Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, July 10 Tonight, I was stalking, big knife in hand, quietly walking, by the light of the full moon and stars, and the silence not broken by cars, stalking the wild rhubarb at the corner. OK, you continue that. I ripped out a bunch of rhubarb, whacked off the leaves with the knife and hauled the stalks inside. Cut them into half inch long pieces, simmered them with a teaspoon of molasses, 4 shakes of Cinnamon and some honey. Heavenly desert! Some day I'll make a rhubarb pie, but not tonight. Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Oklahoman carged with assaulting roomie for silliest reason Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 10 in 1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared war on England. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. --- Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005) "Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are." --- George Eliot Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. --- G. K. Chesterton I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. --- Thomas Jefferson Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ------ except in the lamestream media, where they start at that level. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son- in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Desper, 28, West Goshen, Pennsylvania Oklahoman carged with assaulting roomie for silliest reason Jerome Dewayne Whyte, 23, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma An argument over whether 'Star Wars' or 'Star Trek' was a better movie turned violent Saturday afternoon when an Oklahoma man shoved his roommate to the ground and began choking the male victim, police allege. According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, the cinematic dispute resulted in the arrest of Jerome Dewayne Whyte, 23, for the assault of Burke Bradley Warren, 19. During the Star Wars / Star Trek argument, Warren became so frustrated with Whyte that he left the pair's shared living area and went to his room. As he departed, Warren told Whyte, You're just a trick. That comment prompted Whyte to follow Warren into his room, where Whyte allegedly twice shoved his roommate to the floor and then sought to choke out the victim, police reported. While being strangled, Warren went in and out of consciousness. Since police judged Whyte to be the aggressor in this altercation, he was arrested for assault and battery. He was also charged with marijuana possession. A post-arrest computer check revealed that Whyte had outstanding arrest warrants in connection with prior convictions for passing bad checks and child abuse. In both of those cases, Whyte failed to pay fines and restitution ordered at the time of his sentencing. It is unknown which film Whyte, seen in the above mug shot, believed to be superior. Whyte is currently locked up in the Oklahoma County jail. He loks likme he just realkized, "Oh. sh**, with outstanding warrants and unpaid fines, he was supposed to be on his best behavior, but now he'll go to jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ilah Re: Email tracking Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Is this another hoax? It's the same oldstory - Microsoft will track forwarded e-mails and send checks for huge amounts to senders etc. etc. etc. Faithful Webby Fan Ilah Dear Ilah Microsoft does not have the technology for tracking forwarded emails and is not interested in giving away money. Just send the forwarders to http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it! | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Denver the guilty dog on Good Morning America |
____________________________________________________ Morris, a union plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." Morris, the union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. ....."What? On my own time??" ___________________________________________________ | | I'll never be an art connoisseur because I wouldn't give a dime for any of these "master pieces!" |
___________________________________________________ Definitions Day ADULT : A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR : A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL : Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS : The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE : A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST : Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP : A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF : Cold Storage. INFLATION : Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO : An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN : Grape with a sunburn. SECRET : Something you tell to one person at a time. TOOTHACHE : The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW : One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN : An honest Opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES : Something other people have. You have character lines. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother . 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do. ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 10, in 1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under the leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria. 1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony. 1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in New York City. 1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared war on England. 1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was sold by Spain. 1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil. 1900 'His Master's Voice', was registered with the U.S. Patent Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, and later, RCA Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking into the horn of a gramophone machine. 1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an altitude of one mile. 1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 134 degrees in Death Valley, CA. 1919 The Treaty of Versailles was hand delivered to the U.S. Senate by President Wilson. 1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures. 1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world. 1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II. 1947 Saab introduced the Model 92 prototype as its first automobile. 1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. The picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12. 1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began at Kaesong. 1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time in 133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown. 1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea after heavy fighting. 1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between Europe and the U.S. 1962 Fred Baldasare swam the English Channel underwater. It was a 42 miles and took 18 hours. 1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after three centuries of British colonial rule. 1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, it was renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced that they would continue to sell "New" Coke. 1991 Boris Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first elected president of the Russian republic. 1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against South Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward racial equality. 1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton supported a theory that all humanity descended from an "African Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. 1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand. 1999 The heads of six African nations that had troops in the Democratic Republic of the Congo signed a cease-fire agreement that would end the civil war in that nation. 2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents" sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's. 2015 In South Carolina, the Confederate flag was removed from the Capitol grounds and taken to a state military museum. 2017 Do smiled. |
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