HUH?" she then asked, "Am I supposed to hunt down and cook low-fat jogger instead of myself?" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Schletter, 35, Duval County, Florida Florida Dean arrested for exposing pecker, DUI, resisting arrest A local man who works with children was arrested for a DUI and resisting arrest- after a Nassau County deputy found him with his genitals exposed. It happened in Yulee at The Reserve at Amelia apartment complex. Duval County Public Schools employee Michael Schletter was arrested for DUI, exposing sex organs and resisting arrest. Duval County Public Schools employee Michael Schletter was arrested for DUI, exposing sex organs and resisting arrest. a Nassau County Sheriff's Office incident report that states that earlier this month, Schletter was found passed out in a car that was parked across multiple parking spaces and, when he got out of the car, he smelled highly of an alcoholic beverage. When he was found, the report states, the car's motor was running and the headlights were on. The report also states that Schletter's genitals were out and he was asked several times to cover himself, but refused. He was then arrested after failing to directly answer questions and follow commands. Tech Support Pits From: Yolanda Re: Screen Saver is full screen Dear Webby Good morning. I hope and pray you and yours are doing well?! I messed up, I read this mornings email from you regarding screensavers...ughhhh, should have come with warning Don't try this at home...lol I did as you had suggested to your reader and now my screen saver is full screen and I can't get it to down size. I know you have the answer and will you be so kind to share with me...and possibly other readers who have the same issue. Thank you for your time and help in regards to my mess up. Have a Blessed day!! Smiles, Yolanda Dear Yolanda Dear Yolanda You did not mess up. Screen Savers are always full screen. They are supposed to save and protect the entire screen. In the old days, when we had green monitors, if they were left running overnight, every night, with the word processor menu up, it burned in. To prevent that, screen savers were invented in the 80's. With today's monitors, that is not a problem. Today the screen savers are mostly just to hide the games you are playing or confidential client data while you run for coffee or a nap. However, they are still full screen, and no command exists to make them protect less than the entire screen. As soon as you touch the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard, it goes away and patiently waits for the next time it is needed. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - Let me show you how." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Repeat by request: Hillbilly Medical Terms... Benign: What you be after you be eight. Bacteria: Door to the cafeteria. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan: Searching for Kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. D&C: Where Washington is. Dilate: To live long. Enema: Not a friend. Fester: Quicker than someone else. Fibula: A small lie. G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball. Hangnail: What you hang your coat on. Impotent: Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates. Node: I knew it. Outpatient: A person who has fainted. Pap Smear: A fatherhood test. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative: A letter carrier. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. Rectum: Damn near killed him. Secretion: Hiding something. Seizure: Roman emperor. Tablet: A small table. Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. Tumor: More than one. Urine: Opposite of mine. Varicose: Near by/close by. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Locks If you have a stubborn lock, spray it with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any hardware store. In a pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in talcum powder and inserting it in the lock. All of those items will ensure that your locksmith will charge you extra, because they are a pain in the nuisance to clean out off a lock. Actually, I got the term "pain in the nuisance" from Garry, the guy who taught me most of what I know about locksmithing and burglar alarm security. When a lock gets stubborn, it's not from lack of lubrication, but because of dirt causing friction. Adding more stuff, especially stuff that will attract and hold even more dirt, just makes the inevitable cleaning more expensive. One of the few sprays that won't make things worse is Crown Mold Release spray. It has a very thin carrier fluid that helps flushing grit out, and it covers the parts with a dry, waxy dirt repellant coating. Unless you locked yourself into the garage and need to get out, your best bet is to take the lock to a locksmith, and tell him right away, that you have restrained yourself from spraying weird stuff into the lock. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Roads less traveled, photos of Scotland. |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this report: A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare. "Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice." "Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed. "What color was the car?" I asked. They answered simultaneously, "Blonde." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of the small towns. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives in the green house right down the street." ____________________________________________________ | Today, June 30 in 1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope. 1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for Japanese aid. 1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal suffrage. 1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Serbia. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the British deputy for Northern Ireland. 1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany's Rhineland. 1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA and bringing to power to the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives." 1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 1936 Margaret Mitchell's book, "Gone with the Wind," was published. 1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea and authorizes the draft. 1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway broadcasts that the United Nations was willing to discuss an armistice with North Korea. 1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany's rearmament with US made jets and bombs. 1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was dissolved. 1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's independence from Belgium). 1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year effort to bring stability to the country. 1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from publishing the Pentagon Papers. 1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three cosmonauts were found dead inside. 1971 The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified when Ohio became the 38th state to approve it. The amendment lowered the minimum voting age to 18. 1974 Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected in Toronto, Canada. 1974 The July 4th scene from the Steven Spielberg movie "Jaws" was filmed. 1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to the B- 1 bomber. 1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600 performances in "The King and I." 1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults. 1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of the 1994 national championship and banned her from the organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 1998 Officials confirmed that the remains of a Vietnam War serviceman buried in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery were identified as those of Air Force pilot Michael J. Blassie. 2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a signature in pen and ink. 2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 2018 Do smiled. |
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