Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, January 3 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Did you think I would forget the Friday reminder? Not likely! The ragtops in Bagdad reminded me. ___________________________________________________ Today, January 3 in 1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba after Cuba nationalized oil, sugar and fruit plantations. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: 492 people were murdered with guns in Chicago in 2019 __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. --- Bernard Berenson (1865 - 1959) "Scientists now say French kissing can lead to sexually transmitted diseases. I think I have a way to avoid French kissing: Get married." --- David Letterman _______________________________________________ When Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end. One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Miss America pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant's measurements: 38-22-34. "Rory," his mom asked, "what are those numbers?" The boy thought for only a moment before responding, "Ninety-four?" Rory got to spend the night. ________________________________________________` From Lillemor Pismo Beach, CA ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chicago 492 people were murdered with guns in Chicago in 2019 Actual murders per gun shots have dropped 13%, but more cop cars have been shot at. Limiting guns to just criminals and cops sure was a boneheaded idea. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Minka Re: Resolution Dear Webby, This is a really blonde question. What resolution should I run Windows 10? I ran my last machine at 1200, but a company tech set this one up and it is at 800 x 600, and it looks gross and primitive. He says that's the way Windows 10 runs best and he won't change it for me. Using my spreadsheets limited to a half of the columns I need to see is ridiculous. What do you recommend? Minka Dear Minka Tell your boss that DearWebby said that certain "company tech" should be limited to brooms and mops, preferably at a competitor's company. Windows 10 runs just fine at 1200, and if your monitor can handle it, even 2000. Just RIGHT-click the desk top, screen resolution, and select whatever resolution you want. Right now I am running at 1920 x 1080, and I am using two monitors side by side. No problem at all. If that moron comes within throwing distance, throw stuff, yell and scream and claim he was trying to molest your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a *tiger*?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
*Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Track Grocery Prices to Find Deals I saved grocery receipts for 1 month, then created a spread sheet with the prices of the items I buy frequently. I continue to add to it each time I shop. Now, when I see "a sale", I check to see if it really a good price or not. By Leslie from Brandon, MS Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A sweater girl is one who knows that it's possible for a man to concentrate on two things at once. ___________________________________________________ A father is in church with three of his young children, in- cluding his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked with all the innocence of a five year old. "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?" ___________________________________________________ "What kind of music do you sing?" "Aqua-pella." "Don't you mean 'a cappella', singing without instrumental accompaniment?" "Nope. I mean 'aqua-pella', singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower-head." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today January 3 in 1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British forces, led by Cornwallis. 1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the Saxon and Polish problems. 1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican government and began colonization in the region of the Brazos River in Texas. 1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the islands from the British, but Britain took them back after a 74-day war. 1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty was restored. 1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take dictatorial powers. 1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba after Cuba nationalized oil, sugar and fruit plantations. 1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister Fidel Castro. 1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride. She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the Matterhorn bobsled. 1988 Margaret Thatcher became the longest-serving British Prime Minister in the 20th century. 1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's diplomatic mission. 1991 The British government announced that seven Iraqi diplomats, another embassy staff member and 67 other Iraqis were being expelled from Britain. 1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty (START) in Moscow. 1995 WHO reported that the cumulative total of officially reported cases of AIDS had risen to 1,025,073 in 192 countries as at the end of 1994. 1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river valleys. 1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed that Office Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able to send back black and white images three hours after landing. 2019 Do smiled. |
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