Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, August 10 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: $1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man's drug arrest Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 10 in 1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during the French Revolution. He was executed the following January after being put on trial for treason. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972) It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Last night, my girlfriends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!! ----------------------- OK, that's it. I will NOT dance in Florida! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dennis Strickland 33, Sioux City, Iowa $1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man's drug arrest Authorities say a man who tried to deposit what he presented as a $1 million bill has been charged with drug possession in Iowa. A criminal complaint says Sioux City police officers were called to a Northwest Bank branch Thursday to talk to a man who tried to deposit the bill into his account. The officers asked 33-year-old Dennis Strickland whether he had any more of the bills and that a baggie fell out when he emptied a pocket. The complaint says the baggie contained methamphetamine. The U.S. Treasury Department says it has never produced a $1 million bill. There was no mention yet about a counterfeiting charge. That used to be severely frowned upon. Iowa court records say Strickland is scheduled to be back in court Monday. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dick Re: Resizer Program Dear Webby, I noticed that someone wanted to resize a picture. I use Free Picture Resizer.exe. It's easy to use. The upload may want to add other programs, like Picmos Tools, but this is a useful/harmless program. Dick Dear Dick There are tons of resizer programs, but sooner or later she does need some kind of graphics program. For example, if she wants to cut off a few inches of empty sky or lawn, a resizer won`t help. Or for adding smart-ass captions, or for lightening, darkening, sharpening, etc. Even the simplest free graphics programs do that. Nowadays even MS-PAINT, long derided as an impotent piece of loon shit, can do that, and it is still included free with Windows. Unless you do graphics for 64 foot freeway billboards, you don`t need GIMP. However, even GIMP is still free. All you need is a basic and simple graphics program. Have FUN! DearWebby And From: Doug Re: PixResizer Dear Webby, For resizing pictures, PixResizer is absolutely the best I've found. You can resize one picture or groups of pictures with the click of the mouse. It's simple and easy. It's quick. And it's FREE!! Check it out at: http://bluefive.pair.com/pixresizer.htm I think you may just take a liking to it as I did. I used to use PaintShop or ThumbsPlus but no more. My resizing is all PixResizer. Especially since getting my new digital camera which take 5+ megapixex photos, I use it all the time because I wouldn't think of putting a picture of that size on a web page! I may link to the full sized photo. Thanks for you wisdom and humor each day. Doug Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pull Lettuce Apart Instead of cutting lettuce with a knife, tear it with your fingers. It will help prevent the edges from browning. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Hallelujah Chorus from Quinhagak, Alaska |
____________________________________________________ A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." ___________________________________________________ | | What a strange and wonderful mind this man has. |
___________________________________________________ Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. ____________________________________________________ | Today, August 10, in 1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during the French Revolution. He was executed the following January after being put on trial for treason. 1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S. Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by $500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed. 1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown. 1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical Exhibition. 1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance on Guam. 1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan announced they would surrender. The only condition was that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours and 5 minutes. 1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original title was "Candid Microphone." 1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by the U.S. government during World War II. 1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula Corbin Jones. 1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people were killed. 2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles above the earth in the international space station. It was the first-ever marriage from space. 2017 Do smiled. |
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