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Today's International Bonehead Award: Georgia man charged with putting feces in disabled mother's mouth Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 27, in 0363 - The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan Revival. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if THIS deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can too. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if even his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, then surely he can too. He stands up, gingerly steps out of the boat, and sinks. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?" With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and said that he'd have to wait another three hours in the airport. "How come?" his nephew asked. "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained. "Grounded?!" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents." ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Georgia man charged with putting feces in disabled mother's mouth Quami Dewayne Kelly, 20, Augusta, Georgia A 20-year-old Augusta man is facing charges after he put feces into his disabled mothers mouth, police said. Quami Dewayne Kelly was booked into the Richmond County jail today on a charge of exploitation of the elderly or disabled. According to an incident report, deputies were called to Kellys Melrose Drive home about 7 p.m. Tuesday after his mothers caretaker found feces in her mouth. The report states that the victim, now 45, was diagnosed with dementia several years ago, is unable to talk and requires constant care. The caretaker, who has worked with the woman for one year, told police she has noticed that recently the woman has had a foul odor to her breath but she could not figure out what was causing it. On Tuesday, the woman was lying on the couch when Kelly leaned down, kissed her goodbye and stuck something into her mouth before leaving home. The caretaker stated she thought it was chocolate until she smelled something foul and discovered the feces in her mouth. She quickly worked to remove it, resulting in getting it on her shirt, which the deputy observed on arrival. The caretaker stated she has expressed concern to Kellys father about how Kelly acts around his mother, saying something has seemed strange for a few months. Kellys father, who was at the residence when the deputy arrived, told police he did not understand why his son would do such a thing. He said his son refused to get a job and wanders the neighborhood day and night. The deputy stated in the incident report that Kelly acted very uncaring when I advised him of why the police were called. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Blu RE: Saving Favorites Dear Webby, How do I copy and paste the Favorites List? I think it was also asked how do I print the Favorites List? I might be wrong. But you did have something in your newsletter about this. I would greatly appreciate it if you could please print again the information that you did have about the Favorites List. Thank you so very much. Blu Dear Blu That's FINE ! Not yelling at you. Just remember the word "fine !" Hold down the ALT key type F (you can let go of the ALT key after that) type I type N type E hit ENTER (FINE !) Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pineapple Pound Cake Recipe By Jackie H. [169 Posts, 58 Comments] This is my own homemade recipe. It is a very moist fruit filled pound cake. Approximate Time: About 20 minutes to add and mix 45 minutes to bake Yield: 1 large loaf Ingredients: 1 /2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp almond extract 3 eggs 1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple and juice 1/3 cup of vegetable oil 1 1/2 cup flour 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda Glaze (optional) 1 cup powdered sugar 2 Tbsp milk (I use dairy creamer) 1/2 tsp vanilla Steps: Measure out your flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda and set aside. In a mixing bowl, put 1 stick of butter in the microwave to melt for 30 seconds. Add 1 cup of sugar. Begin to mix using an electric mixer. Add vanilla, almond extract, and eggs, 1 at a time, mixing until fluffy and smooth. Add pineapple and juice, then the vegetable oil. Mix well. Add flour mixture slowly mixing until all is mixed. Pour into a greased and floured loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let this cool, turn onto a plate and turn again until the top is upright. Pineapple Pound Cake You can glaze this if you like to. I find it rich enough not to. It is so moist and fruit filled. You will find this delicious. :) ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!" ___________________________________________________ | girl sees train for first time |
____________________________________________________ Funny Laws Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. Kentucky: By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket and then sit close to somebody on a bus or train. Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." Pennsylvania: A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in an apartment dwelling. (If the floor collapses onto the apartment below, that is sufficient proof for conviction of this crime) No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. ____________________________________________________ A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." ____________________________________________________ | | Watch a slideshow of once beautiful, majestic mansions that have slowly died over the years from lack of care. |
| Today on June 27 0363 - The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan Revival. 1693 - "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in London. It was the first women's magazine and contained a "question and answer" column that became known as a "problem page." 1743 - King George II of England defeated the French at Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 1787 - Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 1801 - British forces defeated the French and took control of Cairo, Egypt. 1847 - New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 1871 - The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 1885 - Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 1893 - The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year 600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 1905 - The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the Black Sea. 1918 - Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first time. 1929 - Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a system for transmitting television pictures. 1931 - Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked the breakthrough in US helicopter technology. 1940 - Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1." He was only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 1942 - The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who had been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long Island. 1944 - During World War II, American forces completed their capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 1949 - "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the Dumont Television Network. 1950 - Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had asked for member nations to help South Korea repel an invasion from the North. 1954 - The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near Moscow. 1955 - The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat belt legislation. 1967 - The world's first cash dispenser was installed at Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by John Sheppard-Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 1967 - Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in Buffalo, NY. 1969 - Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City's Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident is considered to be the birth of the homosexual rights movement. 1972 - Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for $2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets of the World Hockey Association. 1973 - Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 1980 - U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft registration. 1984 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges could make their own TV package deals. 1985 - Route 66 was officially removed from the United States Highway System. 1985 - The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use of combat troops in Nicaragua. 1986 - The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 1995 - Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al- Thani ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 1998 - An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's sperm after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 2002 - In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission required companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion to submit sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their financial reports. 2005 - In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70- million year old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur. 2016 Do smiled. |
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