Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, February 2 Thank you, Gordon!!! Today's Bonehead Award: Florida girl,14, steals Pizza delivey car ______________________________________________________ Today, February 2 in 1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, Joyce went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' she asked. 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and Joyce asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another half hour elapsed, Joyce asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, she asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told her. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' Joyce demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!' _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ While waiting her turn at the catalogue-order desk, my mother heard the clerk explain to a customer that their state-of-the-art computer would call him when his order came in. The man told her to leave a message on his answering machine if he wasn't home. The woman became flustered. "I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer won't talk to a machine." --------- Well, I don't accept robo calls. Click. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josie Bigelow, 14, Leehigh Acres, Florida Florida girl stole Pizza Delivery vehicle Needing a ride to her boyfriend's house, a Florida Girl yesterday ordered pizzas to a neighbor's house and then popped out of some nearby bushes and stole the car driven by a Papa John's deliveryman, police allege. As detailed in a police report, Josie Bigelow, 14, placed the phony food order early Wednesday to lure the victim to a street near her home in Lehigh Acres, a Fort Myers suburb. As the driver walked to the front door of a residence with pizza in hand, Bigelow emerged from some nearby woods and hopped into the 49-year-old deliveryman's unlocked 2006 Ford Taurus. Bigelow was subsequently arrested about six miles from the heist scene, where investigators say she sought to ditch the hot wheels in a stranger's driveway. Before getting collared, the girl twice escaped from a pursuing sheriff's deputy. The teenager, seen above, was arrested around 3:15 AM for grand theft auto and booked into the local juvenile detention center (from which she was released after a few hours in custody). In an interview with a local TV station, Bigelow's father said the juvenile needs an ass whipping...That and jail. Joseph Bigelow also told police that his daughter has fallen in with a bad crowd and mentioned how bad her behavior had been recently. I wonder who taught her how to drive well enough to get away from the deputies twice, with am old Ford Taurus. For a 14 year old, that is quite amazing! From: Sharon Re: Setting a restore point Dear DearWebby, I love your humor & beautiful pictures I have saved many & sent many on to others. Can you explain in simple terms for a "dummy" what it a restore point & how do I do one? Will Il lose all the current data such as saved mail, graphics etc? Should it be put on a disk for backup? Since I had the problem with the old pc I thought about doing one for this one. I'm not having any problems here now. Thanks for all your patience & helpful tips. Sharon Dear Sharon The restore point is just for Windows settings, and not for your data. All your data is perfectly safe. When everything is working just right, that is the time to make a restore point. If an experiment goes wrong, you can restore the system settings to that good restore point. Many people schedule restore points to be set automatically once per week. To set a System Restore Point... Open the Start menu Open the Programs menu Open the Accessories menu Open the System Tools menu Finally, start System Restore Pick the option for setting a System Restore Point and click on the Next button Fill in a name for the restore point so you can find it and click on the Create button Click on the Close button when done Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Dr. Bloom was known for his miracle cures for arthritis. One day, his waiting room was full of people when in shuffles a little old lady, bent nearly double, leaning on her cane. When her name was called, she ambled into the patient visitation area and, amazingly, emerged less than thirty minutes later, walking completely upright, with her head held high. A woman who had seen the old lady come in to the office stood and approached her. "This is incredible!" she exclaimed. "You walked through that door bent in half, and now you're walking as straight and tall as a young woman! What kind of miracle did that doctor DO for you?" The old lady looks the woman in the eye and says, "Miracle, shmiracle ... he gave me a longer cane." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Thor The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information, wrote the following notes regarding some golden oldies: "Customer is looking for two song titles: 'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes' and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.'" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Hanging Linens To prevent creases when hanging linens from wire hangers, take a cardboard tube from a used up roll of paper towels and cut lengthwise. Then slip it over the wire hanger and apply tape where you cut the tube. Then you can rest your linens on the tube instead of the wire. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Best of the week "People are Awesome." |
___________________________________________________ Here is a list of fake Universities supposedly used on McDonald's Applications ~Salsa Rancho College ~Reboot University ~Slick State University ~Innuendo Night College ~World Global University ~Sweet Dill Junior College ~North by Northeastern U. ~Kansas Pacific University ~Texas Aunt Em College ~University of California at Sunset ~Massachusetts Institute of Trees ~St. Cunnilingus Day School ~College of the Equator ~Pungent University of the West ~Shoe Fly Pie Academy ~Menthol State University ~Bay Rum Polytechnic University ~Yahoo College of Atlantis ~Exterior Latex School of Art ~Moon River Divinity School ~Clinica Veterinaria de Brazil ~Louisiana College of Dentistry & Dressmaking ~Uganda U. ~Hash Brown University ~Upstairs Downstairs on the Right College ~Simple Simian School of Tax Fraud ~Plagiarism Creative Writing College ~Degree Mill of Miami Beach ___________________________________________________ Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He replied, "It cuts off my circulation." She answered back, "It's supposed to!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man requested Lynn, a locally well known painter, to paint him in the nude. "No" she said. "I don't do that sort of thing." "I'll increase your fee two times," he said. "No, no thanks!!" "I'll give five times as much as you normally get." "Okay," said Lynn, "but you have to let me at least wear my socks or a belt. I need somewhere to put my brushes." ___________________________________________________ | Today February 2 in 1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated. 1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000 and assumed responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American citizens. Texas had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 1848 The first shipload of Chinese emigrants arrived in San Francisco, CA. 1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. 1870 The "Cardiff Giant" was revealed to be nothing more than carved gypsum. The discovery in Cardiff, NY, was alleged to be the petrified remains of a human. 1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first successful shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned and operated by Thomas Edison. 1897 The Pennsylvania state capitol in Harrisburg was destroyed by fire. The new statehouse was dedicated nine years later on the same site. 1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 people visited the new terminal on its opening day. 1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph machine, in Portage, WI. 1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the Battle of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has since been renamed Volgograd. 1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400 years. 1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted President Milton Obote. 1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced that the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted members of the U.S. Congress. A phony Arab businessman was used in the operation. 1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, after nine years of military occupation and armed opposition by CIA funded, armed and trained Taliban. 1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the African National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela. 1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 1999 Hugo Ch vez Fras took office. He had been elected president of Venezuela in December 1998. 2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an office of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder was the poison ricin. 2019 Do smiled. |
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