Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, January 12 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Wanted Texan has social security number tattooed on his forehead Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, January 12 in 1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side shortly before WWII was over. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity. --- Martin Myers You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money. "Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills." "And what about the rest?" the reporter asks. Farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait" ____________________________________________________ There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Automatic window washer ____________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ From Rosa Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?" Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband. He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Wooten, 40, Houston, Texas Wanted Texan has social security number tattooed on his forehead Is Robert Wooten's identity worth stealing? The 40-year-old Texan is a career criminal whose rap sheet includes multiple felony convictions and prison terms. He is currently wanted in connection with a series of armed robberies in Houston. It is not hard to identify Wooten (seen above) since he has his own social security number tattooed on his forehead (not to mention Houston's area code, 713, inked on his throat). Members of the public are being asked to call the Houston Police Department or Crime Stoppers of Houston if they have information about Wooten's whereabouts. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Rule 240 Dear Webby, Dear Webby, You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how does it apply under the current security restrictions? Glenis Dear Glenis Actually, I have not travelled for a few years now. I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, mentioned "Rule 240"and was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets. "Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups. Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with the DOT. The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward. IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or other occurrences that the airlines say they cannot control, or you miss a connection because they were late, they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you alternate tickets and meal vouchers. Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240", but have no clue where they can find the copy that is supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in trouble. You can get the "Rule 240" filings at http://www.mytravelrights.com/travellaw.cfm?ai=3 If the take-off is delayed because of security problems, then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240" to intelligently dispute the points, and so they rather give you vouchers. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. From Myrna One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Squeaky Door You can easily fix a squeak door by spraying the hinges with WD40. A little Vaseline or even cooking spray will also do the trick. If it is your own house, then you might want to use a dry moly lubricant spray. It dries to a slick, waxy surface that does not attract dust and grit. It is perfectly clear and the only way you can tell it's presence, is that areas where you over-sprayed beside the hinge, feel slippery to the touch. But they are dry and none of the waxy coating comes off and onto your fingers. It also works very well in locks. You won't be hit with a cleaning charge if a locksmith has to work on it to re-key it, as you would, when you used graphite or WD40. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story: One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army." A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, January 12, in 1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 1773 The first public museum in America was established in Charleston, SC. 1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London. 1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded Zululand. 1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct in London began operation. 1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs to be made in America. 1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached 91.37 miles per hour. 1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side shortly before WWII was over. 1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War Labor Board. 1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by 'Victory Sausages.' Most people called them Victory Wieners. 1945 During World War II, with US help the Soviet forces began a huge offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe. 1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate against law-school applicants because of race. 1960 Dolph Schayes of the Syracuse Nationals became the first pro basketball player in the NBA to score more than 15,000 points in his career. 1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until Communist aggression there was ended. 1966 "Batman" debuted on ABC-TV. 1967 "Dragnet" returned to NBC-TV after being off the network schedule for eight years. 1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the Nigerian civil war came to an end. 1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. My Hero! 1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian Liberation Organization. 1986 Space shuttle Columbia blasted off with a crew that included the first Hispanic-American in space, Dr. Franklin R. Chang-Diaz. 1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of Kuwait. 1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out daylight street patrols in Belfast. 1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 1999 Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball was sold at auction in New York for $3 million to an anonymous bidder. 2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police broad authority to stop and question people who run at the sight of an officer. 2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-mile journey. 2018 Do smiled. |
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