Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, May 18 _____________________________________________________ Today, May 18 in 1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: PA woman busted for brutal attack on ex-boyfriend ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them. --- Randy K. Milholland Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees. --- David Letterman (1947 - ) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ >From Ed During a home renovation, my grandfather was watching me drive in nails. "You hammer like lightning," he said. "Really?" I replied, flattered. "You never strike the same place twice." That reminds me of my first carpentry job, building a lodge at Tincup Lake in the Yukon between January 1971 an June 71, Hammering nails at -40 with a blizzard howling was tough, and due to being half frozen I was not always perfectly coordinated. That meant I hit my fingers at least 20 times per hour and soon had a "Carpenter's Finger". (Index finger pointing stiffly straight ahead while holding nails or other small stuff with the middle finger. Carpeters nod respectfully, everybody else laughs when they see that. It usually takes a full apprenticeship to acquire that, but a long, cold winter did it in half a year. ______________________________________________________` Thanks to Linda for this picture: _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Micaela Huettner, 32, Huntington Township, Pennsylvania PA woman busted for brutal attack on ex-boyfriend A Pennsylvania woman is facing multiple charges after allegedly punching her ex-boyfriend in the groin with such force that his scrotum tore open, exposing a bloody testicle, according to a wince-inducing criminal complaint. Police say that Micaela Huettner, 32, assaulted the victim during a 1:20 AM argument Monday in the man's home in Huntington Township, which is about 45 miles southwest of Scranton. As detailed in a District Court complaint, the victim discovered Huettner in his home when he returned from a local bar. Seen at right, Huettner reportedly began questioning the man about his whereabouts that evening. As the couple argued, the victim told police, Huettner struck him numerous times, but he did not return the blows. The man added that he repeatedly asked Huettner to leave, but she ignored his requests. The victim said he was subsequently injured as he sought to guide Huettner out of his residence. That is when she allegedly landed a punch squarely on the man's genitals. The strike tore open the victim's scrotum, leaving one of his testicles exposed and bleeding. The man told police that Huettner seemed to immediately recognize the damage she had caused as she appeared as though something was wrong. At that point, the victim observed his scrotum was torn open and his testicle was exposed. The victim was being treated inside an ambulance when first contacted by a Pennsylvania state trooper. When later questioned by police, Huettner was not forthcoming about the altercation with her former boyfriend and changed her stories numerous times, the complaint states. Huettner was arrested for aggravated assault, a felony, and three lesser charges, reckless endangerment, simple assault, and harassment. Booked into the Adams County Prison, Huettner was released from custody yesterday after posting $5000 bond. She is scheduled for a May 22 preliminary hearing. From: Roland Re: Running programs on a stick Dear Webby You said it is OK to run programs on a remote drive. What about a memory stick or key fob thumb drive? Roland Dear Roland Yes, sure, no problem. Lots of people run their accounting on a keyfob and take it with them. If you are a Penguin (Linux user) you can even have "Linux on a stick", change a machine's BIOS to look on the USB drive first for the operating system. Then next time you visit, stick your "Linux on a stick" keyfob into a USB socket, reboot and it will come up in Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. THE HARD-BITTEN COMMANDER of my infantry company in Vietnam was frustrated in his efforts to make a soldier out of one particular PFC. The young man lagged behind on patrols, feigned illness and managed to spend most of his time at headquarters. One day, though, he changed his ways, and we asked the commander why. "Threats and punishment didn't work," he admitted, "so I had to use the ultimate weapon. I wrote his mother." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Mail A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. --------------- I use a squeaky duckie for that. And let the duckie answer for me. Squeak Squeak, Sqeeeeeek! thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Results 2019 Texas SandFest |
___________________________________________________ Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot." OOOPS! ___________________________________________________ Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH! Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed. When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 25 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH! ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Jim I WAS STATIONED on Leyte during World War II. Although the region was secure, sometimes the enemy tried to infiltrate our food-storage area. One such adversary, dressed in GI clothing, once worked himself into the noontime chow line. Our camp cook spotted him, reached under the serving table for his pistol and yelled for the MPs who were patrolling the area. After it was all over, we asked the cook how he knew the man was an enemy soldier. "I figured it wasn't one of you guys," he said, "'cause he was coming back for seconds." ___________________________________________________ | Today May 18 in 1302 The weaver Peter de Coningk led a massacre of the Flemish oligarchs. 1642 Montreal, Canada, was founded. 1643 Queen Anne, the widow of Louis XIII, was granted sole and absolute power as regent by the Paris parliament, overriding the late king's will. 1652 In Rhode Island, a law was passed that made slavery illegal in North America. It was the first law of its kind. 1792 Russian troops invaded Poland. 1798 The first Secretary of the U.S. Navy was appointed. He was Benjamin Stoddert. 1802 Great Britain declared war on Napoleon's France. 1804 Napoleon Bonaparte was proclaimed emperor by the French Senate. 1828 Battle of Las Piedras ended the conflict between Uruguay and Brazil. 1897 A public reading of Bram Stoker's new novel, "Dracula, or, The Un-dead," was performed in London. 1904 Brigand Raizuli kidnapped American Ion H. Perdicaris in Morocco. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Selective Service act, which called up soldiers to fight in World War I. 1926 Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson vanished while visiting a beach in Venice, CA. She reappeared a month later with the claim that she had been kidnapped. 1931 Japanese pilot Seiji Yoshihara crashed his plane in the Pacific Ocean while trying to be the first to cross the ocean nonstop. He was picked up seven hours later by a passing ship. 1933 The Tennessee Valley Authority was created. 1934 The U.S. Congress approved an act, known as the "Lindberg Act," that called for the death penalty in interstate kidnapping cases. 1942 New York ended night baseball games for the duration of World War II. 1944 Monte Cassino, Europe's oldest Monastic house, was finally captured by the Allies in Italy. 1949 Antiquarian Booksellers Association of America was incorporated 1951 The United Nations moved its headquarters to New York City. 1953 The first woman to fly faster than the speed of sound, Jacqueline Cochran, piloted an F-86 Sabrejet over California at an average speed of 652.337 miles-per-hour. 1974 India became the sixth nation to explode an atomic bomb. 1980 Mt. Saint Helens erupted in Washington state. 57 people were killed and 3 billion in damage was done. 1983 The U.S. Senate revised immigration laws and gave millions of illegal aliens legal status under an amnesty program. 1994 Israel's three decades of occupation in the Gaza Strip ended as Israeli troops completed their withdrawal and Palestinian authorities took over. 1998 The U.S. federal government and 20 states filed a sweeping antitrust case against Microsoft Corp., saying the computer software company had a "choke hold" on competitors which denied consumer choices by controlling 90% of the software market. 1998 U.S. federal officials arrested more than 130 people and seized $35 million. This was the end to an investigation of money laundering being done by a dozen Mexican banks and two drug- smuggling cartels. 2012 Facebook Inc. held its initial public offering and began trading on the NASDAQ. The company was valued at $104 billion making it the largest valuation to date for a newly listed public company. 2014 Russian President Putin signed a bill to absorb Crimea into the Russian Federation. 2019 Do smiled. |
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